Printable View
I find it difficult to give advice to someone in this situation Munch so I won't even try but I will say something - Please keep yourself in a safe place, and don't give up:up:
Oh and FFS woman you gotta eat! It isn't right for anyone to go hungry when so much is wasted.
85 pounds is light, even for a munchkin.:(
Munchie, maybe you need to explain your health problems to put this in perspective for everyone else. If nothing else it's a good example of people falling through the cracks of our "safety net", or that Wyoming's sucks. You've said you don't want pity or sympathy, or even advice.
But it's hard to get opinions about your options unless you share the important facts. :(
You are right! :) I think the fact that I am so willing to help out is exactly why Amy is letting me stay at the motel again for a bit. Only know for sure thru next Monday night, but maybe longer, depending on lots of things!Quote:
Originally Posted by Hazir
Thanks, GGT. I kinda figured no one would notice I was gone. :p As with the rest of my life, I will probably only be here sporatically, at least until I actually get a home of my own!Quote:
Originally Posted by GGT
I can't get Medicaid until/if I'm declared disabled. And being divorced really doesn't change my situation as far as getting any help, whether financially or medically. :( As I said, SS is asking for a re-evaluation on my back, so am kinda stuck at the moment, even with the worsening problems.
Regardless of the fact we have a Democrat for a governor, Wyoming is a staunchly conservative Republican state! In fact, one of our national Legislators, who happens to be an MD, stated if he voted for health care reform, HE would make less money, so why would he want to do that? Frankly, that doesn't sound too promising for any kind of safety net for those of us who are inbetween...no insurance and no way to get any!
Still waiting to hear on the Census job, but highly doubtful of it now. Got a letter stating the FBI wanted ME to gather up ALL my criminal convictions (all minor misdemeanors) and send them official court documentation on them...AT MY COST! FFS, they are the fucking FBI, they can find this shit out with the click of a mouse. It's just a way to discourage people from applying for the jobs, IMO!Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreadnaught
Even a temporary job is better than nothing at this point. At least I might be able to earn enough to go see the damned doctor again! And pay the initial move in shit to get into an apartment!
Dread, my son and I had a pretty major blow-out shortly after I got injured. I won't go into what it was about, but there are a lot of hurt feelings flowing both ways. IF he could get past his "better than thou" attitude, I would have no problem whatsoever sleeping on Mommymunchkin's couch! It ranks #2 on the list of couches I have slept on in my entire lifetime...#1 is my 3rd ex and his girlfriend's couch! :haha:
Termite, I really kinda doubt I could be in a much safer place than BFE. Even if I were to sleep under the overpass, (or in the park) this is a relatively safe town. The vast majority of "criminal" activity is either alcohol related (bar brawls, DUI's, or DV's caused by booze) bored teenagers breaking into houses for fun! In that respect, BFE is almost an ideal of what life should be like. My Granddaughters, at 4 and 6, can safely ride their bicycles the 3 blocks to the library, without an adult with them. They can play in the yard without an adult having to stand there and watch for the pedophiles to come by. I can, do, and have for most of my adult life, walk around town at any time of the day or night...with very little fear. I am more nervous during construction and tourist seasons (late spring, summer, and early fall) and usually only during the evening hours. Sometimes I walk at 2 or 3 in the morning and never see a single person...sometimes I end up walking with a group who are all out doing the same thing...trying to ignore pain or work off insomnia!Quote:
Originally Posted by termite
I know I am waaaay too skinny right now. Hell, even The Thing is bringing me food! :haha: It's not that I don't eat, I just seem to keep losing weight. I'm sure part of it is stress, pure and simple, I KNOW part of it is the meds, and I am pretty sure part of it is the motel living. If I keep clicking my heels together and saying, "There's no place like the kitchen...there's no place like the kitchen" do you think I might get a real stove to cook on instead of just a microwave? :p
Sorry, I guess I just assumed, considering how much I have bitched and whined over the last 18 months, that everyone knows what happened and what the result seems to be. Sorry. I also guess I just assumed if someone didn't know what happened, they would ask, since everyone here should feel comfortable asking me just about anything! :pQuote:
Originally Posted by GGT
On Oct. 3, 2008, I fell backwards off of a ladder. When I landed, I managed to pinch the nerve that controls feeling in the right leg, between the bottom two vertebra in my back. It promptly swelled up and caused my right leg to go completely numb. By that I mean...I couldn't feel anything below the bottom vertebra. :( When I walked, I actually had to watch where I was putting my foot, or risk spraining my ankle or knee or breaking something or falling on my ass!
