Or they hate the life I've tried to provide for them. Quite the paradox.
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Or they hate the life I've tried to provide for them. Quite the paradox.
I'm sure they don't hate you. What brought this on?
If I had a nickel for every time I heard a person tell their parents that they hate them. As Wraith says, I doubt they meant it.
That must be a rough feeling, GGT. I assure you that, to the extent that it may be true, they'll grow out of it. We usually do. That being said, I don't think they really hate you--but I'm willing to listen to your story
This sounds like an ugly fight -- but you know you've given them everything and deep down they probably know it too.
This generation (Y I'm assuming) has a giant sense of entitlement.Quote:
Originally Posted by GGT
It's not about this generation or you GGT it's about hormones, teenagers and every generation. Your kids are growing up and going through THAT stage.
Teenagers need to quit the relation they had to their parents as a child to start a new different more emancipated relationship as an adult.
It's the same between girls and boys as well, everyone is going through the "girls/boys are stupid" phase and then through the "parents are stupid" phase.
Well the kids are partially right.
Everyone is stupid...
From what you have told us about the situation in the past, it seems like your kids are just having a hard time figuring life out. Being teenagers, dealing with divorce and remarriage, and their hormones (I assume that boys are just as irrational as girls can be). I can remember being very frustrated as an older teen with my parents. I remember telling them I hated my life and saying awful things. As I matured, and learned to deal with my feelings, I was able to understand their view. Other than our bad fight last year, we've grown closer as I got older and understood the world they raised me in. Not that I'm 100% agreeable with them at all times, I don't agree with some of their social views. I've not been in the same situation your family is in, but I can imagine they have a lot going on in their heads. Have you all had family therapy? (I know therapy always sounds bad, but it honestly is a good thing)
I remember a time when I "hated" my parents, too. A very strong word, and not truly descriptive....but contextually appropriate.
Have I reached my nadir, or its zenith? Human life stages are complicated and confusing this way. It's challenging to raise a child, or be a child, in the 21st century. Most of our 'disciplines and strategies' are still rooted in 19th/20th century didactics. Are they working?
Sure, I've had "therapy", my siblings have had "therapy", my children have had "therapy". Individual, group, and family. It's been a helpful resource for all of us, at one time or another. So far I'm the only one taking medication. Well, my sisters and ex-husband take a plethora of meds: hormones, sleeping pills, beta blockers, anti-hypertensives, cholesterol inhibitors...but not anti-depressants. Their view of meds isn't based so much on chemical make-up but lifestyle. Ironic, huh.
Both of my boys exhibit signs of emotional stress. It's been hard to figure out what's "normal", since our normals have changed. Some of their peers have been diagnosed with ADHD, or variants of autism or Aspergers, and take meds that help them focus and function. That's culturally acceptable. But if a child is clinically anxious or depressed....taking prescribed meds is seen as a character disorder. They're lazy, spoiled, or their parents are the weakest link. More acceptable is their peers self-medicating with booze or pot, or random sex, or whatever.
When I made the OP, Carly Simon lyrics were lingering in my brain.
Their children hate them for the things they love,
they hate themselves for what they are....
No. Its easier then ever. It has never been easier to raise a child from infancy to adulthood. The likelihood of survival is higher then in any other generation. Furthermore a child in our era has access to medicine and technology that our ancestors could only dream of. I get this isn't the debate side of the forum but get a fucking grip. Life is absolutely better in practically every way now then it was in the past.Quote:
Originally Posted by GGT
Right, because we were talking about hunting Saber Tooth Tigers and SmallpoxQuote:
Originally Posted by Lewkowski
Hi,Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewkowski
children have brains, minds. You know that thing between our ears? You know that thing called "psyche"? You do know what that is, right? Man, get a fucking grip. It is challenging to be a kid or to raise a kid in the 21st century. If nothing else the level of complexity in life has increased greatly. I realise of course that your "be stupid" strategy may have done a very good job of blinding you to that reality.
Challenging compared to what? Living a hundred years ago and having to work in a factory at the age of 12? Or how about 200 years ago if you were black? Please. Today is far cushier for kids and parents.Quote:
Originally Posted by Aimless
liberalQuote:
Originally Posted by Aimless
Lewk, you tard, they're talking about "raising a child", not "being a child". Of course it's hard to raise a child in an era that's changing so far that everything you thought you knew about raising a child is rapidly becoming irrelevent and everyone has to wing it.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewkowski
Oh so now you wanna talk about 200 years ago huh? hypocrite.Quote:
Originally Posted by Lewkowski
Really?Quote:
Originally Posted by Steely Glint
Because I was responding to this quote:
"It's challenging to raise a child, or be a child, in the 21st century. "
GGT mentioned the 19th and 20th century.Quote:
Originally Posted by Aimless
But clarify it for me - which time period had it easier to raise or be a child? Also provide some objective metrics YOU want to look at in order to have this discussion. What will be used to validate or invalidate the ease of raising a child? Are we talking about mortality rate? Are we talking about crime rate? Are we talking about education? Are we talking about technology? Are we talking about availability of food, resources, medicine, social support structures and child rearing tools?
Stress, decision fatigue, depression and anxiety, suicides, obesity and associated problems, increased healthcare costs, increased educational costs, worse situation for single mothers, more single mothers, daddies in jail, always-on bullying, drugs and alcohol, driving,
Life was certainly hard, and in so many ways worse, way back when, but in many respects it was also simpler. I realise of course that you have difficulties even beginning to appreciate this notion due to your carefully cultivated Bible-based ragehate-generated father-provoked ignorance and stupidity, but many people on this planet do not have your admirable qualities or access to your kind of upbringing.
