That's sad. :(Quote:
Originally Posted by GGT
Printable View
That's sad. :(Quote:
Originally Posted by GGT
Why? I mean, is it sad that I can't imagine a romantic love like that, or that it would be hard for me to pull up roots permanently, away from my children at this stage in our lives?Quote:
Originally Posted by littlelolligagged
Social Security benefits will theoretically accrue to any American citizen, regardless of location, if they have worked in the US on a SS tax-paying job for at least 40 quarters (e.g. ten years). However, many countries have tax treaties with the US that swap state-run pension plans (also the same with insurance and the like). It's a little complicated, and varies from country to country.
I probably won't be vested (not having worked enough time in the US), but I wasn't really counting on SS to be worth much anyways.
That you can't imagine a romantic love like that.Quote:
Originally Posted by GGT
Yeah, that.Quote:
Originally Posted by GGT
You'll never meet anyone more cynical and jaded than me, and even I've *had* that. Of course, looking back on it now, it probably significantly contributed to my already high levels of cynicism and bitterness, but still.
Oh. Well I already tried the long distance love. The pulling up roots and moving for love. The bi-coastal love. In my experience it's only been me doing the moving around in the name of love. I was doing the heavy lifting, they saw it as tagging along. Fuck that.
It's not like I was married to a military guy or trans-continental businessman, where we both had to choose and move together. In that context and for self-protection I prefer to think that it's not sad to be cynical. Especially since now I've got children, if they can't wait for me then fuck 'em.
Fixed. :DQuote:
Originally Posted by GGT
I'm not saying it would necessarily be practical to uproot your life and move for love, or even the best thing to do for you or your lover.
I just find it sad that you can't even imagine that type of love.
Hmmm. Having a romantic vision of that type of love, at this time in my life, would be very bad. I can't afford to have my head in the stars. It would hurt too much to be the constant dreamer for the day my love arrives and takes me awaaayyy. I have Calgon and cats for that.
Not saying dreams or fantasies are BAD. Just that I can't base my real life around them. It's hard enough to maneuver day-to-day, without adding fluffy puffy ideas of a love so deep and strong that I'd leave this day-to-day. That just throws my already rambling and cluttered thinking into over-drive, without real fuel.
yeah, that's not such a great thing to fly at the speed of sound at 30,000 feet with no fuel, visual navigations only, and no landing gear. In fog.
:flail:
Is your day-to-day life so great that it would be such a gigantic loss to leave it behind? :noob:
Imagining it exists isn't even necessarily thinking you want it?
I don't even think all love stories have happy endings. Even with that type of all-encompassing love, felt by both parties.
Oh no, it's really pretty dull here. And maybe I'm making the right decisions for the wrong reasons, but my youngest son wants to complete high school here. Not for the school or his friends, but because his father lives here. He's even got his new girlfriend selling her home in Camp Hill to move here, and they bought a house together. With bedrooms for the kids, and their own computers.Quote:
Originally Posted by Loki
Divorce, with kids, is complicated. I won't move without them, and I won't subject them to "long distance summers with dad" either. I can wait. Four years isn't so bad. As long as I have places among friends, like this, where I can vent and yell and....wait to dream?
Yes, I imagine "it exists". That doesn't mean I have to want it, desire it, expect it. It's more like watching a movie. Love never ends (even when it ends) it just changes places. Making sure I love a place as much as I love the person, or they love me, just seems practical.Quote:
Originally Posted by littlelolligagged
It's not like going to college or making professional five year goals. Nothing wrong with serial monogamy or hopping the planet either, but it's not such a great environment for children. Visit and vacation, sure. Move interstate or intrastate, perhaps, depending. Change national citizenship, not so much.
Quote:
Originally Posted by GGT
Alrighty, then.Quote:
Originally Posted by GGT
Quote:
Or maybe I could, if my kids both moved out of the country permanently....
The problem here is that it sounds as if you are blaming your kids for your lack of interest in love.
I'd have no problem with your saying you don't want to move away because it wouldn't be fair to your youngest to take him away from his father. Hell, I'd agree with it. But that type of love doesn't necessarily involve picking up and moving, abandoning everything.
Just don't give up on the possibility altogether.
Delaying instant gratification, or working on short term goals doesn't mean I've given up totally on possibilities. I sure hope both my kids know this. There really aren't too many divorced or remarried couples in their peer group. A couple of their friends had to "move for the summer and cant' play baseball because their dad has custody for the summer", but for the most part---their friends have mom and dad showing up at parent-teacher conferences, school plays and concerts, sports events.Quote:
Originally Posted by littlelolligagged
We only know one family whose father is deployed to Afghanistan or Iraq on a regular basis, and he isn't in direct combat because he's a Colonel in Logistics. We've had a few National Guard parents leave, and come home. The point is, in a small-ish town where kids go from kindergarten through HS graduation together, these dynamics matter.
So what about you, Lolli? You're a "divorced" parent and have posted about not liking your town or state. Hell, you don't seem to like the US much! If you have a dream of moving, why don't you? Do you need a lover to spur that, or do you rely on your own instincts as a mother, and why are your puzzle pieces any easier than mine?
Hint, they're not. ;)
My problem is deciding where I want to go. If I knew that, I would be gone. My instincts as a mother have nothing to do with it, but it's not like I will move multiple times in an attempt to find the perfect place, because that wouldn't be very fair to them. Kids really do want their parents to be happy, you know. And even you have pointed out that there is nothing wrong with putting yourself first occasionally.
Also, I would like to point out that I don't run around posting about my love-life, and I'm not going to start now.
That's because you love your life. :o
:D What's not to love?
Your proximity to other Georgians. :o
Bingo. The ole bloom where planted idea, but be fair to the kids who have to move around while mama finds her roots? Kids want their parents to be happy, of course! They just don't need to be dragged around because mama (or daddy) can't decide. Stability and routine are good for kids, boredom can be good too.Quote:
Originally Posted by littlelolligagged
I moved half a dozen times before I hit puberty. It's been illuminating for my kids and I to watch a full twenty years transpire in one place. First they like a kid, best friends forever, then they hated them, ignored them, grew apart, found them again, new best friends forever....they've learned to see people in totality and context, and how it changes over time. And how it applies themselves.
In essence, they've learned how to be patient and forgiving and not-so-judgemental, in a way that only small town life can offer over time. I think it's neat that they have learned a skill so young in life that took me years to cultivate. If I'd yanked them from here (because I could, and wanted to expand MY horizons) would they have learned that or incorporated that as a value? Who knows.
Bullshit. You started on the scene, right from the bat, about your love life. Don't try to bat your lashes and feign innocence now, it's too late.Quote:
Also, I would like to point out that I don't run around posting about my love-life, and I'm not going to start now.
Oh, well, there is that. :o
@Icky.
She does?Quote:
Originally Posted by Loki