The date, the place, the thing

[Aimless]

Specifically, the wedding

Looks like it'll be on Saturday the 17th of August 2013.

This was the place:

http://picasaweb.google.com/118361088191289202510

Beautiful place, great for parties of various kinds, there's a spot there that's just perfect for an outdoor wedding, and it's hella sweet to mingle and dance surrounded by sharks and other fish... but the cost was just a little too high for what we'd be getting (not to mention way beyond our original budget), and the food options were simply not very promising.

As of today, this looks like it IS the place:

http://www.skarholmensgard.se/skarholmens-gard/

Ticks off nearly every single one of the boxes on our list and is hella cosy to boot. Good reviews, friendly and helpful staff, very clear information, nice place for an outdoor wedding ceremony, excellent food, close to my mum's and accessible by boat, and within hour original budget. Only major problem atm is that the main dining room is a little too small to fit the maximum number of guests we're inviting, although it seems the adjoining dining room isn't all that cut off after all. Shame though.

Anyway, it feels kinda good to have more-or-less made a decision about this, and now we can get on with the rest of the planning I've never been married before () so any and all ideas and warnings you guys can offer will be very much appreciated

[Timbuk2]

Second place looks lovely. Simple but elegant, and in a beautiful setting. You svedes have some wonderful places by the looks of things.

[Hazir]

Seems like a huge waste of money. Use your Senses and use it for a down payment on a house.

[Timbuk2]

And forego the shared experience and memory with friends and family of a wonderful wedding with the love of his life? Not something I would want to miss.

Besides, I seem to remember our young Minxie has house plans and the finances to carry them out.

[RandBlade]

Looks absolutely gorgeous Minx, I hope the two of you have a fantastic day!

Not having ever been married before either yet () I can't give many ideas or warnings etc other that its only going to feel like tomorrow and August '13 will be here with you. Feels like only yesterday that Amanda and I had over two years to go til our big day and now its just 6 months and that's coming down very fast. One warning that we were (thankfully) lucky with is wherever possible put any deposits down on a credit card if the legal situation in Sweden is the same as here. With so long between deposits and the big day if things go wrong you're protected. We had a 50% deposit down on Amanda's dress when the company she got it from went bust, thankfully she's been able to find the same dress elsewhere and we can get the deposit back from my credit card company - had we paid debit/cash it'd be lost.

However on nice topics it looks like you've got an amazingly romantic venue and I wish you two every happiness

Seems like a huge waste of money. Use your Senses and use it for a down payment on a house.

I completely disagree. This will be a day that hopefully the two of them and their families will remember for the rest of their lives. Money can't normally buy experiences like that.

[Hazir]

And forego the shared experience and memory with friends and family of a wonderful wedding with the love of his life? Not something I would want to miss.

Besides, I seem to remember our young Minxie has house plans and the finances to carry them out.

Yeah rite, and of course their live is just drab and not worth living if they don't waste half a year's income on a party.

Like mine, with two houses and no debts to my name and having to live on a part time income in two cities. I wish I would have wasted some more on the supposedly most important day in my life. Stupid me thought the other days of my were just as valuable.

[RandBlade]

If this makes Minx happy there's no reason to feel threatened, let him have his happy day with his bride in a gorgeous venue with friends and family. You don't need to if you don't want, but no need to rain on his parade.

[Hazir]

It doesn't hurt if somebody takes it upon himself to not join in the mumbo jumbo about how wonderful it is and say that spending your money sensibly is more rewarding in the long run. We don't all believe in irresponsable spending.

[RandBlade]

This is meant to be a happy thread, its not in the Debate and Discussion forum. If you've got nothing nice to say then don't feel the need to say anything at all. And that's all I'm going to say to you on this as I don't want to spoil Minxy's happy thread with arguments with you.

[Timbuk2]

Ah man, Hazir, dear oh dear.

Don't think we'll agree on this.

Not. At. All.

[Hazir]

I never assumed we would agree. I also don't think that there is anything wrong with telling Minx there are other options than the maelstrom of 'wonderful, how cute and spend another thousand on a corsage that won't make it through the day'.

If he takes the money and buys his future wife a nice car I have no doubt that will have a more lasting positive effect on their lives than this nonsense.

[Aimless]

Yeah rite, and of course their live is just drab and not worth living if they don't waste half a year's income on a party.

