So, what's the best way to start a romantic relationship with a friend from way back?
Not that it pertains to me, and only asking because it may or may not be relevant...
But, what would y'all do if you randomly bumped into someone who you haven't seen since everyone drifted apart after college a few (maybe several) years back and wanted to explore an actual relationship with? (One of those strange things that I hear happen from time to time, involving sex, but also, potentially emotions or commitment or a future and such...)
"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them."
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."
-- Thomas Jefferson: American Founding Father, clairvoyant and seditious traitor.
Ask to hang out again -- and see if you feel the same way. The big hurdle is if she feels the same way and if you can actually tell. Which in turn will impact how direct you would have to be.Originally Posted by CitizenCain
But in general I think women tend to be a bit more thorough at putting people they know on two separate acquaintance "spectrums": the "friends" spectrum and "romantic" spectrum. It can be hard for guys to jump from one spectrum to another because women separate them pretty well. IE they set the bar high to jump from the "friends" to "romantic" realm of possibility. And vice-versa (which is why guys can spend months having a crush on their friend, yet aghast that their friend keeps sleeping with guys who appear to be total losers)
But guys tend to place most women on a single spectrum of how willing they would be to sleep with said woman.
Hopefully that all makes sense...
No, makes perfect sense, and was kind of what I was afraid the answer was anyway... just hoping for a different answer that, uh, played into my strengths a little more... or to any degree whatsoever. Thanks, though.
"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them."
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."
-- Thomas Jefferson: American Founding Father, clairvoyant and seditious traitor.
Of course, if you just ran into her once, you otherwise don't interact and you know she's single...you could just ask her out on a date. If she says yes, it makes that awkward layer of "what does she think?" slightly harder to cut through.
If only life were that simple, eh? But it's more complicated that that, so I think I gotta take that other approach involving.... <shudder> feelings and telepathy and other undesirable female pursuits.
"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them."
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."
-- Thomas Jefferson: American Founding Father, clairvoyant and seditious traitor.
Depends on how long ago way back means. I disagree with Dread a bit here....women are willing to change their dance cards, especially after several years and maturation.
Thinking of our HS reunions, where women would say things like, "Wow, did we ever underestimate the geeks, nerds, studious types, shy guys, late bloomers back then, when all we cared about was who was cool and cute, or who'd be our prom date. So-and-so turned out to be a real catch (mate)."
Men would see the same things, but mostly about who grew to be "hot" in adulthood, after being invisible in HS. Many were still looking at it from a sexual angle, just as they did in HS ("I'd do her right now"). But then, my HS reunions were filled with debauchery, four day weekends of partying in nice hotels (most spouses were sent to their room or kept at home to watch the kids....) and plenty of booze and sex.
Still, there were lots of re-connections and friends turned lovers, even serious relationships, long-distance relationships, and subsequent marriages. Someone kept track of the statistics over time, and we had something like 10% of classmates that married each other. (That sounded high to me)
Wordy way of saying never say never.At least you have social media now, and can do e-mail, Facebook or Skype stuff, to put your feelers out and see what's she's thinking or receptive to.
Actually, that social media angle might be helpful... I can ask if she's a social media junkie, and her answer might render the whole issue moot.
"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them."
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."
-- Thomas Jefferson: American Founding Father, clairvoyant and seditious traitor.
Or invite her to join this forum, so she can read your opinions (or rants) and you can read hers.
You did ask about the potential of a relationship with emotions/commitment/future "and such". You don't strike me as the kind of guy who could be happy with a great looking babe who's dumb, passive, overly dependent, or doesn't have opinions on issues. Not that you'd have to agree on all things to have a good relationship. Opposites often work well together.
I find that with exes, if I meet them later, there is usually still a spark, or connection.. I mean, you were attracted to eachother before for a reason. So once I get talking to them, it's usually not so hard to get an interesting conversation, and at the end just say you'd like to see them again and arrange a date.
Keep on keepin' the beat alive!
What's making it more complicated than that?
Carthāgō dēlenda est
The short answer to your question is: get in touch, go out somewhere nice, get out of your head, be a little different, enjoy each others' company, do it again. Kinda like with a stranger, only with more first date conversation topics. Medical opinion based on evidence. In the end it's all going to be about emotions and attitudes and circumstances.
We've been sharing "how did you meet" stories at work this past week and I was surprised to learn just how many people were friends first. I don't disagree with Dread's assertion that girls are often better at and more likely to set up clear boundaries with specific rules... But my observations show that girls end up with friends often enough. They don't change the rules but every girl I've ever heard speak about this sort of thing has been willing to reevaluate just which set of rules to apply. It's prudence more than anything else that makes them seem less flexible than guys.
A few years after highschool I was shocked to learn just how many of the the girls in our school viewed the guys. There was no black and white thinking there. It was very good for my confidence as a boy although I kept forgetting it
Old friends are tricky. It's hard to not automatically fall into old patterns. If you want to start something new then I suggest letting yourself temporarily take a step back from whatever strongly defined identity you had then or have now and see where you end up.
If she liked you back then that charge may flare up again, just don't kill it
"One day, we shall die. All the other days, we shall live."
