Would you want to be memorialized online?

[Dreadnaught]

Or would this get trite?

1000Memories: A Loved One Has Passed Away. What’s Your Digital Strategy?

by Michael Arrington on Jul 9, 2010



A loved one dies. You get things under control by notifying family and friends, working with a funeral home for the physical remains, and generally getting everything done that needs to get done. You may even get the obituary taken care of for the newspaper, if you still have a local newspaper. But one thing that our culture hasn’t really figured out yet is how to celebrate a past life online. At some point soon we’ll start having an awful lot of dead people around. I’m very sure Google and other search engines will start to filter for deceased people search. It won’t be long at at until we have way more dead people online than live people online.

Legacy.com has partnerships with newspapers to turn obituaries into online sites to commemorate the deceased, but they are more than a little cheesy in their cash extraction procedures. Other services like venture backed Respectance is less aggressive about getting money out of loved ones, but the site design is very dated and there’s still that leave-a-bad-taste-in-your-mouth feeling.

1000Memories launches today, a new service funded by Y Combinator that is trying to bring some dignity to the deceased online. There’s a big focus on design at 1000Memories. Here’s an example site, the great uncle of one of the founders.

Visitors are first presented with a big picture of the deceased, presumably that one image that best captured his soul and personality. From there it’s easy to navigate to your next step as a reader, and sign a guest book. You can also invite others to the page at that time.

But what makes each site really rich are the stories and pictures that loved ones add to the site. Some are silly. Others rip tears from your eyes. But it helps fill out the picture of a man, and it helps family and friends remember that man more richly. There’s also an area for projects – simple things like lighting candles for the deceased to setting up memorial funds for various causes.

Best of all the company isn’t going to charge for the sites – they just don’t think that’s the right way. They’ll develop their business model over time, perhaps creating print books of the content that is left for an individual and letting people buy these books.

They don’t need to make much per site, and it really doesn’t cost that much to keep these sites live in perpetuity. I wonder if, in a hundred and fifty or so years when I finally shuffle off this mortal coil, where I’ll end up being memorialized online. I hope it’s somewhere calm and serene like 1000Memories, and not somewhere that is just trying to gouge cash out of my family. I like this project, I hope it succeeds.

http://techcrunch.com/2010/07/09/a-l...ital-strategy/

[Aimless]

I would, and I think this may be better than facebook.

[agamemnus]

What's my Digital Strategy?

Interesting choice of words...

Also, I'm not so morbid as to form an opinion on this. There should be a third choice...

[LittleFuzzy]

I don't know if I'd want it done for me, but I approve of the concept. I am simultaneously appalled by the thought of communities like 4chan going around and defacing such sites, which we all know will happen as soon as it gains more general attention.

[']['ear]

Well, we did something similar for my transplant. Set up a site with the back story, included the URL and our holiday letter/email a month + ahead of time, plus distributed it to work folk, etc. My wife and her sister would post daily updates so everybody could stay abreast of events. People were emailed with notifications of those updates, but not for every post in the guest book. My wife read all the messages to me every day in the hospital. Perfect was to do such stuff, especially since I've been through similar processes on the other side, and had trouble getting info and conveying support. Fantastic system run by caringbridge.org, and we donated money to them to pay it forward.

Why not for a death? Great idea!

[GGT]

But one thing that our culture hasn’t really figured out yet is how to celebrate a past life online. At some point soon we’ll start having an awful lot of dead people around.

Why should every past life be "celebrated online"? There are already an awful lot of dead people around, hate to break it to the 'net generation. Cemeteries are actually running out of burial space. We already "memorialize" soldiers and dignitaries or VIPs en masse. Funerals are supposedly intimate affairs for surviving loved ones, and they object to group protests (Westboro) and interlopers, but now they want their dead loved ones' lives going viral and global?

Everyone thinks their 15 minutes of fame will come after death? That's not just feeding a morbid voyeurism but narcissism. In many ways it has the unintended consequence of belittling a person's private life, and their importance to a select few, the ones who truly loved them.

When those left behind feel the need to post one life online, just to have a million strangers 'share the love for those they lost', they might as well start a self-help grieving web site.

[']['ear]

Well, I have no intention of being buried or having a cemetery plot. Medical school followed by cremation is my choice. I've told my wife that as a memorial I'd like a tree with a park bench in front of it in an area that really needs it. Something constructive rather than some perpetual immaculate lawn chemical festival.

But in that context, the whole point of post death rituals and memorials is processing/closure for those that remain, and I suspect that a web site would help provide that for those who choose to participate. for those that don't, it's simple: don't participate!

[GGT]

Well, I have no intention of being buried or having a cemetery plot. Medical school followed by cremation is my choice. I've told my wife that as a memorial I'd like a tree with a park bench in front of it in an area that really needs it. Something constructive rather than some perpetual immaculate lawn chemical festival.

But in that context, the whole point of post death rituals and memorials is processing/closure for those that remain, and I suspect that a web site would help provide that for those who choose to participate. for those that don't, it's simple: don't participate!

Well then, as far as this web site goes, it's for the survivors and NOT the dead person. Asking us if WE want to be memorialized online is kind of stupid. It should ask if we want to memorialize the dead people whom we love. As if that would help us lose the people we love? Sounds like a support group.

