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I don't disagree. There is a time and place for speaking harshly, setting expectations, and even cutting off communication. None of those belies being respectful when you do so. Saying, "You crossed a line, buddy," is a perfect example. It is fine to set boundaries, express those boundaries, and stand by them. That doesn't mean you have to do so in a way that debases yourself, or your beliefs.
I think you're going to need to explain what forms of communication you consider to be debasing and why if we're going to get anywhere.
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Yeah, I don't know what culture you grew up in, but that has not been my experience. If anything I think what we are seeing is a natural result of an increasingly sectarian and tribal focus that has evolved on both the right and left that has pushed everyone farther apart. I don't believe that further driving a wedge between people will do anything to improve the situation. When you can't disagree with someone without being called a racist, and you can't shut down a racist without being a leftist, there is little room for an interchange of ideas. If a "leftist" can't speak to a "racist," or a "racist" dialogue with a "leftist" without their peers attacking them for coddling the opposition we end up with little more than echo chambers and the coarsening of rhetoric creating a feedback loop. You shouting down a racist doesn't change his mind, it reinforces his views of the opposition - and of course it gets you likes and retweets.
It's not about 'changing the mind' of racists, because their minds can't be changed ("You cannot reason someone out of something he or she was not reasoned into."), it's about not giving them the space to spread their ideas as legitimate.