What's messing with your Groove?

[GGT]

WTF?

Compared to watching a loved one die a long, protracted, or painful death -- dying during sleep can be a blessing, even though it's unexpected. Romantic notions about preparation vs suffering, real world stuff of death.


<My ex's second wife is in hospice now (breast cancer metastasized to her spinal cord) just a couple of months after complaining of back pain. She's lost sensation in her legs because her sacrum is disintegrated, and she's been in constant horrific pain despite powerful pain meds. In fact, she's jaundiced since the meds fried her liver....so many complications. It's a terrible way to die, and it's hard for family/friends to watch.>

[Loki]

Well if anyone in the world is in a situation worse than you, you have no right to complain. I think you just delight in making others as miserable as you are.

[GGT]

Well if anyone in the world is in a situation worse than you, you have no right to complain.

WTF?

I think you just delight in making others as miserable as you are.

This is the messed-up-groove thread, after all.

[Aimless]

GGT, I think it's time you stopped using other people in this self-centered, callous and antisocial fashion. Go make a friend or something and take some long walks together.

[Khendraja'aro]

This is the messed-up-groove thread, after all.

Yeah, and you're messing it up.

Seriously. Aimless posted something that he felt bad about and you come in and say: "Welcome to real life"?

If you did that to someone while I was present, I'd be opening a can of whoop-ass. Seriously. This is the lowest of the low - kicking someone while he's down. I have no patience for such stupidity and zero tolerance for viciousness.

Monstrous!

Quick, let's carpet bomb the area to destroy their silica-based beachheads!

And for this one I apologize. I misinterpreted the contents of the earlier post and made a really bad joke.

[GGT]

GGT, I think it's time you stopped using other people in this self-centered, callous and antisocial fashion. Go make a friend or something and take some long walks together.

I don't need your advice, but do appreciate your intent. Not sure why my intentions were so woefully misconstrued.

Death is "normal", but dying, and how someone dies.....brings out all sorts of complicated emotions and reactions. Don't blame me for recognizing the inherent dilemmas.

If your worst fear is a loved one (or you) dying in their sleep, because it left so many words unsaid...then you have options. You could treat every day as if it's the last, but that has ramifications, too. Living life as if today is the LAST Day can be quite sapping for anyone.

I'm sorry if my "welcome to the real world" took a bad turn.

[Khendraja'aro]

Do we really have to explain to you why this particular phase is not a good idea when talking to sad people?

[GGT]

Do we really have to explain to you why this particular phase is not a good idea when talking to sad people?

Maybe so. Then again, I was replying to a particular person (minx) who's had several years of academic and practical experience.....but was expressing raw emotions. Above all else, I was trying to help minx connect professional and personal attitudes regarding death and dying, but ultimately failed.

[Aimless]

I'm serious man, make a friend and start going on walks

[Ominous Gamer]

The feels of finding out a high school crush liked you, but didn't do anything about it because your shyness was translated as not interested.... 15 years after the fact.

No idea why its messing with me so much so that I felt like posting about it.

[Aimless]

Are you still shy?

[Ominous Gamer]

I'd say so. Especially in groups or around people I know but aren't friendly with. Thats actually how the conversation came up.

Its one reason I decided to follow work in a library, lots of forced interaction. After 13 years I still have problems keeping eye contact.

[Aimless]

That eye-contact thing is tricky, it goes in waves for me.

Ominous, you're a good guy, you seem to have made a good life for yourself with Disney World, a wife and even cute generation-ships for your genes. Even if you're still shy, you've done a lot of growing since you were that shy guy in highschool. That shy guy is always going to be a part of you, but with time maybe you will come to terms with the way his life played out for a while, and forgive him for not getting to date his highschool crush because of unfortunate circumstances.

I'm not sure how to articulate this in a way that will help, but I'm speaking as someone who went through most of my school-years as a shy introvert. I broke out of my shell in a big way a couple of years after graduating, after I'd gotten to a point where I learned to be okay with the way I was back then and the impact it had on my life. I am still periodically reminded of that person, occasionally gripped by the same shyness and introversion that made me feel so trapped and that deprived me of many things, but these days it feels okay. I'm a youngish man with a decent life and I have accomplished something that my highschool-self could not have believed for a second he'd accomplish: I found happiness and peace (and read the last book of WoT ).

