Passive-Aggressive

[GGT]

What does that mean to you? This is what wiki says:

Passive–aggressive behavior, a personality trait, is passive, sometimes obstructionist resistance to following through with expectations in interpersonal or occupational situations. It is a personality trait marked by a pervasive pattern of negative attitudes and passive, usually disavowed resistance in interpersonal or occupational situations.
It can manifest itself as learned helplessness, procrastination, stubbornness, resentment, sullenness, or deliberate/repeated failure to accomplish requested tasks for which one is (often explicitly) responsible.[1]

Signs and symptoms

The book Living with the Passive–Aggressive Man lists 11 responses that may help identify passive–aggressive behavior:[1]
Ambiguity or speaking cryptically: a means of engendering a feeling of insecurity in others
Chronically being late and forgetting things: another way to exert control or to punish.
Fear of competition
Fear of dependency
Fear of intimacy as a means to act out anger: The passive–aggressive often cannot trust. Because of this, they guard themselves against becoming intimately attached to someone.
Making chaotic situations
Making excuses for non-performance in work teams
Obstructionism
Procrastination
Sulking
Victimization response: instead of recognizing one's own weaknesses, tendency to blame others for own failures.
A passive–aggressive person may not display all of these behaviors, and may have other[clarification needed] non-passive–aggressive traits.

Diagnostic criteria (DSM-IV Appendix B) and personality disorder

Personality
disorders
Cluster A (odd)
Paranoid · Schizoid
Schizotypal
Cluster B (dramatic)
Antisocial · Borderline
Histrionic · Narcissistic
Cluster C (anxious)
Avoidant · Dependent
Obsessive-compulsive
Not specified
Depressive
Passive–aggressive
Sadistic · Self-defeating
v · d · e
Passive–aggressive personality disorder was listed as an Axis II personality disorder in the DSM-III-R, but was moved in the DSM-IV to Appendix B ("Criteria Sets and Axes Provided for Further Study") because of controversy and the need for further research on how to also categorize the behaviors in a future edition. As an alternative, the diagnosis personality disorder not otherwise specified may be used instead.
The DSM-IV Appendix B definition is as follows:[2]
A pervasive pattern of negativistic attitudes and passive resistance to demands for adequate performance, beginning by early adulthood and present in a variety of contexts, as indicted by four (or more) of the following:
passively resists fulfilling routine social and occupational tasks
complains of being misunderstood and unappreciated by others
is sullen and argumentative
unreasonably criticizes and scorns authority
expresses envy and resentment toward those apparently more fortunate
voices exaggerated and persistent complaints of personal misfortune
alternates between hostile defiance and contrition
Does not occur exclusively during major depressive episodes and is not better accounted for by dysthymic disorder.
[edit]Diagnostic criteria (ICD-10)

The World Health Organization's ICD-10 lists passive–aggressive personality disorder under (F60.8) Other specific personality disorders.
It is a requirement of ICD-10 that a diagnosis of any specific personality disorder also satisfies a set of general personality disorder criteria.
[edit]Millon's subtypes

Theodore Millon identified four subtypes of negativist (passive–aggressive).[3][4] Any individual negativist may exhibit none or one of the following:
circuitous negativist – including dependent features
abrasive negativist – including sadistic features
discontented negativist – including depressive features
vacillating negativist – including borderline features

http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Passive_agressive

[oldmunchkin]

I think the Wiki definition is pretty good. Unfortunately, it doesn't tell WHY someone becomes passive-aggressive! Could it be because they feel like they are being attacked? Whether or not the attack is real? Or whether that person might just not be "in the mood" for whatever is being thrown at them?

[GGT]

I don't know, to be honest. I was probably raised by at least one (if not two) passive-aggressive people. Some of that may have been related to their age and how they were raised (fairly repressive).

Anger wasn't something welcomed in our household. I gathered from a young age that certain channels were acceptable, like sports or competitions, or any venue where loud sounds were acceptable, including banging on pianos or singing really loud.

After a failed marriage with a man who controlled the whole family with what he would NOT do, the definition of passive-aggressive took on a whole new meaning.

[GGT]

Causes

This section needs additional citations for verification.
Please help improve this article by adding reliable references. Unsourced material may be challenged and removed. (June 2010)
Passive–aggressive disorder may stem from a specific childhood stimulus[5] (e.g., alcohol/drug addicted parents) in an environment where it was not safe to express frustration or anger. Families in which the honest expression of feelings is forbidden tend to teach children to repress and deny their feelings and to use other channels to express their frustration.
Children who sugarcoat their hostility may fail to ever grow beyond such behavior. Never developing better coping strategies or skills for self-expression, they can become adults who, beneath a seductive veneer, harbor vindictive intent.[6] Martin Kantor suggests three areas that contribute to passive–aggressive anger in individuals: conflicts about dependency, control, and competition.[7]
[edit]

[oldmunchkin]

And that still doesn't address my questions. So I now know what causes someone to be passive-aggressive, from childhood on. That doesn't answer the question of, if feeling cornered or harassed or attacked can lead to passive-aggressive behavior in a person who is otherwise not PA?

[oldmunchkin]

I was raised it is healthy to express your emotions and opinions at the time you are feeling them. But, Dad was very quiet, probably from being raised in a large family with an alcoholic Father who beat on the boys when he felt like it. Dad learned not to be loud, but to still be heard and to show his emotions. Mom was raised in a large family with very conservative parents. But they believed each child had the right to their own emotions and opinions, but they must be expressed at the "right" time, IE if she was mad at her sister, but they had company or were out in public, she had to wait until they were home, or at least in a private place, to do so.