This injury added onto the disintegrating discs between the bottom four vertebra, that had seriously injured in 1994 by lifting something that I damned well knew better than to try to lift...but hell, it's Munchie...I did it anyway and have paid for it ever since! I really don't think I have had a day since Sept. 10, 1994 that I haven't had lower back pain. It's one of those things you just kind of learn to live with, especially when you don't have the desire to have surgery to repair the discs. Yes, I have had re-injuries over the years, but none was as severe as the last one!
The good doctor has, since Dec. 2008, done 4 MRI's, 4 evaluations, given me 8 rounds of oral steroids, 1 steroid shot between the bottom 2 vertebra, (into the nerve? not sure) 15 prescriptions for 450 MG of Lyrica per day (http://www.lyrica.com/ ) at 3 150 MG capsules a day for a grand cost of $264.75 per month, and 15 prescriptions for 10/325 caplets of Vicodin (http://www.drugs.com/vicodin.html) at 4 of those caplets a day for a grand cost of $37.22 per month for the generic ones.
Despite all these tests and drugs and whatnot, I have once again lost feeling in my right leg. It had returned, for about 3 months, after the shot, but has since left again. That pretty much renders me crippled when walking, riding my bicycle is completely out of the question, and as drugged up as I should be, I don't think driving would be too smart on a regular basis. (Gotta consider the boredom of the cops in BFE! They would pop me for being intoxicated even tho I have a huge tolerance built up to these drugs, can function normally when taking them, and have a legal, valid prescription for them!
I am not supposed to bend, lift more than 10 pounds, twist, push, pull, or any other activity that is required for everyday life! In the last 4 or 5 months, I have noticed I have lost some of my range of motion from the waist too. I have no idea what the hell that means, but whatever it is, it can't be too good! I am also having severe pain/cramps in my right hip. I assume that is from my modified way of walking, standing, and sitting. :( I can only sit or stand (relatively still) for 5 to 10 minutes at a time, then I have to get up and move around. Just about the only thing I can do is walk, as long as I watch where the hell I put my right foot at all times. I probably walk 8 to 10 miles per day, in increments of maybe a mile at a time, just because it makes my back hurt less! From the way the doctor talked the last time I spoke with him, the next step will be surgery, where they will go in and manually remove the nerve from it's pinched position. All the drugs used to make it shrink and come out on it's own didn't work.
On top of all that, I have been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer. It is assumed I didn't feel the pain of it because I was so fucked up on the pain meds for my back! I have made the decision to "wait and see" and have no treatments at this time. One reason is I am not telling Mommymunchkin and The Kid about it. In fact, the only "real" person who knows about it is The Friend. (Yes you are all real, but you know what I mean! :p) I don't want people sitting around feeling sorry for me. I refuse to feel sorry for me, so why should anyone else? Another reason for no treatments is, they are very expensive and I have no insurance! I don't know about other places, but in Wyoming, if you aren't insured and it's not a "right now" emergency, you get shit for care. You know, the doctors that graduated last in their class, or should have lost their license to practice years ago, or should have retired years ago due to whatever reason. From what I understand, pancreatic cancer is a particularly deadly form of the disease, and needs to be treated aggressively from an early stage. Well, it wasn't found until a later stage, and nothing I have read gives me much hope of beating it, so I am going to spare myself the pain of the treatments. Also, I don't want Mommymunchkin worrying about me all the time. When she worries, she neglects her own health, and I really don't want that!
Ok, GGT...I hope that explains what's going on with me to your satisfaction. I also hope everyone now knows why the homeless thing is really getting me down!
You have untreated pancreatic cancer? Holy crap. :bulb: What kind of prognosis have you been given?
This. :( You'd told me a while ago, but wanted to keep it private. I can understand that reaction, munchie. But that kind of diagnosis changes everything. Everything.Quote:
On top of all that, I have been diagnosed with pancreatic cancer.
