What's messing with your Groove?

[CitizenCain]

I didn't mean for my whining to cause a problem

It's okay, GGT. I didn't take offense to Nessus's post. I figured she was stating a simple biological fact. Either that or I've lost favor with her and she really does wish an early death upon me. I'm pretty sure it's the former, but I won't be hurt either way.

The truth of it is I am mediocre; easily expendable. At one time in my life I thought I was something special. Fresh out of high school and entering college, I thought maybe I'd find my gift. Maybe I'd one day be a marine biologist or marine paleontologist. When that didn't pan out, I turned to chemistry. In the end, I went to a mediocre college, got a mediocre degree. What I thought of myself as a pretty smart person in high school was quickly revealed to be slightly above average in college. I've had a couple of cool jobs in my eyes, but in the grand scheme of things they too are probably mediocre. I am a mediocre mom and wife. When I am gone, I will not be remembered for any life-changing reasons. They will say, " Oh, Cat? She seemed nice. Pretty dependable....and...well....she seemed nice." It is hard to recognize oneself as mediocre, but truly that is all I am.

The one extraordinary thing I have had in my life is a very supportive family, and the love of a man much smarter, more patient and gentle, than I could ever be. How I got that is still beyond me. When we are long gone that will not be anything for others to remember; but at least for now my little pathetic heart can hold on to that, just a little longer...

Could be worse, you could be extraordinary and be cursed with having people you hate pervert your inventions and revelations into something that makes you wish you'd never bothered in the first place. Probably a large part of the reason I do what I do, and not something else, if that makes you feel any better. Fuck the rest of the thieving, parasitic world.

Sure, it might be nice to be remembered, but how much does that really matter? How many people are really thankful to Einstein, or Galileo, or Darwin?

And so what if they all are, right? Not gonna make the greats any less dead, or enrich their existences. As much as it's a perfectly natural instinct that most people have, what's it worth to be admired or liked or to have a bunch of people be "grateful" to you? That and a buck will buy you a Coke, provided you can get it cheap and avoid paying sales tax.

[Illusions]

Could be worse, you could be extraordinary and be cursed with having people you hate pervert your inventions and revelations into something that makes you wish you'd never bothered in the first place. Probably a large part of the reason I do what I do, and not something else, if that makes you feel any better. Fuck the rest of the thieving, parasitic world.

Now only if Ayn Rand and Linkin Park could get together and express this angst in a suitable, musical format...

[GGT]

I didn't mean for my whining to cause a problem

It's okay, GGT. I didn't take offense to Nessus's post. I figured she was stating a simple biological fact. Either that or I've lost favor with her and she really does wish an early death upon me. I'm pretty sure it's the former, but I won't be hurt either way.

The truth of it is I am mediocre; easily expendable. At one time in my life I thought I was something special. Fresh out of high school and entering college, I thought maybe I'd find my gift. Maybe I'd one day be a marine biologist or marine paleontologist. When that didn't pan out, I turned to chemistry. In the end, I went to a mediocre college, got a mediocre degree. What I thought of myself as a pretty smart person in high school was quickly revealed to be slightly above average in college. I've had a couple of cool jobs in my eyes, but in the grand scheme of things they too are probably mediocre. I am a mediocre mom and wife. When I am gone, I will not be remembered for any life-changing reasons. They will say, " Oh, Cat? She seemed nice. Pretty dependable....and...well....she seemed nice." It is hard to recognize oneself as mediocre, but truly that is all I am.

The one extraordinary thing I have had in my life is a very supportive family, and the love of a man much smarter, more patient and gentle, than I could ever be. How I got that is still beyond me. When we are long gone that will not be anything for others to remember; but at least for now my little pathetic heart can hold on to that, just a little longer...

You weren't whining, and it didn't cause a problem. I recognize your attitude because I've been there....as a new young mother and stay-home mom, hitting 30 and remembering or comparing every aspiration that came before....and how difficult it can be. Some days it's a triumph to take a damn shower (and shave) or sleep through the night. There's the nagging feeling of I'm doing something wrong, or not very well, this should be easier, but this is difficult, harder than I thought.