I'm inclined to agree with you that spending half a year's income on a wedding party would not be a great idea for us. To be clear, almost all the expected costs of this wedding, at this place, will add up to about two months' income for me, and the costs will be split between me, my fiancée, and our parents (so not factoring in gifts of $$$). In absolute terms it's still a lot of money--esp. for someone who's grown up without much of it--but it feels very nice to be able to put that money towards sharing a special and happy day with many of the people who've been there for us in so many ways, more often than we can count, throughout our lives.

I won't lie--I do get all mushy and warm and obnoxious at the thought of marrying my beloved pink-and-white cupcake and romance and speeches etc... but I know life is def. great even without a flashy wedding, just like it is without iPads and exotic vacations and hotel-nights and fancy booze etc. Still, we make good money, our regular expenses are low in both absolute and relative terms, and this is something we're pretty happy splurging on just once

I'm gonna look like this, but more blue and not at all alike:

[Hazir]

The model is gorgeous, and I kind of like the clothes. Still I think it's a waste of money. I don't think I am far off thinking this is going to be a 200k plus affair isn't it ? (Swedish money).

[Khendraja'aro]

Yes, Hazir, we got it: It's a waste of money.

How dumb do you think we are that you keep repeating it? We read it the first time, also acknowledged it the first time and you've been told that this is not exactly the place to keep on harping on this very subject. Takes a special person to keep on butting in on this subject.

Reminds me of the parking inspector who ticketed a car which was clearly intended for a wedding just as the newly-wed couple exited the church.

@topic: Nice location, Aimless. But I think the photo doesn't do you justice!

[RandBlade]

That suit looks incredible Minx. You're going to be very dashing I'm sure.

[Loki]

The guy would look better bald and more Bengali.

[Hazir]

Yes, Hazir, we got it: It's a waste of money.

How dumb do you think we are that you keep repeating it? We read it the first time, also acknowledged it the first time and you've been told that this is not exactly the place to keep on harping on this very subject. Takes a special person to keep on butting in on this subject.

Reminds me of the parking inspector who ticketed a car which was clearly intended for a wedding just as the newly-wed couple exited the church.

@topic: Nice location, Aimless. But I think the photo doesn't do you justice!

I don't tell them not to get married do I ? And god knows especially with the divorce rate in Sweden it's a miracle anybody in that country actually is married at all.

If Aimless wants to waste his money; so be it. However in most cases the money wasted is not wasted because the couple involved is inclined that way. It's that same old truth that marriage is for the happy couple, but the wedding is for their mothers. People are being forced into overspending in a way they wouldn't consider under normal circumstances because it's 'such a special day'.

[Khendraja'aro]

Yeah, I bet you're real fun at parties, too.

[Aimless]

The model is gorgeous, and I kind of like the clothes. Still I think it's a waste of money. I don't think I am far off thinking this is going to be a 200k plus affair isn't it ? (Swedish money).

Your gross overestimation of my monthly income is flattering, but I've only recently graduated... try 60K

[Loki]

Your restaurants must charge really little for food...I'm spending half that on food, and it's not even a remotely fancy place (nor do I think I'll have nearly as many guests).

[Flixy]

Since we're talking weddings and money, it always surprised me how everything is overpriced for weddings. Bands, food, photographers, everything is suddenly ten times mores expensive when it's for a wedding.. is that because nobody haggles for their wedding, because, well, it's their wedding and they don't want to be cheap? I mean, I was recently at a fancy party in a fancy location for about as many people as a wedding reception with nice food and drinks that probably lasted longer than any wedding reception, with more upscale live entertainment, and that was 'only' about 100 p.p., and that probably factored in that quite a lot of people, including myself, paid nothing at all.

Also, awesome suit, and the location looks pretty Though it would not be my kind of place, a bit too.. don't really know how to put it in words.. traditional? tacky? Hope you know what I mean!

[Aimless]

Second place looks lovely. Simple but elegant, and in a beautiful setting. You svedes have some wonderful places by the looks of things.

Thanks! I have never been the sort to look at houses etc and drool over them, but the hunt for a venue has really opened my eyes to just how pretty Sweden can be, in simple and natural ways historically, August has been a beautiful month in Sthlm, even when rainy, so I have high hopes.

Looks absolutely gorgeous Minx, I hope the two of you have a fantastic day!