Sympathy and compassion doesn't mean pity. I want you to have the basic creature comforts, a safe warm bed, not forced to move around and flop on people's couches, wondering if you'll be sleeping on cardboard boxes with black garbage bags under the bypass. I want you to have plentiful and nutritious meals to eat, meds for your pain, doctors to treat your asthma and back problems, your cancer--even if it's palliative!--and none of that should depend on whether you have a fat bank account, private insurance, or Medicaid or SSDI!Quote:
I refuse to feel sorry for me, so why should anyone else? Another reason for no treatments is, they are very expensive and I have no insurance! I don't know about other places, but in Wyoming, if you aren't insured and it's not a "right now" emergency, you get shit for care. You know, the doctors that graduated last in their class, or should have lost their license to practice years ago, or should have retired years ago due to whatever reason. From what I understand, pancreatic cancer is a particularly deadly form of the disease, and needs to be treated aggressively from an early stage. Well, it wasn't found until a later stage, and nothing I have read gives me much hope of beating it, so I am going to spare myself the pain of the treatments. Also, I don't want Mommymunchkin worrying about me all the time. When she worries, she neglects her own health, and I really don't want that!
Ok, GGT...I hope that explains what's going on with me to your satisfaction. I also hope everyone now knows why the homeless thing is really getting me down!
Goddammit. Besides learning that you've got a crappy terminal illness, it pisses me off that you can't get proper care. Even a bad diagnosis can mean an extended, relatively comfortable life, to see a few more seasons, birthdays, graduations, weddings, holidays.....but it does mean having quality, coordinated medical care. You deserve that munchie.
It makes me sad, mad even, that you have to FIGHT to find it, but can't find it, in this great wealthy nation we call the United States.
:cry:
Fair! It might not grow any faster than it has been, or it might take off tomorrow and I'll be gone a week later. I really don't know. I am just going to try to enjoy what I have left, whether it's a week or another 40+ years! In the long run, I will be fine with whatever I am given! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreadnaught
Thanks for your discretion. Altho I wouldn't have been mad if you had "spilled the beans". It has taken me a while to really come to grips with it tho. Am doing much better in that respect now than what I was when I first told you!Quote:
Originally Posted by GGT
So far I have been damned lucky. I've only had to do the couch thing a little bit. For the most part, I have lived here at the motel! Thanks to Mommymunchkin! Also thanks to her, I have been able to afford my pain meds and my asthma meds. And, between her, The Thing, The Friend, and a whole bunch of other really terrific people, I am NOT going hungry. I do miss being able to actually cook, but at least I can have a hot, nourishing meal every day...most days more than one meal! :)Quote:
Sympathy and compassion doesn't mean pity. I want you to have the basic creature comforts, a safe warm bed, not forced to move around and flop on people's couches, wondering if you'll be sleeping on cardboard boxes with black garbage bags under the bypass. I want you to have plentiful and nutritious meals to eat, meds for your pain, doctors to treat your asthma and back problems, your cancer--even if it's palliative!--and none of that should depend on whether you have a fat bank account, private insurance, or Medicaid or SSDI!
Am I angry? Hell fucking yeah! Do I believe I am being fucked without a kiss by the medical/pharmaceutical/insurance industries? Hell fucking yeah! Am I REALLY pissed off about the medical care, or lack thereof, in BFE, for ANY condition? Hell fucking yeah! Maybe it's the anger, and the hope that I can make it easier for someone else someday to get proper care, that keeps me going!Quote:
Goddammit. Besides learning that you've got a crappy terminal illness, it pisses me off that you can't get proper care. Even a bad diagnosis can mean an extended, relatively comfortable life, to see a few more seasons, birthdays, graduations, weddings, holidays.....but it does mean having quality, coordinated medical care. You deserve that munchie.
It makes me sad, mad even, that you have to FIGHT to find it, but can't find it, in this great wealthy nation we call the United States.
:cry:
Must be hard for you, I can't imagine. I wish you had a case manager who could refer you to a support group. In the interim maybe we (at this forum) can by your support group? You can't keep the secret from everyone, that could drive you down more, when you need a morale boost!Quote:
Originally Posted by oldmunchkin
.....
