My mother rests in peace

My mom has been in and out of the hospital this year. She was suffering from cancer, weak hearth-valve and had a kidney removed because of cancer and had in her back the nerves were exposed to the bone, so she was in a lot of pain . She was on a strict diet with regard to fluids because her hearth couldn't cope with pumping it around which meant that id she drank too much fluids it would end up in her lungs. 2 weeks ago she was in to hospital again for pain treatment for her back. The little morphine they gave her was too much for her weak hearth to cope, so she ended in intensive care with fluids in her lungs. They gave her medicine so she'd urinate the excess fluids and it worked. This was sunday a week ago. On monday I visited her and she was out of intensive care. Monday to tuesday at 2:30 am my sister is at the door telling me we need to go to the hospital because mom is not doing well.

We arive at the hospital and mom is lying there with an oxygen mask which forces air into her lungs to push the fluids out of them. She is conscious but struggling because of the effort it takes. During the night her blood readings are scanned and we're being told of small improvements. Me being in denial mode pin my hopes on that small piece of info. My dad and my sister don't, they realise this time things will not get better. At 10 am the cardiologist has a talk with us and says the dreaded words: "There is nothing we can do anymore but postpone the inevitable". This is where the floor ceased to exist for me and I broke down. At this time my mom has been laying there with that mask totally exhausted and sweating because of the effort. He told us they could keep her alive maybe for a week or 2 but the hearthvalve is so deteriorated the medicine they give her simply doesn't reach the organs it is intended for. The medicine they usually give her to get rid of excess fluids doesn't reach the kidneys, so the only way to prevent her lungs flooding is the mask she's wearing now. Removing it would give her some peace, but would mean the end would be there soon. Keeping it would keep her alive longer but was exhausting her and made her miserable.

We decided to have them remove the mask. We think mom also wanted that. At that time all she could communicate was with slight nods and shakes of her head. We think she nodded when we explained the situation and asked her if she wanted the mask removed.

So a day goes by, during the next night my mom stops responding and has closed her eyes but doesn't give in. This is where doubts for us creep in. If she keeps fighting, shouldn't we also? But what are our options? Having the mask placed back, which she didn't want wasn't. And that's all the options we had. It felt like we gave up when she didn't. It's the worst feeling I have ever had. We were powerless to do anything. There was no clear decision to make. Well, now, I feel there was only one thing to do which we did, but at the time...

At 22:20 that night on april the 21st she died. She had been given a sleeping medicine to relax her muscles because her breathing was straining her, her face was distorted from the effort and was discoulored because of her organs failing, she wasn't conscious. The sleeping medicine made her sleep at ease and relaxed her so she looked very peacefully when she died.

From all the feelings of loss, there is comfort in the fact she doesn't have to suffer any more. The pain she was in for the past 30 years and increasingly so in the last 2 years is gone. All the time she suffered she kept a positive spirit, focussed on all the things she was able to do instead of dwelling on those she wasn't. She was always concerned about other people over herself always kept a brave face, sometimes too much so, hiding the suffering from us.

Goodbye brave little mom, may you finally rest in peace.

Zigz... :(

Oh my. :(

Ziggy I'm so sorry.

Oh no, I'm so sorry. :(

But I think you did make the right choice here.

Sorry to hear about your mother Ziggy. :sour:

Dude, you totally made me cry. Wish I could help you somehow but know I can't.:(

Thanks for sharing your families pain with us mate, I feel privileged that you would share such an intimate time with us.:up:

RIP Zigs mum.

:(

My heart goes out to you Ziggy. Losing a momma is difficult.

I'm sorry for your loss, Ziggy. :(

Losing a parent sucks :(

Thanks for the replies guys, they do help.

Although I've been talking about it a lot lately, it was good to write it down.

:heart:

You must have millions of emotions swirling around now atop sadness, funeral planning, seeing after your dad.....

Funeral was yesterday. I was in no condition the last couple of days to do this. For me the closure was seeing my mom for the last time during the wake when it looked like she was simply sleeping and almost had a little smile on her face looking content. It was years ago for me to have seen her like this since every day was agony and it had left the marks on her face. All those marks were gone now and it she looked so peaceful.

There's a load of my dad's shoulders. Of course he grieves but you have to understand that the last two years he bought a phone expecting an alarm call every single moment. About every waking hour was dedicated to taking care of her and he saw her in the pain she tried to hide from us. For him especially a time of constant worry is over, so he really has some mixed feelings. He'll miss her like crazy, but he's glad her daily suffering has ended. And we're glad he can spend time on himself now, because he's been ignoring himself.

It sounds like it's been hard for you all for quite some time. In some sense there is relief, for her and for you all that that pain is now over.

~

It was good that you were all with her in her final moments. I always took a little gladness that I could be with my mum when she died suddenly 14 years ago. She had a heart attack while I was with her and died in intensive care that night. Fortunately my dad was able to make it to her bedside to say goodbye, but both my sisters came afterward, and they have said since that they are sad they didn't have a final chance to say goodbye.

Thoughts are with your family Zig.

I'm sorry for your loss, Ziggy. Take care.

Sorry to hear about your loss Ziggy...wish much strength to you and your family.

I'm sorry for your family's loss, Ziggy. Judging by your character here, I have to assume you were raised by a great mom.

:( Much sympathy

Sorry to hear about your mom, Ziggy.

Sorry for your loss

Condolences, Ziggy.

I know you're British, and not Irish... but I've always found a two or three day long Irish wake/drinking binge helps soothe my pain.

Hi Ziggy, the first thing I read when coming back to this forum was your post. I wish you and your family strength in this sad time.

My condolences as well Zigs.

My sympathies and condolences, Ziggs.

I'm so sorry Ziggy...:(

My prayers and thoughts are with you.

Jeez, Ziggy, I'm so very sorry. :(

You did the right thing. Hang in there.

Dude :(.

Sympathies. :(

May she rest in peace, Ziggy. :( It sounds like you did the absolute right thing though, and it's great that you're trying to keep positive about your father and such. We're here for you, man.

I'm so sorry, Ziggy.