It's okay to have regrets man. But you have to assess the way your life turned out 1. fairly and 2. kindly.

You know, a few years after graduating from highschool, I learned that even I was the subject of a crush or two, and I even occasionally featured in the many in-depth seminars the girls at my school held to go over the latest research on who was interesting and for what reasons. Rather than feeling regret and frustration over "how things could have turned out, if only", I felt pleasure, even though we were like 9 guys in our class. It was a bit of a turning point. It was also a comforting reminder that most of us can have a small positive impact on other people even when we don't know it.

If you think about it, you managed to make a good impression on this girl you had a crush on and even managed to make her heart flutter a little... in spite of your shyness and reservation. Your interest may not have been perceptible, but there's no telling 15 years down the line what really would have happened if it had been noticed. We make up all sorts of stories and post-hoc explanations about what we would have done, if only. You can't stake your happiness on that stuff. But your bodacious excellence shone through even your wall of shyness* and you can take that to the bank. peace



* It may also have been the long hair and the grunge/skater look

[Aimless]

Apologies if I'm overstepping or missing the mark

[BalticSailor]

Aphids on my poor, poor basil plants!

[Aimless]

So, I've decided to rid my mum of an unfair debt that's been sabotaging her wellbeing for years now. I figured the easiest thing would be to just pay off the debt in its entirety but, before doing so, I felt I needed to hassle the agency responsible for issuing and collecting the debt.

It is the single most reviled institution Sweden and, in all honesty, my motives for doing this were not entirely pure: I wanted to make some people feel bad, and I wanted to give them a piece of my mind. But I also needed to know as much as possible about this situation so that I could understand it myself and so that I could help my mum understand. I know from experience that, in the contact between institutions and individuals, a lot of problems can arise eg. from misunderstandings due to having different levels of knowledge, differences in how you communicate, etc. I also recognize the impulse to deny or dodge difficult questions out of fear, but I have learned in my few short years of working that that is frequently the worst and most unjust way of handling problematic situations. Clear and patient communication with all cards on the table is often the best way, in many situations, to defuse anger and come to a useful mutual understanding. And that in turn can make things feel a little easier.

Boy has it been an education. I have been given the runaround by several different departments over the course of the past three weeks. Every single person I've spoken with has tried to cut the conversations short, dodging questions or trying to make them seem insignificant, trying to sell me useless or down-right offensive non-answers, trying to get away with not following the explicit agreements I've made with them or with their colleagues about when and how they should contact me, what information they need to have ready, what documentation they should send, etc etc.

At one point, I almost felt bad about the whole thing, and I thought maybe I was being unnecessarily fussy. But yesterday I finally managed to get through to someone who was both better informed than the others and a little more decent. Today I managed to speak with another well-informed and knowledgable case officer. It turns out that, by their own admission, they have indeed given us incorrect information on several occasions--even in the past few weeks--explicitly neglected to inform us about things they should have brought up, neglected to properly document several of the meetings and important phone conversations they've had with my mum and just generally been unreliable. Of course, in several other frustrating instances, they were really just following their guidelines in the best way they could, and some of the problems arose from my mum's difficulties with discerning their motives and processes. Theirs is not an agency that strives to help their clients understand what's going on, so that burden is often entirely on the shoulders of those people who are the least well equipped to shoulder it.

Anyway, the most important thing I've learned today is that the payment plan regarding the part of the debt she shares with another person, a friend of the family, has been misrepresented to us. In essence, what's likely to happen is that the other person will be cleared of debt next year, and my mum will be on the hook for the entirety of that solidaric debt. That is of course the opposite of what we'd been told, which was that he'd pay off that part of the debt in its entirety next year.