When you reach out for a sympatico or support from other people, there's always the super-mom types who set the bar too high. *They make their own baby foods--from fresh veggies they harvest from their organic garden, bake their own bread (without a bread-machine, using only organic whole grains), while they Chair the local PTO, volunteer as Team Mom for T-ball or soccer, run a 5K every morning, and manage to have perfectly plucked eyebrows and manicured nails, too. Their cars don't have dog slobber or kids handprints on the windows, their weed-free lawns aren't littered with balls or bikes, and they probably change toothbrushes every 6 weeks (as recommended by their dentist).

Do yourself a favor, and stop visiting Mommy web sites where these aliens live. Those aren't true portrayals of motherhood (or even fatherhood). Life with Baby is probably THE MOST DIFFICULT job in the world, because there's no way to anticipate what gets thrown your way. Whether it's a difficult pregnancy or delivery, a special needs child, a "difficult" child....or everything seemingly "perfect" until.....well, until things aren't so perfect after all.

Sometimes, it's the average mediocrity, even drudgery of it all, that becomes so challenging. Weren't we supposed to "feel" an epiphany, or something? Kinda like when we developed breasts, got our first bra, sprouted pubic hair, started our periods, fiddled with tampons, began shaving, realized we were "sexual", or had sex for the first time? Didn't everyone and everything around us build these things into monumental, life-changing events, where we'd suddenly feel mature and Adult?

Well, dig a little deeper and you'll find the dirty little secret that most parents today won't admit: there's a modern bewilderment in parenting, a guilt that it doesn't "feel natural" to us, because we DO need others to help, instead of going it alone. So many conflicts and challenges our mothers/grandmothers never knew (for so many reasons)....while we retain the same expectations of previous generations.

Talk about impossible expectations that leave you feeling mediocre, expendable, easily forgettable, unimportant. The only positive traits you feel are admired are being nice, and dependable. Yet you see that as being mediocre or average. Well, those are damn straight valuable characteristics that millions of people do NOT have. In other words, don't sell yourself short, just because you're in a period of time where the results of your character, and efforts, won't be seen for another 20 years or so.

How awful it is when our deeds hold purpose...

As you say, I was simply pointing out the biological reality, because I find it funny how distanced, removed it is from our hopes and dreams. Our perception of reality...

What you say of your life I cannot dispute as I'm a mere bystander, but I can tell you this much; I will remember you. Not as some mediocrity, some hum-drum waste of flesh. I remember you sharing the birth of your child. I remember the mixture of timidity and certainty your attitude carries. You. The happiness you obtain from your mate.

It is not at all wasted, and it can be appreciated. It just has to end. All of us must end. So nearly did I, at a time... How wonderful it feels, then, to exist!

It would have been better if you'd just apologized for being harsh, inconsiderate, and judgmental in replying to Cat. Too late now to backtrack and make it sound like you were simply commenting on the cosmos, or whatever. Cat won't say so, because she's a truly NICE person. I can say so, because I'm a bitch.

[Nessus]

But that's the nicest thing. I will never have to ask anyone, again...

[GGT]

But that's the nicest thing. I will never have to ask anyone, again...

Ask anyone what? What it means to be polite, considerate, compassionate? What your rating is on the EQ scale? You may never have to ask anyone for anything, but that doesn't mean you can ignore others when they're plainly "asking" for the most basic and simplest forms of acceptance or approval.

[Aimless]

Eh, accepting mediocrity doesn't necessarily entail being a total douche towards yourself, making yourself feel small and without value in so many ways. Coming to terms with mediocrity may be important, but not if it's done in such a way as to be at the expense of other important things such as general happiness and a sense of self-worth. Not to mention truthfulness. So please stop belittling yourself like that. I'm in Nessie's [second] camp on this one and so should you be

[Nessus]

Ask anyone what? What it means to be polite, considerate, compassionate? What your rating is on the EQ scale? You may never have to ask anyone for anything, but that doesn't mean you can ignore others when they're plainly "asking" for the most basic and simplest forms of acceptance or approval.