Quote:
Am I angry? Hell fucking yeah! Do I believe I am being fucked without a kiss by the medical/pharmaceutical/insurance industries? Hell fucking yeah! Am I REALLY pissed off about the medical care, or lack thereof, in BFE, for ANY condition? Hell fucking yeah! Maybe it's the anger, and the hope that I can make it easier for someone else someday to get proper care, that keeps me going!
No, it's not easy, but it's the hand of life I've been dealt. Guess I don't have much choice but to play it. I am trying to keep as positive an attitude as I can, figuring that at least helps my mental health! Also, just knowing I could e-mail you and vent has helped me a lot! :)Quote:
Originally Posted by GGT
But my email isn't working right! Not sure why but it's all fucked up, so I just stopped checking. uh oh.
I'll make a blanket presumptuous statement now, by saying you can always come to this forum to find friends, and vent away! Plenty of people here consider you an online friend, and your absence was noticed. Or use messenger.....we can cuss like sailors! :)
:heart:
What a situation Munch.
Not even having a comfy bed is faintly ridiculous, particularly given your ailments.
Really hope you find some kind of decent accommodation or some is found for you, and damn soon.
:(
That's the spirit. When life deals you lemons always remember Stephen Fry's words: "Lemons are amongst the best and most wonderful gifts of nature. They are adaptable, versatile and delicious. A slice for your gin and tonic – juice to zing life into salads, stews, fish and seafood. Oil and sweetness from the rind and zest that is pure and perfumed and precious. They are a staple of what doctors agree is the best dietary regimen we can follow. S"Quote:
Originally Posted by oldmunchkin
Take care Munchie :)
How does one qualify for disability in the US if you don't ?
I think the relevant question is; when is the last time you had a job? If that was fairly recent before 2008 if I were you then I'd apply for Disability with a first date of disability on the day you fell off that ladder. You probably have enough proof from care givers to back up such a claim.
Munch - at the risk of sounding like I'm giving you advice. :)
I think you should tell your family, it isn't for sympathy or feeling sorry for yourself, it is just that not saying anything won't help you and it won't help them. It seems "wrong" to keep this from your loved ones regardless of what other "issues" you have with them.
A little love and care from people you love and care about is NOT too much to expect. :(
Termit has a point worth considering. A few years ago I had a cancer scare. It was something my uncle died from before I was born. When I found a lump in the same place my uncle had his cancer, I got first and second opinions, scheduled surgery and decided not to tell anyone. But when I had to tell my boss I was going to be out, I completely broke down. So I told my family and my then-girlfriend.
In the end, I had the surgery and they were there for me. It helped a lot -- and ultimately I was lucky, it was a cyst that had the potential to become a tumor like the one that killed my uncle. Probably a genetic thing, but I had the benefit of noticing.
Either way, that was a relatively minor event compared to what you're going through. Which is why it may be worth it to tell your family.
You guys are terrific! :heart:
Timbuk, I am really not doing that bad. I have a bed for a few more days for sure, then I'll deal with whatever comes next.
Ziggy, I knew I could count on you to make me laugh! :haha:
Hazir, if I was a drunk or a drug addict, I would have already been approved. Other than that, my last on the books job was too long ago for it to help qualify me. And, as of right now, the cancer is not common knowledge, altho I suppose it might show up on the next MRI that is done on my back. I don't know if tumors show up on MRI's for sure or not. Since I'm not ready to make that common knowledge, it doesn't figure into SS's decision at all.
termite and Dread, I absolutely refuse to worry Mommymunchkin at this point. Especially considering she has 2 brothers with terminal (both are in remission right now) cancer and 1 brother with Alzheimers, and neither of her sisters are in very good health either. Plus she has her own health issues to deal with, along with the other worries she has.
I also know what The Kid would tell me. "Good! That's just that much less time I am going to have to deal with your shit! Why don't you just go crawl off into a hole and die and get it the fuck over with!" My son and I are having some pretty serious issues right now, and I refuse to let him think I am trying to get sympathy from him! I wonder where he inherited that stubborn streak? :haha:
Seriously guys, I'm doing ok for right now. When/if things change, either for better or worse, I'll be sure to let you all know. Until then, just keep thinking good thoughts for me and know that I will survive. Hell, I always do!
