Intervention

[GGT]

See poll.

I once tried to intervene in a public parking lot, where a woman was dragging her toddler by the arm (practically yanking it out of its socket) and smacking her ear, hard. She was yelling, the kid was crying. I tried to approach her softly, asking if I could help.....

Didn't work. She laid into me verbally about minding my own business, how her kid was a brat, and I must be one of those do-gooder goody two-shoes with perfect kids who didn't have a clue, so shut the fuck up, etc.



At least she stopped boxing the little girl's ear, long enough to yell at me. It was a sad situation, and left me feeling very helpless. This was years ago, and my own little boy was with me (he doesn't remember the incident). I thought about following her into the store, or alerting the personnel somehow. But that didn't pan out. Mostly because I was afraid she'd either hit me, or escalate later and hit her child even more. Or harder.

There were other people in the parking lot that witnessed the event, but everyone shied away or looked away. MYOB. Don't get involved.

I still think of that little girl, and hope she's okay. I wish I'd known what to do at the time, and could have done something more. That kind of thing was never "in my face" so blatantly before; it left me shocked and flustered, a bit scared.

If that happened today, I like to think I'd be more pro-active and follow through better. Not be so intimidated by the bitch. Walk right in the store and ask to see the manager and/or security. File a report. Follow her to her car and write down her plate number if she drove away.....and hope and pray our social services would intervene.

[xaero1]

Unfortunately far too many people don't have the balls to get involved when they see something not socially acceptable happening.

I've intervened a number of times in arguments I've seen. Most have involved people getting drunk and because of my size I've been able to step in and calm things down. However I've never come across a parent mis-treating their kids. I can imagine a parent is the worst kind of person to talk to because they instantly go on the defensive about their parenting skills etc.

Overall, it's good that you did what you did. If only so that the woman goes home and later when she calms down she might realise that smacking your kid around the head is unacceptable.

[Khendraja'aro]

In Germany, beating your child is illegal and you can go to jail for it.

And I would call the police.

Let them justify themselves to a police officer.

[Flixy]

I have sometimes intervened, but not always. I'll be honest, I feel like doing the right thing, but the prospect of aggression isn't something I look forward to. I think it's pretty hard, especially with what you saw - there's not much you can do beyond saying something. Still, it is a good thing you did this.

Funny you post this today, on my way to work, while I was in a hurry I witnessed a car hitting a parked car. I walked up to see if the driver was harmed or something, but that was not the case so I moved on. Then the car just drove off, didn't see her leave a note or anything. So I wrote down the license plate and on my way home I think I'll see if I can find the parked car, and ring a doorbell or leave a note on the window.

I've (luckily) also had people intervene on my behalf. Once I was being harassed by a group of annoying youth looking for trouble, and a huge guy told them to fuck off and leave me alone, which helped And when I was hit by a car, the driver stopped, checked on me, and then first parked her car to the side of the road so the road wasn't blocked. Several people around who witnessed it and had come up also noted her license plate, in case she drove off (which she didn't, but it's nice that people helped in case she would). And once I was bringing a girl to her house and she got (very) sick, and some random people invited us in, gave her some water and called a taxi and gave me a bucket so the taxi would actually take us. Very nice of them

[Dreadnaught]

I can't say I've seen enough things that have totally warranted any involvement. A while ago some guy was really harassing his girlfriend in a subway station. I said really loudly that I was going to get a cop and started to walk away and he ran.

Though when I was little my mom had to hire someone to take care of me during the day because she had to go back to work within three weeks after I was born. This person stayed with us for a few years, because even though she was crazy she was affordable.

At some point when I was new to walking, this person was being abusive and pushed me down in a supermarket repeatedly because I was "walking too slow". Someone else intervened and told her to quit it. The person taking care of me ludicrously said that she had permission to hit and push me down for discipline and (also ludicrously) gave this person my family's address and phone number to verify this with my parents.

Of course not only does this person call my mom, but she's also a well-known neighborhood child psychologist. My mom was horrified and fired the nanny.

[GGT]

I can't say I've seen enough things that have totally warranted any involvement. A while ago some guy was really harassing his girlfriend in a subway station. I said really loudly that I was going to get a cop and started to walk away and he ran.

Though when I was little my mom had to hire someone to take care of me during the day because she had to go back to work within three weeks after I was born. This person stayed with us for a few years, because even though she was crazy she was affordable.

At some point when I was new to walking, this person was being abusive and pushed me down in a supermarket repeatedly because I was "walking too slow". Someone else intervened and told her to quit it. The person taking care of me ludicrously said that she had permission to hit and push me down for discipline and (also ludicrously) gave this person my family's address and phone number to verify this with my parents.

Of course not only does this person call my mom, but she's also a well-known neighborhood child psychologist. My mom was horrified and fired the nanny.

Does it make you wonder what may have happened if that kind of abuse had been hidden, and gone on for years before your mom found out?


My kid was watching one of those network shows that set up cameras and actors, to see how long it'd take for people to intervene for threatening verbal abuse as well as intervening for a fallen lady (while EMTs nearby said they were on break and couldn't help). Kind of sad how many people just walked by, but they spun it into "isn't it great when people DO intervene?"

