Lifestyle Changes.

[oldmunchkin]

My illness has resulted in one lifestyle change that is very difficult to manage. No, I'm not talking about the booze...I'm talking about food and eating!

I used to enjoy food. I would savor the taste and the texture and the smell. I would plan to cook something in the evening, and look forward to it all day. Now tho, I find myself in the position of having to eat 6 times a day, whether I am hungry or not. I also have to quit eating before I'm full. I have to count carbs and calories (not so good with the calories yet) and vitamins and manage to make a well-balanced diet out of all this. I have gotten to where I no longer get any enjoyment out of cooking or eating.

I realize that a lot of eating and food ideas are psychological and emotional responses. I also realize I grew up believing that food was fuel for the body, and you should "fill your tank" at the table, but not "over-fill the tank". To me, eating when I'm not hungry is like filling up your car at the corner station, when you just filled up at the station 1/2 block down the street. I can't imagine how that can be good for any part of the digestive system. But, at the same time, I know that is the kind of diet I have to adhere to now. I just can't bring myself to enjoy a meal if I know I have to eat something again in 3 hours, because I know I'm still going to feel full from my meal. But, I also don't quite understand how leaving the table hungry can be good for me either!

Maybe I have some deep psychological issue that makes me think I am either going to starve or get fat. Hell, I don't know. I do know I am having a big problem adhering to this sort of diet/lifestyle. I am keeping a food diary, and will show it to the Dr. the next time I see him, but there again, I don't quite get how a diary will help me either, other than showing the Dr. what and when I am eating.

I would appreciate your thoughts on this subject. I have already managed to make GGT angry. She seems to think I am just being stubborn, when I really don't understand all this stuff. I am trying to learn, so all opinions are appreciated. My life, quite literally, depends on me getting a handle on all this!

[Dreadnaught]

Well, in many respects it's not "natural" to eat in such a regimented way. But I do think the diary will help cement this as a routine and it will start feeling more normal over time. How many weeks in is this?

[oldmunchkin]

It's been 4 1/2 weeks. I am still struggling to make this work.

[GGT]

I won't comment here on your particular dilemma, munch. You already know my opinion on that.

I am going to bring up another type of lifestyle change based on what I've been experiencing for the last few years. Namely, children that grow and mature into young adults while dealing with divorced parents. We've all had to adjust and adapt our lives after the divorce. I used to think the kids were somehow being hurt or cheated, as they had to change their lifestyle routine. The beds they slept in, the meals they ate, their school bus stops. Remembering where their cleats were, or that book they were reading. Moving back and forth between households, packing their things like transients, never feeling quite "settled" or at "home".

But they managed well, and even learned some flexibility and organizational "skills" that many adults don't have. I hope some of that is because of my decision to keep them close to their father, in the same school district, with all their friends and familiarities. We eventually sold our family home, after he'd moved out and bought another house down the street. That was quite a change and very sudden. The family homestead held too many memories as ghosts (for me), but the kids and I only moved a couple of miles away.

I thought we'd made a fairly nice transition and compromise, until our old neighbor called to apologize profusely......Andrew had felt a little "homesick" and wandered down the old path from the bus stop to our old house. He was reminiscing about this and that, when he was confronted by an old neighbor who didn't recognize him. He threatened to call the police, and pretty much scared the crap out of the kid, even though he tried to say he was "from the neighborhood" and used to live in that house. The man called an adjacent neighbor, to alert her of a suspicious teenager in glasses and braces, who looked like a prowler. (They'd had some break-ins and thefts recently, as the economy tanked.)

It had been so long, he had grown so much, he wasn't even recognized by the people he remembered. That really bothered him. I think that was a pivotal moment for Andrew, learning how life changes, and we change right alongside. But we don't all change at the same pace or for the same reasons.

[oldmunchkin]

I think you made a good decision with your kids. Regardless of your personal feelings for your ex-husband, you made certain they didn't lose contact with him! You also took their feelings into consideration by not moving them completely away from their "old stomping grounds", their school and their friends. I realize that not all divorced parents can do what you did, but you are to be commended for thinking of your children first. I can't speak for you, but I know a lot of divorced women want to get as far away as possible, from the ex and from the memories!

Yes, it's hard for children to realize they have changed a lot while growing up, while the people they remember really haven't changed at all! (Or at least that's the way it seems sometimes.) It happened to my son a while back. We went to a 90th birthday party for a lady whose husband had owned the house next door to the one we lived in on Main Street. The Kid used to follow D. around the yard, and D. paid him to do "odd jobs" from the time he was about 4! (Yes, some of those were make-believe jobs, but D. loves my kid!) At the party, D.'s wife...R., didn't recognize The Kid. Of course, she didn't see him as much as a youngster, and since she doesn't get out much, she hadn't seen him since high school graduation. Admittedly, The Kid hasn't changed all that much since then, but in R.'s eyes, he would always be the cute little boy who helped D. with the yard and house! The Kid was feeling terrible when D. walked up and said to R., "I see The Kid's name here found you!" Her face lit up, and she said, "Get down here and give me a hug...right this minute!" (She is about my size and Kid is 6 feet tall! lol) Mom told him not to fret about it, and asked him how often she has called him by Grandpa's name! And she sees him every day!

I know Mommymunchkin had a rather hard time adjusting to smaller living quarters and renting instead of owning her own home. But even bigger for her and Dad was selling the ranch and moving to town. I know that, for about a year, my Dad would just sit on the front porch and kind of mope. Then, 1 little old widowed lady called asking him to help her with something, and his 2nd (or 3rd or 4th ) career was born!

I think most dramatic lifestyle changes are hard on people. I know I have had a hella hard time adapting to living in an apartment instead of a house, having no lawn or flowerbeds, and having no pets! Of course, sometimes the smallest changes can see huge! Take, for instance, my having to give up my weekly 3 Musketeers bar! I really think I miss that more than anything else. But I still manage to sneak 1 in here and there!

[GGT]

Sudden lifestyle changes are always more traumatic than the gradual ones. Death, divorce, serious illness or injury, giving birth, hospitalization. Returning home after hospitalization can be as upsetting as being hospitalized in the first place!