The people who'll deal with your claim won't be telling anybody else. So it would still not be public knowledge, and with your myriad of medical problems it will be impossible for people to guess why if you'd get disability.Quote:
Originally Posted by oldmunchkin
But I have this feeling that being dependent on that somehow is scarier for you than dealing with all your problems on a day to day basis.
Quick update! As of the 1st, I have moved into a tiny, 1 bedroom apartment in a rent controlled building. It's in a Section 8 building, meaning it's based on income. My rent, including basic utilities, is $25 per month! Rent is paid thru Nov.1st, so all is better now.
Congratulations :D
Glad you have somewhere more permanent. :up: Didn't know they had Section 8 housing out there.
Have you told your family about the...other issue?
Nice going Munch :)
Hi Ms. Munchkin :)
I don't like telling anyone what to do, but you have to speak with your son.
I don't mean to scare you, but pancreatic cancer is a very sudden and very short-term affair. For that being your lot in life, you have my complete sympathy.
I am so sorry, honey. If it's late stage, I don't think you yet have an understanding of exactly what this is. This is not one of those times we write off our problems with our children until Christmas.
Get your ass off the Internet, get on the phone and cut through the stupid shit. There is nothing else in the world more important right now. Your life is ending, and ending very soon. Talk to your son and just say some variation of these words: Honey, I'm sorry I was unable to say this before, but I love you. Here's the deal...
You don't have time left for other resolutions. The most important thing right now is to connect with your son again. The last thing you can do as a mother is to clear the anger and take care of your son as much as possible. You won't be there to help him through what comes next, so give him as much as you can now to support him through this.
Most people in your situation do not have anything like the mobility and health you still do. So for the love of god, grow the fuck up, get your dumb ass to the emergency room and get help. They'll even sign you up for medicare themselves. And last but not least, think of your son. Nothing on planet earth is more important than you two preparing for your final time together. I hate to sound morbid, but if this has to be pointed out to you I can see where else he'd be angry with you.
munchie, I hope you come back and update everyone here. gentry is right, snap out of it, denial doesn't work after death.
:heart:
Sigh. :(
I'm very glad you've got some housing, Munch. That's a big help. :up: I didn't see the pancreatic cancer thing until now. :( In same ways I'll echo Gentry, in other ways not.
IT IS IMPORTANT THAT YOU PAY ATTENTION TO THIS POST AND ACT ACCORDINGLY.
1) You need to get medical care somewhere, somehow, ASAP. Why? Because "pancreatic cancer" is not a particularly solid diagnosis, whatever laypeople may think. Weren't you diagnosed with pancreatitis before? The point being that the final diagnosis generally isn't actually final until it has been removed surgically. Other diagnoses are possible. This is important because not all pancreatic cancers are created equal. Just ask Steve Jobs. THE pancreatic cancer (PDAC, or pancreatic ductal adenocarcinoma) has a very low survival rate. That's the one people always assume is meant when they say "pancreatic cancer." BUT, there are a number of other types of pancreatic cancer, and they cannot be discriminated amongst until a pathologist has the removed tumor in hand. You understand? Just because they say you have "pancreatic cancer" doesn't mean you have PDAC, or even a malignant cancer. A colleague of mine had a big but totally benign tumor removed from that region last year. No worries, no end of life. Until surgery, all it means is that you have a tumor in that location.
2) So, don't give up. The key is to get treated ASAP. because if it ISN'T PDAC, then the earlier the treatment, the better your prognosis. You hear me? Don't quit on the basis of a vague diagnosis like you've got, or I'll come to Wyoming and kick your ass myself.
So I'm very very sorry about your health problems. You know that I can empathize with that! But I'll also reiterate that it's critical that you don't throw in the towel on what MUST be a fairly imprecise diagnosis. Because the fact is that you may have a very treatable tumor. But if you DON'T treat it, it could become much worse. So you need to take care of it and figure out where you stand. You can't make uninformed decisions. And at this point you can't convince me that you have a solid diagnosis. I'm not an MD, and I can't recommend treatments. But I do know this much about pancreatic cancer, because I work in a cancer center and I've written grant proposals on the genetic mechanisms of PDAC development. You can't quit now!