When you are a kid, parents know it all.
When you are a teen, parents know nothing about life.
When you are 30, you realize your parents knew a lot about life.
US is quite a strange society to me, where almost everyone is diagnosed with a disorder. Truth is that what people lack is not a pill, but peace of mind. Nothing outside can make fill the void inside, only peace of mind. By turning it into a secular society, they removed the ability of people to make sense of their lives.
We all have a mission in life, and for sure this mission is NOT to suffer. Find what is and bring peace of mind to yourself, and you will be teaching your kids a great lesson. Secular views deny our need of spirituality (which is not the same as religion) and then we lose our peace of mind, just like denying money to the starved would not solve hunger problems..
I would advise to visit eNotAlone forum.
:up:Quote:
Originally Posted by Knux897
Lewk's idea of "easy" means religious schools or home-schooling....where teaching Creationism or Intelligent Design doesn't have to compete with the rigors and standards of Science. Where kids don't have to get basic vaccinations against mumps or measles, their guardians don't have to provide comprehensive Sex Ed or contraceptives, let alone lunch.
At the same time though Minx, the tools for them to manage that complexity, the resources and aid available to help them when they're struggling or otherwise having problems, are immense and for the most part pretty accessible.Quote:
Originally Posted by Aimless
Is Little Fuzzy today's new "liberal"?
(I assumed a typo in your post, and you really meant to say "inaccessible".)
There you go again, taking what someone says and reading the exact opposite. I said they were pretty accessible for the most part and I meant it.Quote:
Originally Posted by GGT
Then I stand corrected, and my last post is moot.
However, I'll challenge your notion that resources and aid (to those who need it) are "immense and accessible".
You might care to remember that I was replying to what Minx wrote. I'm sure you can come up with all sorts of scenarios or examples where aid isn't good enough, or not easy enough to get access to, by whatever mutable standard you have in mind. But I wasn't addressing your standard or whatever you can imagine up, I was replying to what Minx said.Quote:
Originally Posted by GGT
Fine, but what minx posted about today's complexity isn't so different from what I said. :bored:
Having virtually no insight into what's actually happening here, I'm going to posit a completely unfounded and probably-incorrect hypothesis.
I couldn't help but notice that you've had your kids/family in group therapy before. Not every parent opens-up like that to their kids. Personally, I don't know anyone who has told me about being in therapy with their parents (even those who talk about going to therapy on their own). It sounds like a potentially-unique amount of openness.
Whatever happened with your kids, do you think it might be because there's a level of open-dialog that lets random emotional outbursts make their way to you?
I'm not being critical or even particularly knowledgable about group therapy with kids. I'm just wondering if some of that past open dialog may have led them to say something they may not truly mean, but nonetheless say because of past experiences with open family dialog.
To a great extent that is absolutely true. On the other hand, the human brain hasn't changed all that much in 200 years, even if we now have less lead poisoning to deal with :oQuote:
Originally Posted by LittleFuzzy
Stress - How would you measure it?Quote:
Originally Posted by Aimless
Decision fatigue - Ditto.
Depression and anxiety - Now this is interesting. Is it being over diagnosed today? Under diagnosed yesterday? Which is worse?
Suicides - Hey we found a metric we can work with.
Obesity and associated problems - Erm. Too much food, first world problems. ;)
Increased Health Care Costs - Yeah cus dying would be cheaper - this is a double edged sword, part of the reason costs are up is because new procedures that costs thousands and thousands of dollars have been created that will save people's lives.
Increased educational costs - Balance this against the % of people who are still getting educated and I don't see how this works in your favor - though we are now a bit afield if we are talking about college.
Worse situations for single mothers - Income? Public Assistance? Social perception?
Daddies in jail - OK incarceration rate of fathers that would be a legit item.
Always-on Bullying - Eh were there studies down on bullying 50 years ago? If not it would be hard to make a comparison. Unless you're referring to social media?
Drugs and alcohol - Usage rates?
Driving - Eh?
And while I do have many admirable qualities even without them my life would still be better off today then it would 30 years ago. Or 60. Or a 150. I'd rather raise my child in today's generation then any past generation.
Obesity. Some times it is the result of choosing the wrong food. However, many times it is the result of compulsive eating. There is a support group called overeaters anonymous that provide support to this kind of compulsion. For alcoholics, it is somewhat easier, as they just need to put the bottle away, but people can't stop eating. So it makes compulsive eating a tough problem for those who suffer it. Without healing the soul, a body cannot be healed.
I don't really know what you're saying, or asking. :confused:Quote:
Originally Posted by Dreadnaught
The reason my kids and I sought counseling was because their father, my spouse, suddenly left, moved out. Suddenly means learning about Friday's move on Wednesday. It was just down the street, and it was only "temporary".
Later, I learned that he'd planned the whole thing as a personal escape, signing a mortgage, but told me it was simply a temporary lease. He didn't have any intention of coming home...but he lied straight faced to me....and our kids.
He even told our "marriage counselor" that he wasn't interested in marriage counseling....but wanted her to help him out of the marriage. I only know that because she left her notebook open and her notes were right there in big print. Is that a therapist technique?
I was crushed, devastated. It was a turning point. He didn't consider that I or our sons would be totally confused, heart broken, crushed. He still doesn't understand the emotional damage he caused. Our relationship remains strained. Our sons still struggle emotionally. They've gone from running away (down the street to their dad's house) to running away from their emotions (and an emotionally absent father). Yeah, that's the kind of shit that calls for counseling and therapy.