An amend

Hello there. It's been a while since I had a look around here and it's good to see all the familiar people posting and maintaining the community.

I'll keep this brief. I'm a recovering addict. I've been free of my compulsive pattern of living for some time now. I work a program of recovery and it requires me to make amends for things I've done in the past that are unresolved - the reason for this is to clear my 'resentment'. Unresolved resentments cloud my conact to a Higher Power, which is something that keeps me clean, productive and positive.

I've been harbouring some resentments against this forum, and it's because I need to make an amend for things that I've said and done in the past. I used this place as a soap-box and an engine of self-validation. It may sound strange but I know now that if I hadn't, then I wouldn't have come to learn important things about myself and my attitudes that would then lead me to a place where I could ask for help and begin to turn my life around.

I think I cultivated an image of perversion around my username. It was attention-seeking behaviour. I was also rigid in my beliefs and hard-headed, not in the least bit open-minded to the notion that it was I who needed to change, not the rest of the world.

Reading and posting here was quite an experience because I learned a lot about world issues and the way that people from different countries function in their societies. Thank-you all for educating and enlightening me on countless issues; particularly Loki, Ness and Minx, who I think is now called Aimless, though I may be wrong there.

Ness once wrote a short-story about the CC's users and I was the doomed love-dictator who couldn't see that the island he'd created was transient; impermanent. I'm glad to say that those days are over for me, as the result of working my program.

Thanks to everyone who's remained in touch! I appreciate the friendships that I've gained here.

Thanks for your time
Momo.

You're welcome, you may repay me at least by explaining why it is that so many women and children in Africa spend SO MUCH of their time and energy carrying water long distances on their HEADS when they could (in theory?) be using wagons or carts or cargo-bikes. People tend to be smart enough to avoid unnecessary difficulties in work, so I can only imagine that wheels are either 1. worse than heads, or 2. inaccessible/unavailable.

With that out of the way, I can only say wow, this was a very unexpected thread :noob: it almost sounds as if you've Found God or something. Just don't forget that we're all works-in-progress (in good ways) forever :heart:

The Island of Dr. Momo was a work of art, though. You were integral in that.

You sound contented in this recovery phase, so that's a good thing. Congrats. :up:

Not sure what you meant about making amends for a perversion of your user-name in the forum, or being rigid and hard-headed. Let alone attention-seeking or soap-boxing.

I considered you an honest person, quite up front about your feelings and conflicts, as you went through them. Change is what happens when we least suspect it, most times from talking and exploring with others. Never once did I consider you to be "rigid".

Many things in our world DO need to be changed, modified, upgraded. Sometimes it's the most sensitive and alert people who remind us that the world is fucked up, not the other way around. What do you mean by

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I was also rigid in my beliefs and hard-headed, not in the least bit open-minded to the notion that it was I who needed to change, not the rest of the world.

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??

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You're welcome, you may repay me at least by explaining why it is that so many women and children in Africa spend SO MUCH of their time and energy carrying water long distances on their HEADS when they could (in theory?) be using wagons or carts or cargo-bikes. People tend to be smart enough to avoid unnecessary difficulties in work, so I can only imagine that wheels are either 1. worse than heads, or 2. inaccessible/unavailable.

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Well, I think it's the rural poor that carry water on their heads and they probably do so because they can't afford a wheel-barrow. Failing that, if one kid had a wheelbarrow and the others didn't, don't you think the poor girl would be teased and laughed at?
'Look at her, she has to use a wheelbarrow! haha', sort of thing.

Secondly, the head-carrying trick is effective. Your hands are kept free to hold your children's hands, for a start. Also the weight is evenly-balanced through your centre of gravity - no risk of pulling lower back muscles hauling goods around.

How's that for guesses?

I sort of see what you're saying, but can't really come to terms with it given what I've seen of the pulling capacity of tiny brownies on bikes in Bangladesh :heart: Gonna have a look into the matter sometime. Might revolutionise foreign aid!!

Re. resentment, I hope you don't resent your past self :) but it's okay if you do :o

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Originally Posted by GGT

You sound contented in this recovery phase, so that's a good thing. Congrats. :up:

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Merci.

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Sometimes it's the most sensitive and alert people who remind us that the world is fucked up, not the other way around. What do you mean by

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I was also rigid in my beliefs and hard-headed, not in the least bit open-minded to the notion that it was I who needed to change, not the rest of the world.

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??

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I saw problems everywhere, I think, because I was terribly self-centred. To me, life was 'my opinion', 'my belief', 'my experiences'. I'm not saying there's anything wrong with that, but it doesn't work for me because my mind is an unfathomable beast that tries to run my life and succeeds rather well, to my own detriment: addiction is a disease to do with self-centred fear. I had and have strong beliefs about the power of fear in the world. Polish something and it begins to shine, right? Well I polished that fear angle until it shone so bright I couldn't see anything else. Once I got over that part I became more content and sober. :) Ultimately I want to be content and happy all the time (don't we all?). Fear doesn't have a place in a life like that.

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Originally Posted by Aimless

I sort of see what you're saying, but can't really come to terms with it given what I've seen of the pulling capacity of tiny brownies on bikes in Bangladesh

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That's a colonial legacy. The old Pomms wanted their gins delivered quick-sticks and gave the darkies cycles and barrows to get it done. :p

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Re. resentment, I hope you don't resent your past self :) but it's okay if you do :o

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I don't.

This is a rather unexpected apology (such as it is), but I'm sure most reasonable posters won't hold your past against you. (Though this community isn't very good with that!) And perseverance with your struggle against addiction, it certainly isn't easy sometimes :(

Not quite sure what you're on about, but you sound rather content now, so that's the important bit.