I'm gonna try to answer some of this without massively long quotes, so bear with me a bit here! :p
Dread...I think there is Section 8 housing everywhere in the country, it's just that some of it is in better condition than others. The building I am in was originally meant to be for elderly people with limited incomes. As time has passed, they have opened it up to younger people with limited or no income. It's a very nice, well-kept building. We have security camera on every floor, and the outside doors are locked at 8PM, so no random people can just come wandering in. That certainly doesn't mean we are locked in after that, we all have a key...one of those fancy ones that can't be duplicated or some such shit! Hell I dunno how that part works, but you can't make a copy because they won't open the door! :) Of course, for emergencies, law enforcement and the fire department/ambulance service have keys. With the exception of 3 apartments, the entire ground floor is businesses, which seems to help keep the building a bit nicer. We have on-site management and maintenance, 24/7 too! :)
Gentry, GGT, and Tear...I have told Mommymunchkin and The Kid that I am sick, but not what the actual illness is. The Kid and I seem to have mended fences, tentatively, before I told them, so I can feel better about that.
Gentry, until I receive disability, the State of Wyoming considers me an Able-bodied Adult with No Children, meaning I am not able to get any medical help. I can get food stamps, but that's it at the moment.
Tear, I know there are all kinds of different things that could be the "cause" of my problems right now. Considering how I feel, I am inclined, ATM, to believe it's just my pancreatitus acting up. I actually feel quite well in that respect right now. Of course, I could be laid out flat in bed tomorrow, so who knows. Just as soon as I can possibly afford to go to the gastroenterologist, I will go. Until then, I'll just keep on keepin' on! :) I know early detection and treatment are the best things I could be doing, but I have to think of the cost right now. If I go to Casper to the gastroenterologist and it's just pancreatitus, then I am stuck for a hella big bill I can't afford to pay. On the other hand, if it's cancer, then I will be able to get Medicaid but they don't pay for certain kinds of treatments anyway. I have no idea if they would pay for this or not. I have to go to the Family Services offices the end of the month (I can apply for food stamps again then.) so will ask Patti about the Medicaid availability for me.
On a slightly brighter note, I went to see my back specialist a couple weeks ago. (I had to borrow $200 for just an office visit.) He said there is a slight change to the worse, but not enough to require surgery yet. He would like to do another steroid shot in my back, but understands I can't afford that just yet. He was able to write me a year's worth of Lyrica so I could send off to Pfizer and get my expensive pills for little or no cost. That will help immensely as those were costing me $264 a month!
All in all, things are going pretty good for me right now. I did have to make a choice of which to get, TV or internet. Obviously, I chose the cheaper option...internet. Hell, I can get anything here that I want to watch on TV anyway! I'm trying to get everything set up and put away in my apartment. Unfortunately, I sold a lot of stuff at the garage sales last year that I really need now. I am kind of like the kid just starting out...someone gave me a set of dishes they didn't want, I have two skillets...the top and bottom of a cast-iron dutch oven, I have one sauce pan that Mommymunchkin loaned me, one chair The Thing loaned me, and a bed The Thing gave me. To say the least, it's a hell of a lot considering the motel rooms and couches I've been living in/on, with no kitchen or separate bedroom. I am thoroughly enjoying myself getting all this put together. AND, I'm getting a bunch of the stuff out of the storage sheds so maybe we can get another one cleared out this month! :D
Oh honey... If I could hug you I would. This is no way to live.
Thanks Gentry! I'll be ok, I always am. Something will happen to get things going good for me again. Having everyone here to vent to has helped, even the opinions I don't agree with make me think in a different direction.
The Great State of Wyoming. :( Hang in there munchie and come back more often. :heart:
Not trying to act like a dick here, but... does anyone have a plan in place (as to alerting us) for when oldmunchkin kicks the bucket?
What?!?!
And this, right here, is a great example of why I always chuckle when some pot head trots out the assertion that marijuana use doesn't cause brain damage.Quote:
Originally Posted by Ominous Gamer