Not having ever been married before either yet () I can't give many ideas or warnings etc other that its only going to feel like tomorrow and August '13 will be here with you. Feels like only yesterday that Amanda and I had over two years to go til our big day and now its just 6 months and that's coming down very fast. One warning that we were (thankfully) lucky with is wherever possible put any deposits down on a credit card if the legal situation in Sweden is the same as here. With so long between deposits and the big day if things go wrong you're protected. We had a 50% deposit down on Amanda's dress when the company she got it from went bust, thankfully she's been able to find the same dress elsewhere and we can get the deposit back from my credit card company - had we paid debit/cash it'd be lost.

Thanks! This is a good practical tip our debit-cards come with some insurance to cover that sort of thing, but it's nowhere near enough. We're trying to keep things simple, straightforward and close to home in order to avoid exposing ourselves to too many surprises of that sort, but you never know. The dress is being made by a seamstress and designer who's an acquaintance of the ginger's mum my sherwani is going to be trickier as it's going to be made in Bangladesh under the stern supervision of my dear mum, but I'm not too worried about it... people're likely to be happy as long as I'm clothed and not too garish. It's all about the princess

Your restaurants must charge really little for food...I'm spending half that on food, and it's not even a remotely fancy place (nor do I think I'll have nearly as many guests).

Ha! So there's a Loki wedding coming up huh

We're trying to limit ourselves to ca. 80 people in total. Prices vary from suspiciously low to absurdly high, even with the recently lowered VAT on restaurants. This place charges surprisingly little for food, and reviews throughout the years have been esp. positive wrt the food. The first place charged twice as much, for worse food. We've found some places that charge 3-7 times as much, which is absurd. It helps that half the guests don't drink and that we can supply our own alcoholic beverages (= cheaper and tastier). The cost of renting the venue is very low (although they may be looking at a sudden steep rent hike soon) because it's owned and run by a special kind of foundation and an association who're tasked with running this sort of business with an eye toward some sort of "public good".

The place looks lovely, and is in high demand esp. for weddings, but it's not quite as luxurious as many manors etc that are very popular for hosting weddings.

Out of curiosity, what kind of venues have you guys gone for? A few months ago, I had no idea what sort of places hosted large weddings in Sweden. I certainly had no idea there were so many manors, palaces, jazzed up old warehouses, etc in this country some people have the party on boats/small ships that cruise around in Sthlm's archipelago the party-arranging industry is larger and busier than I'd expected it to be. Sheltered nerdy life

[Aimless]

Since we're talking weddings and money, it always surprised me how everything is overpriced for weddings. Bands, food, photographers, everything is suddenly ten times mores expensive when it's for a wedding.. is that because nobody haggles for their wedding, because, well, it's their wedding and they don't want to be cheap? I mean, I was recently at a fancy party in a fancy location for about as many people as a wedding reception with nice food and drinks that probably lasted longer than any wedding reception, with more upscale live entertainment, and that was 'only' about 100 p.p., and that probably factored in that quite a lot of people, including myself, paid nothing at all.

I've been wondering about this... I'm sure some of it has to do with simple supply and demand principles, where demand may be extra high for photographers and bands etc who're easier to find (eg. via googling "wedding photographer Stockholm") and who come with good recommendations. Part of it no doubt has to do with people not wanting to haggle too strenuously and being willing to pay for "peace of mind". And part of it no doubt has to do with sending the appropriate signals by not being suspiciously cheap!

Atm we're not inclined to spend too much on that sort of thing. We've got a number of photographers among our friends and family ranging from amateurs to semi-professionals so we'll be going with one of those and probably forego the dramatic/romantic wedding video unless the most film-interested of our candidates is esp. keen on making one. As for music, we're not interested in hiring a band atm. Spotify or DJ + good friends who sing and play instruments. We're common people for whom "party" still mostly means "eating food with friends with some music playing in the background". This may change... I mean, a wedding without a band??! Highly unorthodox.

We party differently

Also, awesome suit, and the location looks pretty Though it would not be my kind of place, a bit too.. don't really know how to put it in words.. traditional? tacky? Hope you know what I mean!

Thanks! I haven't been able to decide on a final design yet. It's a frickin' jungle. And I think I know what you mean. I'm not too keen on how Swedish houses--esp. ones built around that time--look from the outside. It's a traditional and very functional Swedish style that just doesn't click with me. The interior design is usually a lot more appealing; even when it's not overly luxurious it's tasteful and welcoming. But the exterior is often a little weird. There's no Greco-Roman in it anywhere

[RandBlade]

It's all about the princess

Some things never change regardless of culture

Your restaurants must charge really little for food...I'm spending half that on food, and it's not even a remotely fancy place (nor do I think I'll have nearly as many guests).