For years, you lauded me to high Heaven, and now I must be consigned into the lowest Hell instead? I suppose it's an improvement...

It was out of compassion that I spoke, the understanding we all must at some point share, about the frailty of this existence, the physical limitations of our being... The emotionless, blind, uncaring indifference of the world that spawned us, it is part of the beauty of being. That we can exist, and emote, even for a brief while. Knowing our place, and embracing it for what it is, what it can give us...

I do not know why you chose to interpret my meaning this way, your frustrations are your own. But we do not need to read malice where there is none... And it is not very interesting, as no faulty analysis ever is...

[Khendraja'aro]

Bought two new books for my lessons in Physics - and now I've got about 10 books for 300€ total on my wishlist.

Darn.

[CitizenCain]

Now only if Ayn Rand and Linkin Park could get together and express this angst in a suitable, musical format...

I could recommend some good punk bands along those lines, if you're serious.

[GGT]

For years, you lauded me to high Heaven, and now I must be consigned into the lowest Hell instead? I suppose it's an improvement...

It was out of compassion that I spoke, the understanding we all must at some point share, about the frailty of this existence, the physical limitations of our being... The emotionless, blind, uncaring indifference of the world that spawned us, it is part of the beauty of being. That we can exist, and emote, even for a brief while. Knowing our place, and embracing it for what it is, what it can give us...

I do not know why you chose to interpret my meaning this way, your frustrations are your own. But we do not need to read malice where there is none... And it is not very interesting, as no faulty analysis ever is...

Sure.

Your "compassion" wasn't based on what Cat needed, even though you know the troubles she's had since becoming a mother. It sounded like you'd forgotten all the other people who'd helped you reach your new level of optimism and hope, and just how long it took. As if you'd done it by the strength of your own bootstraps, no matter what negative or critical words were said during your weak or needy moments, and so could everyone else.

[Nessus]

Sure.

Your "compassion" wasn't based on what Cat needed, even though you know the troubles she's had since becoming a mother. It sounded like you'd forgotten all the other people who'd helped you reach your new level of optimism and hope, and just how long it took. As if you'd done it by the strength of your own bootstraps, no matter what negative or critical words were said during your weak or needy moments, and so could everyone else.

They're troubles that're forever denied me, perhaps for good reason...

We can't ever know what anyone else needs. Some laughter, even if sinister, can help. And it can also help to remember that these are the pains, in general terms, everyone must face. I haven't forgotten what was given to me, but I have found that the best things are given when we are sincere. So why not be?

Further, it seems implausible to me you could actually have found that in the brief note I wrote, but you always did enjoy building up elaborate fantasies...

[GGT]

Right, surely it's my faulty interpretation and discourse skills. You've made that abundantly clear.

However, I maintain that it's not an elaborate "fantasy" to recognize post-partum depression, or the challenges new mothers face when they feel frustrated/disappointed....or expendable. It doesn't do much good for Minx to say "stop doing that", any more than you saying "feel free to die".

[Nessus]

Right, surely it's my faulty interpretation and discourse skills. You've made that abundantly clear.

However, I maintain that it's not an elaborate "fantasy" to recognize post-partum depression, or the challenges new mothers face when they feel frustrated/disappointed....or expendable. It doesn't do much good for Minx to say "stop doing that", any more than you saying "feel free to die".

I never said that, however, but it is telling how you perceive the story...

[GGT]

The "story" wasn't from your forum posts, but your chat history. Check your archives. I'm done.

[Nessus]

I was, of course, referring to the direct quote you attributed to me...

[Aimless]

It doesn't do much good for Minx to say "stop doing that", any more than you saying "feel free to die".

You are of course right about this. I can't diagnose or treat depression--post-partum or otherwise--in a stranger on a forum. But we do know when to get worried.