[Aimless]

Only in the defense of children and innocents, and never to put myself at significant risk. I have an obligation towards my loved ones to not get my head stomped on. Once I told a couple of assholes to stop smoking inside a subway car, a couple of times I've interrupted fighting couples, and a few times I've stepped between excessively angry parents and their little kids. I occasionally distract troublesome drunks on the subway, usually get nice conversations out of that so it's not exactly a sacrifice on my part.

[Timbuk2]

Once I told a couple of assholes to stop smoking inside a subway car

Heh. Try that in London and you will get a smack in the face.

~

The following type of thing happens too often for the risk of intefering in anti-social behaviour to be worth it:

Police are hunting a group of youths who threw bleach on a woman in front of her family after she asked them to be quiet during a screening of the new Harry Potter film.

The 46-year-old woman was watching the movie with her husband and two children at a cinema when she asked the group of five or six teenagers, including at least one girl, to stop making a noise.

After the film, two of the group followed the family into a nearby restaurant and threw bleach over the woman's head and back, leaving her needing hospital treatment for burns to her skin and possible permanent damage to her eyes.

[Aimless]

That's exacly the sort of thing I don't want happening to my mum, not over Harry Potter.

[termite]

See poll.

I once tried to intervene in a public parking lot, where a woman was dragging her toddler by the arm (practically yanking it out of its socket) and smacking her ear, hard. She was yelling, the kid was crying. I tried to approach her softly, asking if I could help.....

Didn't work. She laid into me verbally about minding my own business, how her kid was a brat, and I must be one of those do-gooder goody two-shoes with perfect kids who didn't have a clue, so shut the fuck up, etc.

Ironically GGT if you had grabbed that woman by the arm, smacked her about the ear and called the police while restraining her (to prevent further attacks on the child) YOU would most likely have been charged with assaulting the mother while her actions would be in that "grey area" where a parent is legally entitled to "hit" their child.

Some folks should not only not be parents, they should not be allowed within speaking distance of a child - including those charged with serving and protecting us.

[Ominous Gamer]

Do it all the time. At work we're allowed the freedom to not put up with anyone's shit. Doesn't matter if its towards us or another patron, face to face, online, or even over the phone. We also intervene if we notice someone falling for an online scam, which happens far more than anything else we have to address.

Brandy does it as well. Babysitting right now is high demand, and we don't put up with shitty parents and awful kids. We see a problem and we address it, if its not fixed that child(s) isn't welcome back. Parents love us for it.

[NGS]

My first exposure I can remember to situations like what you're talking about was nearly a month ago. Around 2am my brothers and I were leaving my sister's apt when across the street we saw a large man hitting and shoving a woman. Her friends were trying to back her up and her dog was jumping on him, and he very quickly got into his car and left. We called the cops and before we could say anything to the woman she'd gone back inside her apt. The cops showed up, but we can't be sure what good they did.

My brothers have said that the saddest thing they've ever seen was when they were driving home from high school one day. They saw a a white girl--she must've been about 10--get off a school bus, and 5 black girls her age just started beating the crap out of her. The girls' parents were trying to intervene, but my brothers kept driving so they don't know how it ended.

This makes me think of that show "What Would You Do?" on ABC. Basically they set up fake situations like what we've seen and talked about and see if anyone intervenes.

[Adamant]

New Years Eve actually, about 15 mins before midnight me and a mate were pretty trashed and walking through the edge of the crowd surrounding the stage, when suddenly some bloke barrels right into my mate. I turn around and there was another bloke with blood streaming from his lower face, messy as, the fight was starting to grow so we pretty much started grabbing them and throwing them off eachother, we got blood on our new shirts and some chick bruised the shit out of my pec with her nails but we broke it up. Why fight on NYE, that's just idiocy.

[Dreadnaught]

They had already begun to doubt her for other reasons. She was always a bit weird with calling me "her" baby and being a bit too possessive.

She insisted that she never let me watch TV, but some of my first words were mimicking TV commercials. One of my earliest memories is of the insides of subway cars and walking around with her in what must have been the Bronx. This was the 1980s and I vividly remember the graffiti (the MTA was just beginning to repaint the subway cars from white to red) and her making me eat canned corn (which I hated) in an unfamiliar house several times.

I mentioned this to my parents a few years ago and they didn't believe me at first, but then realized that she must have gone and taken me to her home without telling them.

Her role was always meant to be temporary, and on some level it must have happened for at least a year or so. I guess I've never really wondered about that. I assume it would have never gotten too crazy because she wasn't actually my parent, so in the evenings and the weekends I wasn't with her. Plus I would go to school in another year or two.

[GGT]

Still....she wasn't the best care provider, and you have some bad memories. (I agree that canned corn, especially creamed corn is gross.) Your mom really had no way of knowing, nanny cams weren't common back then. Temporary roles don't mean squat! Those baby and toddler years are more important than anyone suspected years ago, ya know.