Gee I didn't think I was doing it 'cheap' (except for doing it on a Wednesday) but my total budget is about half that and it is a fancy place.

[Flixy]

I've been wondering about this... I'm sure some of it has to do with simple supply and demand principles, where demand may be extra high for photographers and bands etc who're easier to find (eg. via googling "wedding photographer Stockholm") and who come with good recommendations. Part of it no doubt has to do with people not wanting to haggle too strenuously and being willing to pay for "peace of mind". And part of it no doubt has to do with sending the appropriate signals by not being suspiciously cheap!

Atm we're not inclined to spend too much on that sort of thing. We've got a number of photographers among our friends and family ranging from amateurs to semi-professionals so we'll be going with one of those and probably forego the dramatic/romantic wedding video unless the most film-interested of our candidates is esp. keen on making one. As for music, we're not interested in hiring a band atm. Spotify or DJ + good friends who sing and play instruments. We're common people for whom "party" still mostly means "eating food with friends with some music playing in the background". This may change... I mean, a wedding without a band??! Highly unorthodox.

We party differently

For photographers, definitely do that. People advertising themselves as wedding photographers aren't necessarily better, they just ask more. Although aside from making pictures, they of course also need to be edited, selected, edited into a book and printed nicely which will cost some time and therefore money. As for bands, I find that bands that focus on weddings are generally less good than bands who don't, which are cheaper too Maybe because a lot of bands don't even want to play at weddings though.. I mean, it's long, with people you don't know, you can't party hard because you're, well, the band, and you have to know a lot of really lousy songs because that's what people want to hear I would suggest a DJ because you and your friends will also want to be partying and there always has to be someone. Best to have someone just for that,even if it's no more than spinning records and taking requests. Also using spotify for parties is illegal, I think. I will say that the jazz quarter playing during dinner at the party I mentioned was nice

I do think the peace of mind is important, but still. though 60K krona, doesn't seem too expensive for a nice wedding party, but some figures I hear from other people sometimes..

Thanks! I haven't been able to decide on a final design yet. It's a frickin' jungle. And I think I know what you mean. I'm not too keen on how Swedish houses--esp. ones built around that time--look from the outside. It's a traditional and very functional Swedish style that just doesn't click with me. The interior design is usually a lot more appealing; even when it's not overly luxurious it's tasteful and welcoming. But the exterior is often a little weird. There's no Greco-Roman in it anywhere

I actually meant the interior Exterior seems, well, scandinavian haha, but the interior is a bit too.. well, pastel, tacky flower tiles, rather traditional. Pretty, but not my kind of thing

Also, just saying, but as their photogallery is a business card of the place.. Kinda weird they have duplicate photos (one in BW one in colour) and pictures of glasses and plates

The cost of renting the venue is very low (although they may be looking at a sudden steep rent hike soon) because it's owned and run by a special kind of foundation and an association who're tasked with running this sort of business with an eye toward some sort of "public good".

How fittingly socialist for a Swedish wedding

[Loki]

Ha! So there's a Loki wedding coming up huh

We're trying to limit ourselves to ca. 80 people in total. Prices vary from suspiciously low to absurdly high, even with the recently lowered VAT on restaurants. This place charges surprisingly little for food, and reviews throughout the years have been esp. positive wrt the food. The first place charged twice as much, for worse food. We've found some places that charge 3-7 times as much, which is absurd. It helps that half the guests don't drink and that we can supply our own alcoholic beverages (= cheaper and tastier). The cost of renting the venue is very low (although they may be looking at a sudden steep rent hike soon) because it's owned and run by a special kind of foundation and an association who're tasked with running this sort of business with an eye toward some sort of "public good".

The place looks lovely, and is in high demand esp. for weddings, but it's not quite as luxurious as many manors etc that are very popular for hosting weddings.

Out of curiosity, what kind of venues have you guys gone for? A few months ago, I had no idea what sort of places hosted large weddings in Sweden. I certainly had no idea there were so many manors, palaces, jazzed up old warehouses, etc in this country some people have the party on boats/small ships that cruise around in Sthlm's archipelago the party-arranging industry is larger and busier than I'd expected it to be. Sheltered nerdy life

Not sure how close your wedding is to an Indian wedding, but I went to one of those, and it looked super pricey. Might be an American thing though.