What you should do is something subtle yet tactful, poignant yet graceful and endearing. I recommend writing a haiku about you wang (I can help you. I'm a master in that department) or sending her a relationship request on Facebook.
I want to make sweet, passionate love to you right now. This has to be the single, most hilarious comment you've ever posted using a mere sentence. Kuddos, haha.
Or invite her to join this forum, so she can read your opinions (or rants) and you can read hers.
Thanks all. Think I'm gonna go for the soft approach and feel her out over drinks and "catching up."
Oh, life mainly... people we both know, former and current relationships, that sort of thing. Oh, right, and I used to have a habit of getting drunk and nekkid... which is another complicating factor, I suppose. For example, one night she came home to (I'm told) find me naked from the waste down, spread eagle in her doorway, which wasn't awkward for me, on account of being passed out.
Thanks, but... well, that assistance won't be required.
Would be you get your most poetical about your pecker.
"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them."
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."
-- Thomas Jefferson: American Founding Father, clairvoyant and seditious traitor.
Damn it, now I have to spend time mourning Firefly.
Fuck you, Kane.
No better way to mourn it than spend the 13 or so hours it takes to re-watch it...
"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them."
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."
-- Thomas Jefferson: American Founding Father, clairvoyant and seditious traitor.
Can someone fill me in and tell me where the picture is from? I'm assuming it's some kind of cultural icon.
Well, best of luck with her. Tell us how it goes and provide us with grainy pictures. haha
Just don't let your emotions get in the way, stick with your clear headed decisions... your emotions often delusion you as to the real state of a situation especailly when it comes to trying to pick up on whether she's being receptive to the bread crumbs you're laying down. That's my biggest advice don't let your emotions control you or the goal of "getting her" get in the way of what you want to say. Be normal, natural, and try to think clearly... treat her like you would a friend you wouldn't mind banging but if it doesn't happen oh well, keep your emotions clear (already pre-brace yourself for the no/yes possibilities). Good luck jedi.
On the bright side she's already seen your penis while you were unconscious, that's practically halfway to a relationship
"One day, we shall die. All the other days, we shall live."
Pervert.
Nope, it's from the best piece of art of the 21st century. "Firefly." Feel free to Google it... clearly your academic success and education to this point haven't exposed you to the finer things in life.
Yeah, I don't like to kiss and tell... never mind... other stuff and tell. So you should be able to figure your odds of getting pictures.
Thank you!! That's exactly how I think things ought to work... but apparently, isn't quite the case in the real world.On the bright side she's already seen your penis while you were unconscious, that's practically halfway to a relationship
I said "feel out," not feel up. That only happens if the "feeling out" goes as I'd like it to... or if catching up over drinks turns into a drunken grope fest, which is another outcome I'd not be averse to.Pervert.
"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them."
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."
-- Thomas Jefferson: American Founding Father, clairvoyant and seditious traitor.
Pretend she's your sister! Or your sister's best friend.
"One day, we shall die. All the other days, we shall live."
Goldschlagger. Worked for me!
Kane, you should never, ever, kiss them on the mouth.Yeah, I don't like to kiss and tell... never mind... other stuff and tell. So you should be able to figure your odds of getting pictures.
Sound a little um... West Virginia... for my taste. Didn't know you Swedes rolled like that.
I just said kiss, I didn't say anything about where - that's all you.
"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them."
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."
-- Thomas Jefferson: American Founding Father, clairvoyant and seditious traitor.
It would depend on the personality of the person you're refering to right? I mean while one woman might find an act very romantic another woman would piss herself laughing at you for even trying.
I suggest alcohol...
Such is Life...
I am learning great life lessons here guys. Practically half the replies unilaterally suggest stripping her of her cognitive capabilities by impairing them.
In your case that might be seen as a leveling of the playing field, no?
I can't tell whether that's an insult my looks, maturity, and intelligence or implying something else, lol. Care to elaborate?
And that's based on a well founded assumption that she'll probably want to decrease the level of cognitive... noise... and lower her inhibitions, and will thus voluntarily partake in the drinking, knowing full well what the consequences of ingesting boozeohol are.
When something's been widely practiced for thousands of years, there's usually reason. In this case, alcohol and sekzing go hand in hand because both parties benefit from lowered inhibitions and a lack of rational thought.
How else would you explain wanting to get jabbed in the crotch repeatedly by a long, hard object, (for them) or choosing to run the risk of being shackled to an irrational, hysterical, emotional nut-case for the foreseeable future (for us)? Well, you can't. That's why not thinking about it... or ingesting a substance that prevents you from being able to think about it is the best way to kick off the relationship dance, which no sane person would voluntarily partake in.
Huh. And before you posted that, I'd only thought about it as an insult to your intellect. You sure you really want to keep exploring this?
"I predict future happiness for Americans if they can prevent the government from wasting the labors of the people under the pretense of taking care of them."
"The tree of liberty must be refreshed from time to time with the blood of patriots and tyrants."
-- Thomas Jefferson: American Founding Father, clairvoyant and seditious traitor.
I don't know what's more shocking, the fact CC actually asked for some advice on the opposite sex or the fact he's actually quite calm and even gave GeeGee a compliment.
Mind, fuck.
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