I've requested more detailed information regarding this so that there are no misunderstandings, because this involves a good friend of the family. Overall, this actually feels kinda good. I'm putting my vacation and my cantankerous nature to good use, I've learned a great deal that I believe may help me with my patients in the future (because they go through similar difficulties or worse when jousting with this agency for disability payments and the like) and the goal of freeing my mum from the debt that's been hanging over her head for 10 years like the sword of freakin' Damocles is coming ever closer. But damn

[Khendraja'aro]

My knives are all disciples of Khorne, I tell you!

[Ominous Gamer]

That eye-contact thing is tricky, it goes in waves for me.

Ominous, you're a good guy, you seem to have made a good life for yourself with Disney World, a wife and even cute generation-ships for your genes.

I did read this all, but I couldn't think of a response that would show how greatly I appreciate the response.

[Khendraja'aro]

I did read this all, but I couldn't think of a response that would show how greatly I appreciate the response.

"I'm at a loss for words" is the usual response in that case

[GGT]

Bummed out that my cat has either a benign polyp or tumor, or a cancerous growth in her ear. The only way to be sure would mean taking her to a Board Certified Surgical Veterinarian practice that would do a series of panoramic skull X-rays, complete blood work, and surgically remove the growth using latest technology for an osteotomy.

Initial, minimum estimate is $3,000.

In the meantime, I'm putting ointment drops in her ear and shoving antibiotic pills down her throat twice a day, and putting a soft cone collar around her neck to keep her from scratching the ear. She goes from being totally miserable (and semi paralyzed) to jumping on the bed at night, and purring happily.

She'll be scheduled for "simple" surgery after the infection is controlled, but it will still cost several hundred dollars. I'm fortunate that I can afford that kind of care for my cat. It messes with my groove that so many humans can't say the same for themselves.

[Timbuk2]

Cat not insured?

[Spenni]

I'm starting to think me in the reserves is cramping my employment opportunities

[Enoch the Red]

I'm starting to think me in the reserves is cramping my employment opportunities

No offense Spenni, but if you are active duty in the military then you can't explore other employment opportunities.

[Khendraja'aro]

Are we talking about Reserves or Reserve Forces here?

[littlelolligagged]

I'm starting to think me in the reserves is cramping my employment opportunities

That's surprising, considering all the "hire vets" propaganda.

No offense Spenni, but if you are active duty in the military then you can't explore other employment opportunities.

Being in the reserves is not being active duty military. Never mind, I see what you were doing there...

[Loki]

I'm starting to think me in the reserves is cramping my employment opportunities

You do have a marginal advantage to many government jobs, if that's your cup of tea.

[earthJoker]

http://www.bbc.com/news/world-us-canada-28749702

RIP

[GGT]

So, I've decided to rid my mum of an unfair debt that's been sabotaging her wellbeing for years now. I figured the easiest thing would be to just pay off the debt in its entirety but, before doing so, I felt I needed to hassle the agency responsible for issuing and collecting the debt.

Boy has it been an education.


Anyway, the most important thing I've learned today is that the payment plan regarding the part of the debt she shares with another person, a friend of the family, has been misrepresented to us. In essence, what's likely to happen is that the other person will be cleared of debt next year, and my mum will be on the hook for the entirety of that solidaric debt. That is of course the opposite of what we'd been told, which was that he'd pay off that part of the debt in its entirety next year.

I don't know why you think your education is devoid of politics, or why it took you so long to realize it.

I've requested more detailed information regarding this so that there are no misunderstandings, because this involves a good friend of the family. Overall, this actually feels kinda good. I'm putting my vacation and my cantankerous nature to good use, I've learned a great deal that I believe may help me with my patients in the future (because they go through similar difficulties or worse when jousting with this agency for disability payments and the like) and the goal of freeing my mum from the debt that's been hanging over her head for 10 years like the sword of freakin' Damocles is coming ever closer. But damn

Are you posting as an Indian/Bengladish immigrant, or as a Swedish national?

[Loki]

He's posting as Minx, the person. Is your brain incapable of processing anything other than stereotypes?

[earthJoker]

http://www.macon.com/2014/08/16/3252...ng-legend.html