I have no problem with showing/sharing my emotions, ranging from being mentally exhausted by something to being flat out angry. It's very possible I become passive-aggressive when mentally exhausted. I seem to notice that myself, but usually only after I have tried to make whatever (or whoever) is exhausting me stop.

Does this happen to other people? How do other people deal with their emotions? It's an interesting subject.

[GGT]

....Does this happen to other people? How do other people deal with their emotions? It's an interesting subject.

Well, I thought it was interesting enough to start the damn thread.

Of course it happens to other people, and some of them become Score Keepers, repressing their thoughts and feelings until "just the right time'. Even if that timing makes everyone else think WTF?

[oldmunchkin]

I guess what I was asking way, do others find themselves becoming (more) passive-aggressive if they feel cornered? Or if they feel mentally exhausted? Or do still others never become passive-aggressive, regardless of what is going on around them?

[GGT]

I guess what I was asking way, do others find themselves becoming (more) passive-aggressive if they feel cornered? Or if they feel mentally exhausted? Or do still others never become passive-aggressive, regardless of what is going on around them?

I don't know. But it seems to be a learned behavior, or a behavior learned while relatively young. I suppose you could take a 20-something who once had relatively effective coping mechanisms, and turn them into a passive-aggressive person, but it would take either time or one really horrible experience.

[oldmunchkin]

I don't know. But it seems to be a learned behavior, or a behavior learned while relatively young. I suppose you could take a 20-something who once had relatively effective coping mechanisms, and turn them into a passive-aggressive person, but it would take either time or one really horrible experience.

Possibly, or maybe it could be the result of an ongoing, continuous experience. Not big things, just always being made to feel "wrong" or "stupid" or whatever. I really think that might cause someone who otherwise is not passive-aggressive, to become that way with a certain person or in certain circumstances.

[GGT]

I don't know. It makes sense that people could become defensive over time, depending on their circumstances. But I have no idea if that creates a passive-aggressive personality.

[oldmunchkin]

Me either. That's why I asked!

[GGT]

Reading the criteria, which is also subjectively based, people could wiggle in or out of being passive-aggressive.

The older definition used to be.....people who control things by what they refuse to do. Controlling situations by their inaction, instead of their actions. Even when they knew their actions were necessary for success of others, or the group dynamic. I suppose the best example would be the absent spouse or parent, claiming their money-making ability would benefit the family more than anything. Even their own presence. And their absence was something to be admired, even if it was killing the family.

[oldmunchkin]

Then I guess it's entirely possible for some people, a 1 time thing might possibly lead to being passive-aggressive.

I guess it's kind of like a group of dogs...even the most loving, sweet dog will turn aggressive if it feels threatened or cornered.

[GGT]

I'd like to think humans are a few levels above dogs, or The Call of the Wild.

[termite]

Some people display what could be categorised as passive-aggressive behaviour at home but do not do so while at work... I have seen this with a few people I've known. I have also seen the opposite from a guy that was married to a nasty woman that had him by the balls (they worked together in a business his wife owned and she held it over him). This guy had the worst case of impotent anger you would ever see and he saw passive-aggressive behaviour as his only way to fight back - of course it ended in misery with them selling the business and getting divorced.

So if people behave differently in different environments (e.g. work & home) Does that mean it is not a true "trait" but simply poor behaviour which is an option in an environment where a)You think it will "achieve" something (such as impotent revenge) b)you think you can get away with it.

You never really know someone until you have lived with them, even that is merely scratching the surface.

[GGT]

Some people display what could be categorised as passive-aggressive behaviour at home but do not do so while at work... I have seen this with a few people I've known. I have also seen the opposite from a guy that was married to a nasty woman that had him by the balls (they worked together in a business his wife owned and she held it over him). This guy had the worst case of impotent anger you would ever see and he saw passive-aggressive behaviour as his only way to fight back - of course it ended in misery with them selling the business and getting divorced.

So if people behave differently in different environments (e.g. work & home) Does that mean it is not a true "trait" but simply poor behaviour which is an option in an environment where a)You think it will "achieve" something (such as impotent revenge) b)you think you can get away with it.

You never really know someone until you have lived with them, even that is merely scratching the surface.

Interesting to contemplate, termite. Both my ex and I exhibited traits that worked at work, but didn't work at home. Even more perplexing is that he spent more time at work with his colleagues than we did together. Those were the people that asked me if I truly knew what I was getting into......

[Draco]

^^Poor guy. Reminds me of my friend, but his partner controls him indirectly and he's a completely different person around other people. But you're right, until you live with someone, you don't know them 100%.
Btw, where does your signature come from? I saw it on a truck the other day..

[termite]

Btw, where does your signature come from? I saw it on a truck the other day..

These are the last words uttered in 1880 at Old Melbourne Gaol by Edward "Ned" Kelly before being hung for the killing of 3 police officers.

The French way sounds a little fancier "c'est la vie!"

The pop-culture equivalent would probably be Shit Happens!

[Draco]

^^Sounds like it!

These are the last words uttered in 1880 at Old Melbourne Gaol by Edward "Ned" Kelly before being hung for the killing of 3 police officers.

The French way sounds a little fancier "c'est la vie!"

The pop-culture equivalent would probably be Shit Happens!

That's pretty cool

[GGT]

What would a passive-aggressive's bumper sticker say? I make bad shit happen, but it's really not my fault?