The government has been messing us about for 1.5 years now, but everything is finally in order, so the wedding ceremony will be in March (we'll getting a courtroom wedding in the very near future for immigration reasons though).

We're looking at some semi-outdoor venues (here's a possibility: http://www.prospectpark.org/parties_...nichouserental), and the prices are lower than I thought they'd be. It's everything else that's ridiculously expensive. We're going to get a Russian restaurant for the food, and they all charge well over $100/person, even when they'd charge $30/person for a similar non-wedding event. 30 people = $4000. I had a look at some Italian places, and they cost 2-3 times as much (I have a feeling it's where mafiosos get married given who lives in my neighborhood ). Other stuff is another $2k or so, and we're not exactly doing anything fancy.

Some things never change regardless of culture
Gee I didn't think I was doing it 'cheap' (except for doing it on a Wednesday) but my total budget is about half that and it is a fancy place.

A "cheap" wedding in the US is $20k. I always wondered why it was so much, but now I know (you get ripped off for everything).

[Aimless]

Not sure how close your wedding is to an Indian wedding, but I went to one of those, and it looked super pricey. Might be an American thing though.

Both yes and no--- middle-class to upper-middle-class weddings for Indians and Bengals tend to be really huge affairs, and not only because there are usually so damned many people we're being very restrained, and this will be kinda like a fusion wedding rather than a traditional Bengal wedding. The ginger's parents wanted to contribute a lot of money, but we feel more comfortable paying for most of it ourselves and letting our parents contribute more reasonable amounts. It's the only way to keep things simple, relaxed, fair and in our control.

The government has been messing us about for 1.5 years now, but everything is finally in order, so the wedding ceremony will be in March (we'll getting a courtroom wedding in the very near future for immigration reasons though).

We're looking at some semi-outdoor venues (here's a possibility: http://www.prospectpark.org/parties_...nichouserental), and the prices are lower than I thought they'd be. It's everything else that's ridiculously expensive. We're going to get a Russian restaurant for the food, and they all charge well over $100/person, even when they'd charge $30/person for a similar non-wedding event. 30 people = $4000. I had a look at some Italian places, and they cost 2-3 times as much (I have a feeling it's where mafiosos get married given who lives in my neighborhood ). Other stuff is another $2k or so, and we're not exactly doing anything fancy.

A "cheap" wedding in the US is $20k. I always wondered why it was so much, but now I know (you get ripped off for everything).

On the one hand, Russian cuisine sounds like fun but, on the other hand, ouch :/ is it the vodka surcharge?

The venue looks lovely though, looks like a good place for a proper party and if the weather's on your side it'll be fantastic

[Hazir]

Haha, so I smoked out a Loki-marriage

[Aimless]

There's one feature of Swedish weddings I find totally alien: it's common/customary/expected/okay that guests pay some amount for the dinner. I suppose this allows for fancier parties and fancier meals that don't completely break the bank, and it goes with the notion of the wedding mostly being about getting together to celebrate and to have a good time. Often people write on the invitation that they don't want any gifts.

This is an extremely un-Bengal practice. I don't even feel like it's rude or anything, just utterly foreign. It's hard enough finding time, not to mention money for clothes and travel and accommodation. Rather a simple, affordable wedding that doesn't cost the guests more than absolutely necessary. There are so many socially acceptable and affordable ways to celebrate a marriage these days!

[Loki]

Haha, so I smoked out a Loki-marriage

I mentioned it like a year ago. Original wedding was meant to be in August 2011.

There's one feature of Swedish weddings I find totally alien: it's common/customary/expected/okay that guests pay some amount for the dinner. I suppose this allows for fancier parties and fancier meals that don't completely break the bank, and it goes with the notion of the wedding mostly being about getting together to celebrate and to have a good time. Often people write on the invitation that they don't want any gifts.

This is an extremely un-Bengal practice. I don't even feel like it's rude or anything, just utterly foreign. It's hard enough finding time, not to mention money for clothes and travel and accommodation. Rather a simple, affordable wedding that doesn't cost the guests more than absolutely necessary. There are so many socially acceptable and affordable ways to celebrate a marriage these days!

In any Russian event, the guests are expected to more or less pay for their share of the restaurant cost.

The Indian wedding I went to must have had 150 people and was in a pretty fancy restaurant. Not much food though (something that seems to be common of all American restaurants, regardless of how much they cost).