Why not call it what it is....an internet support group for grievers and mourners.

[termite]

I'd be dead so I wouldn't give a rats arse how you memorialised me, if at all - but if I happen to die on the road I absolutely insist that nobody puts a fucking white cross and flowers on the side of the road!

[littlelolligagged]

I just hope no one tries to throw me a funeral or any dumb shit like that.

[GGT]

I just hope no one tries to throw me a funeral or any dumb shit like that.

But you know they will. And why not? It could mean your children and your best friends, just coming together for a moment. Maybe they will have a party of some sort, with your favorite food and drink. Telling jokes about "remember the time she..."

Funerals don't have to be the staid and somber church or mortuary gatherings most people think of.

[termite]

I've been to more than my fair share of funerals and without a doubt the best ones are the kind where everyone has a party in your honour, and I mean a real party, not cups of tea and cake.

The worst funerals I've been to are the ones that rave on about Jebus and eternal life and the valley of fucking darkness and barely mention the poor bastard getting buried/cremated. It is even more irritating when you know damn well the person being "remembered" was not in the least bit religious but the sister/cousin/aunt or whatever that took over the organising is a religious nutter with connections!

Rock in Peace!

[GGT]

termite

I have to wonder about the people who say they'd like to be memorialized online. I mean, what would be the point? If it's for the survivors, then how could an online link make them feel better about sharing their loss with STRANGERS? On the internet? FFS what's that all about?

The more I think about it, the stranger and stupider it sounds.

[GGT]

Another thing that's kinda bugging me, the more I think on it. I don't really like this Facebook approach to death. For surviving loved ones, it's really NOT the same thing to read an online post or reply, as it is to get a card in the mail, hand-written. Or a phone call, awkward moments and all. The best thing is having people take time to visit and give hugs, tell stories, share memories, maybe even get roaring drunk so they feel "okay" about crying, even during the celebration dance.

I feel a bit sorry for family that would settle for virtual grieving, as if spending time reading the online posts and replying, even to strangers, might make them feel better. Not sure how that would work, when grieving eventually has to move on, but Facebook shit needs constant updating. Sounds worse than keeping ashes on the living room mantle.

[termite]

The more I think about it, the stranger and stupider it sounds.

I don't think you and I are the target group for this GGT, I'm guessing the younger folks that have grown up thinking that updating their Facebook status is somehow more important than really talking to your real friends.

Actually I'd say the Facebook situation where everyone bombards a persons page with RIP messages when they die is exactly where this concept gained plausibility.

[GGT]

I don't think you and I are the target group for this GGT, I'm guessing the younger folks that have grown up thinking that updating their Facebook status is somehow more important than really talking to your real friends.

Actually I'd say the Facebook situation where everyone bombards a persons page with RIP messages when they die is exactly where this concept gained plausibility.

You're right. Is it wrong for me to say that I find this really pathetic, and I feel sorry for them?

Admittedly, I am older than dirt and have some "old fashioned" ideas, but I also have children. I hope to hell they don't take this Facebook or Twitter shit for reality. They have only been to three funerals/memorials, for their grandmoms and a great uncle. Between taking the time to be there, standing around in dress shoes, and drinking mimosas until everyone was barefoot, it was really great for them to meet the folks that loved the people they loved. There was the aroma of food and flowers, the sound of music and voices, the touch of hugs.

No internet posting could compare. Even if they were young and the memory fades, the experience is in their brains like no posting could be. At least I hope so.

[Nessus]

But you know they will. And why not? It could mean your children and your best friends, just coming together for a moment. Maybe they will have a party of some sort, with your favorite food and drink. Telling jokes about "remember the time she..."

Funerals don't have to be the staid and somber church or mortuary gatherings most people think of.

This is really awful

[Ominous Gamer]

Dad didn't allow a funeral. It was pot luck gathering with a slideshow of his life and his favorite music.
Funerals were to boring and dull for him.

[termite]

This is really awful

Is it awful because Lolli said she didn't want a funeral and GGT went right on and told her why she will get one? It seems that a lot of folks struggle with the "no funeral" concept, it just goes against their expectations of how things are done, or meant to be done.

A lot of people have specific requests - such as OG's dad - and those requests should be honoured (IMO) regardless of what others want to see or hear.

We buried a grandmother recently and she was big hearted but tough old military woman (nurse during WW2 & Korea), she had cancer for years before she died. Because of the way her sisters behaved after their mothers funeral she organised in advance everything from the newspaper death notice to the last detail of her funeral and even the selling and dividing of her estate. She was canny enough to do this in such a way that it simply had to be done her way and nobody (particularly her sisters) could change a thing about it.

I felt a bit sad that she knew her own close family did not respect her wishes enough to treat her as she wished after death and instead had to put everything in place herself.

http://www.lifeart.com.au/

[GGT]

This is really awful

What is awful? "Funeral" or "memorial" doesn't have to be Old School. Obviously, there are different ways, and now one can be Memorialized online....

[EyeKhan]

Or would this get trite?

I don't want to be memorialized at all. Burn me up and mix my ash into the garden or something. Or flush it if you can't stomach that.