Cat, some of what you're feeling and going through is normal. It's possible however that much of it isn't normal or a necessary consequence of simply coming to terms with being a regular person. Search your feelings--you know it to be true. If you do need help with these feelings and thoughts--and you might! Even if it may seem appropriate to let yourself feel and think the way you seem to from your previous post--there's help to be had and you should seek it.

Believe it or not, you're a smart and rational person and those qualities may work against you in that they can make it so easy for you to rationalise/justify these feelings of being thoroughly unspecial/mediocre/disenchanted. Question your analysis and judgement. We speak out of legitimate concern, not just out of foolish deluded unwarranted affection. Or because we're busybodies

[GGT]

As the "product" of an American nuclear family, where my values were instilled with the premise that being "successful" meant living on my own after high school or college graduation, and that some degree of "failure" meant the opposite....it's been a helluva time the last couple of years. I've raised by sons on the same type of premise, but we've been confronted with the realities of a new economy, and had a hard time adjusting to the new realities.

My sister (who married into an intergenerational Greek family) has adapted to their family dynamics, and adopted their value system. It's not a "failure" to live with gram or gramps, mom or dad, long after the ability to live on one's own. In fact, it's considered a "successful life" to have a multi-generational family living under the same roof, by choice. Gram isn't there because she can't find an affordable retirement village, but because they WANT her home to be the same as theirs. They'd rather hire someone to look after Gram within the family household, than pay to 'warehouse' her in a facility.

Their sons and daughters don't feel ashamed, or like total losers, if they're living at home after a certain age, professional careers or not. Quite the opposite --- they feel pride in staying with the family, even moreso by bringing a new spouse or children into the mix. It's just a completely different culture, with totally different values-expectations.

They have a unique attitude toward family responsibilities, individual roles, incomes and budgeting. No one is made to feel less or more important, as carrying or dragging the family. It's truly a group effort, with no envy or begrudging of others. It's explained as "how we survived world wars, became US immigrants with the clothes on our backs and $13 in our pockets"....and the importance of their family network.

I could give my sons names and numbers of their "family" in several cities and states, but they'd never call them. Not for a short visit, advice, a referral, or even in an emergency. Our extended family connection has been lost, after so many decades of nuclear American family life. That works great during economic booms or expansions, but it doesn't prove to work so well during contractions, recessions, or Depressions.

[earthJoker]

Good bye MC A

[earthJoker]

Michele Bachmann gives up Swiss citizenship
Though her dual Swiss-U.S. citizenship was a 'non-story,' Rep. Michele Bachmann now wants to make clear her allegiance to the United States.

WASHINGTON — One day after calling her dual Swiss-U.S. citizenship a "non-story," Minnesota Rep. Michele Bachmann asked the Swiss government Thursday to take her name off its rolls.

"I am and always have been 100% committed to our United States Constitution and the United States of America," said Bachmann, a tea party favorite and former candidate for the Republican presidential nomination.

Swiss citizenship was automatically conferred in 1978 when she married Marcus Bachmann, the son of Swiss immigrants, she said, and the recent news was merely because she and her family had updated their documents.

But, she said, she was withdrawing it to underscore her allegiance to the U.S.

"Today I sent a letter to the Swiss Consulate requesting withdrawal of my dual Swiss citizenship, which was conferred upon me by operation of Swiss law when I married my husband in 1978," Bachmann said in a statement. "I took this action because I want to make it perfectly clear: I was born in America and I am a proud American citizen."

The Swiss Embassy confirmed its Chicago consulate had received her request.

Bachmann, who has often criticized President Obama for his "socialist" policies, had seemed the most unlikely American politician to have dual citizenship with a European country ruled in part by the Social Democratic Party. Swiss TV broke the news this week.

On Wednesday, Bachmann's spokeswoman, Becky Rogness, said the Bachmann family had sought Swiss citizenship.

"Congresswoman Bachmann's husband is of Swiss descent, so she has been eligible for dual citizenship since they got married in 1978," Rogness said. "However, recently some of their children wanted to exercise their eligibility for dual citizenship so they went through the process as a family."

