do you feel like you're good enough?

dear intelligent well-informed opinionated tech savvy gorgeous fellow poster,

do you feel like you're good enough? that your life is good enough? that you deserve love and respect as a person in your own right rather than as rewards for your achievements/experiences/traits/superior knowledge of cephalopod trivia?


Was talking earlier about how it feels as if sweden has become a country where very many people often feel as if they aren't good enough unless they make themselves beautiful and continually work to amass a huge store of legitimately interesting experiences/contacts/possessions. and then constantly advertise their success in every way and all the time, as if every moment is and should be a war against life or against other people. my impression is that most of this is focused on social life and romantic relationships and sex. what's going on?

it's a little worrying. I think these often unhappy people are being assholes towards themselves as well as others. i think many of these people are becoming exceedingly proficient with those thought patterns that cause or sustain depression and anxiety.





My many other flaws notwithstanding, i have learned, somewhere along the line, to take pleasure in the most banal things. i've also discovered that a pleasant conversation doesn't have to be about particularly interesting things. most importantly, i've learned that i can get pretty far and do pretty well just being myself and letting others be themselves. this last was tricky, it took a long time for me to come to terms with the notion that i can and should separate myself and my sense of self-worth from what i have or don't have etc. i think on the whole it's been good for me and my life and this useful trick requires almost no maintenance these days.

i wish everyone could learn that trick so we could destroy those who thrive on this pervasive stress and unhappiness

sounds like high school

Yes

You sure it's not just your age group trying to break-away a bit, Minx?

Hmm, how do you mean?

As in the people who fit loosely in your demographic/socio-economic circle are reaching a point in their lives when they are starting to run their lives with more independence than before. This emerging independence is usually coupled with society hammering-in the urge to both "seize the day" and "make yourself into an Impressive Independent Individual".

But because everyone is newly independent, they don't really know how to do that except perhaps in shallow and showy ways.

I think it's more than just normal life changes, although I admit I've mostly noticed it in people between ca. 20 and 30 something. These sentiments are cropping up everywhere, from what I can tell. Swedish sites and forums, Swedish tabloids and magazines, all over Swedish TV, even in Swedish politics. There's a strange celebration of some caricature of American lifestyle/culture. Heavy (undue?) emphasis on the self-made person, on self-promotion, on the self as a business, on "maximising" everything, on monetising everything.

My working hypothesis is that at least one generation of Swedes have grown up relatively unhappy, alone and frustrated with life for various reasons, and that this may be a result of that. A strong theme seems to be the renunciation of many elements of Swedish culture and norms. Note the rise of the Swedish "right" :mad: :p

I don't think it's shallow so much as misguided (based on the assumption that my hypothesis is correct). And possibly dangerous--if your happiness and sense of self-worth is inextricably associated with achievements and stuff then what happens when things go wrong?? As they inevitably do if your expectations are unreasonable for example, but also often when your expectations are fairly reasonable.

Renunciation of which Swedish culture and norms do you mean? Maybe it's a generational social struggle? :confused:

Indeed, which values do they seem to be rejecting and why are they unhappy? Is being a self-made person really that alien of a concept?

Went to Ikea today. Spruced up a few rooms for under $200.

But I also stopped there for a few lunch to try soom Swedish cultured food. (Aside from the meatballs) I'd renounce too :p

I don't know how it is at your place, but over here IKEA serves the worst food in existence. It is tasteless and overcooked, well it's also cheap, 1CHF for a hot dog.