Good to see yo :):up:

Will you be around, or is this a drive by visit?

I think its a drive-by. Let's see.

thanks Ness.

12 step programs encourage people to "make amends for past transgressions". Related to past hurts or lashing out at others. Or seeing our selves in third person, along with other third parties, just as third parties see us. Seeking forgiveness from them is a way to forgive ourselves. It sounds round-about in theory, but it's really quite difficult in reality---some pointy head psychologist could explain it better.

I still would like to know, Momo, what about your previous postings lead you to this amendment? Very glad to see you back and all.....but you can't just re-appear, write some flowery words, and disappear again.

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Originally Posted by Momo

I think its a drive-by. Let's see.

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Either way: stay positive :)

This better not be a Momo drive-by. Ziggy is just a sweet stoner Dutch Boy, living below sea level with dykes all around. Of course he has a positive outlook! Plus, the Dutchies made it to the final round in South Africa, orangies kicking soccer balls!

Bzzzzt vuvuzela! Bzzzt!

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Originally Posted by GGT

I still would like to know, Momo, what about your previous postings lead you to this amendment?

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I told you: I regret my previous closed-mindedness, arognace, grandiosity, self-will, dishonesty.

I could list individual trasgressions of the above but it'd be time-consuming and I'm lazy.

I'm delighted to see Momo, for however long he wants to visit.

Agreed with Nessus and Ziggy. This is unexpected and I don't think you have much to apologize to use for, but nice to hear that you're becoming happy with yourself and I hope you stick around. :up:

Hi Momo - I've always more or less liked your persona here and we've never had any interaction that would require amends or generate resentment so far as I can recall. I was chaloobi, btw. I'm glad for you that you're asserting more control over your life. Good stuff. Hope you can visit here more often.

Considering the crowd around here, self-validation is last thing momo needs to be apologizing for.

Welcome back Momo, and good luck. Hope you can stick around for a bit.

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Originally Posted by Ominous Gamer

Considering the crowd around here, self-validation is last thing momo needs to aapologizing for.

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Ominous Gamer then follows up with a congratulatory patting of his own back.

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Originally Posted by GGT

12 step programs encourage people to "make amends for past transgressions". Related to past hurts or lashing out at others. Or seeing our selves in third person, along with other third parties, just as third parties see us. Seeking forgiveness from them is a way to forgive ourselves. It sounds round-about in theory, but it's really quite difficult in reality---some pointy head psychologist could explain it better.

I still would like to know, Momo, what about your previous postings lead you to this amendment? Very glad to see you back and all.....but you can't just re-appear, write some flowery words, and disappear again.

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Oh, I C, we're being used for just another bit of self-validation. Now in the name of some 12 step program.

I'm surprised by the negative attitudes.

Maybe Momo just felt he needed to do this. He doesn't need to justify it to us or stick around to satisfy someone else's needs. I hope he does, because I like him lots - but I'm sure as hell not going to make demands on him.

Maybe you should consider that faux apologies make for poor amends. I don't see any difference with the previous drama queen behaviour.

You don't know that it is faux. Or are you a figment of Momo's imagination?

Did you feel somehow that he needed to make amends to you? I didn't see it as anything more than something he felt he needed to say.

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Originally Posted by littlelolligagged

You don't know that it is faux. Or are you a figment of Momo's imagination?

Did you feel somehow that he needed to make amends to you? I didn't see it as anything more than something he felt he needed to say.

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Well, the main reason we all post here is because we feel we need to say something, anything. The opening post to me reads like a confession that stops after the 'I have sinned'.

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Originally Posted by Hazir

Well, the main reason we all post here is because we feel we need to say something, anything.

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The main reason why I post here is because I like to hear what everyone has to say even if I don't like what they're saying. Not everyone comes here because they like seeing/hearing themselves talk.

Hi Momo, nice to see you again! I'm very sorry to hear you went through a difficult time, but I'm very pleased to hear that you came out on the other side in a more healthy state. Certainly you have nothing to apologize for to me. If you'll forgive me for inferring (and disregard me if I'm wrong), perhaps the apology you are making is for dissatisfaction with your conduct in its broader context, i.e. the rest of your life? I certainly recall no harm you did to other members. Certainly nothing that requires apology. I remember you being a warm and friendly poster with interesting perspective. A very different life than mine, but an intriguing one.

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Originally Posted by Illusions

The main reason why I post here is because I like to hear what everyone has to say even if I don't like what they're saying. Not everyone comes here because they like seeing/hearing themselves talk.

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And yet you have an account in order to post.

Hey Momo, I guess you never knew me well at all, but nonetheless it makes me really happy to see you're feeling better about your life, and yourself. I never noticed any of your past traits you're describing, but perhaps that's the way it is with everyone. It's good to take a period of time to get to know yourself. Here's to hoping you stick around!

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Originally Posted by Hazir

And yet you have an account in order to post.

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Sometimes I like to hear people discuss things that aren't currently topics, and occasionally I like venting, and sometimes I like commenting on whats going on...like right now. You also need an account to have detailed and persistent user settings.

Momo,

Nice to see you pop in, however regardless of whats happened be it right or wrong, please do stick around!

One does miss being called Metrosexual (only works if it's you baby :mad::up:) and also the sight of the He-Man avatar.

No pressure, but you know it makes sense. Join us! Come home!

Dr Mo!!

FABULOUS to see you again sunshine!

You have nothing to apologise for - least not to me. And who gives a shit about the rest of the retards on this board.

Hope you stick around.

Mwah!