On Thursday, Bachmann underscored her American heritage.

"As the daughter of an Air Force veteran, stepdaughter of an Army veteran and sister of a Navy veteran, I am proud of my allegiance to the greatest nation the world has ever known," she said.

Bachmann, who is running for reelection, took heat from her Democratic rival, Jim Graves.

"Earlier this year, Rep. Michele Bachmann was Iowan, earlier this week she was Swiss and today she's an American," the Graves campaign said in a statement. "Jim Graves has always known where he's from, where he raised his family and where he built his businesses — St. Cloud, Minnesota."

http://www.latimes.com/news/nationwo...,2415630.story

We will love you anyway Michele

[earthJoker]

One year older

[Wraith]

Happy birthday!

[Timbuk2]

Happy thingies EJ.

[earthJoker]

That was yesterday guys

Tnx

[Flixy]

Late happy birthday!

and of course road workers start using heavy machinery right outside my room just as I come home from a night shift..

[GGT]

Never-Ending "chores" that can't become hobbies, or turned into new project ideas....because we're too busy with the damn chore in the first place.

Maybe later I'll ask y'all when a choice becomes a chore. I'm too tired right now to tackle the whole damn HS Yearbook thing, and why it would cost $85 for a thin volume of crappy pictures and crappier writing to be called a Yearbook....

[Aimless]

Had one of those informal consultations that no-one in healthcare wants, where someone in your life asks you about something that's probably nothing serious but where serious warning bells start to ring.

And then I find out that a game idea I've been fiddling with (of course with no hope of making it come real) is being sortakinda developed by the jerks behind KoL, it's on kickstarter and everything and they're going to do it WRONG

[Illusions]

So, a few weeks ago I had my debit card information fraudulently used to make some purchases. I went through the whole process of getting it canceled and the charges reversed. Just that this created a slight problem that I'm uncertain of how to deal with. According to the letter they sent me, they deposited more than the amount I was owed (the difference is less than $20), and the date they deposited this amount is January 1st, 1900. The extra amount is almost what the interest would be on the actual amount owed over 112 years, however its not an account with applicable interest rates. So...suggestions? I would like to correct this without causing more problems, or getting someone fired.

[Timbuk2]

Quick call to the bank should rectify. Sounds like a systemic error with a date set at default.

[Ominous Gamer]

Parking gate at work just tried to crush my car. Work's "safer" parking lot has now done more damage to my car than the cheap lot the hobos sleep in.

Luckily it hit the top of my door frame, which is plastic and didn't dent, and the yellow paint rubbed off after a good bit of Goo-B-Gone and elbow grease.

[Khendraja'aro]

So, one of my brothers is messing with my grooves quite a bit.

You may or may not recall a posting in the WTF thread where I wrote about his professor doing an quite astounding SQL fuckup, with him actually pretending to teach SQL. I've also helped my brother quite substantially in the past, with him not having much of a background in computer languages whereas I, through about two decades of fiddling around, do have some knowledge in that area. Mind, I'm not a professional but I think that I at least know what not to do.

So, as a follow-up to the WTF he again asked for my help, this time on how to actually retrieve and display data from the tables I corrected the SQL for so that they, like, were actually created instead of just throwing errors left, right and center.

I looked at the proposed code (again, one of the quality "solutions" from his professor) and told him: "Well, the first thing to do is to correct this SQL query right there."
Him: "But it's working!"
Me: "That may be so, but it's still wrong and should not be used."

He then proceeded to mock me for my non-knowledge. You all may realize that with my temper this is not the best approach. Still managed to reign it in and walked away - something he did not do, since he could not resist a snide comment later that evening and two days later over Skype (okay, I had sent him a neutrally worded correct solution). I then told him that from now on he was to search for help elsewhere.

Narf.

Someone should educate him on the difference between "working" and "correct" when it comes to computer programs. Especially when the former may yield unexpected behaviour. And then he wonders where bugs in programs come from.