Recommended White Noise Machines

[Dreadnaught]

Frank question follows.

Let's say you have a guest coming for a few days and you want them to feel comfortable taking a crap in the bathroom. But you have a studio apartment, so that's tough.

Unless you're willing to re-wire one of those fake fans into your ceiling, seems like a white noise machine would be effective. Anyone have one and have some recommendations?

[Illusions]

Have people really gotten this bad at problem solving?

1. A laptop or other portable device with speakers that can play and loop any of the many white noise sound files available on the internet, from youTube to Wikipedia. (Try http://youtuberepeater.com/ if you want youTube).
2. A portable radio tuned to static.
3. A TV tuned to static.
4. A portable radio playing a white noise CD.
5. Any other loud device. Leave it on nearby.

[Nessus]

Put some music or telly-vee on so you can both pretend you can't hear her?

[Aimless]

Faucet. Or do it in conjunction with showering shut the door, get nekkid, turn on the shower, do your business, then shower

[Timbuk2]

That's exactly what I do at me dad's house when I visit. He has thin wooden floorboards that allow you to hear pretty much everything.

I tend to have my morning constitutional when I get up in the morning, and I take a shower in the morning. So I switch on the shower first.

He has one of these power showers that makes a helluva racket, so no one can hear what you get up to in the bathroom.

~

Or you can be all girly and install a looping sound of tinkling waterfall type noises. Or whalesong. Or something else water-related.

[Dreadnaught]

I'm not going to put a stereo or a laptop in my bathroom at the ready, that would take up space/cost a lot of money for a laptop. And I don't own a TV.

Plus this is something the bathroom user should control, which is why a white noise machine tucked on the floor seems to be the best option. And would rather not waste gallons of water while we each take craps. As it is, my building is spending over a hundred thousand to replace our water tank, don't want to wear it out.

[littlelolligagged]

Are you really so embarrassed by your shitting that this is necessary?

[Dreadnaught]

When it's a studio apartment and you don't know someone that well, yeah few people are comfortable just dropping one. Plus, again, I live in a studio apartment. The bathroom (which has a floor vent on the door) is three meters away from the bed.

[EyeKhan]

Seems like most of the suggestions offered are things the crapper's going to have to use proactively. Your OP sounds like you're trying to make the guest feel more comfortable, so how do you do that by suggesting "Hey, turn the shower on before you go #2 so I can't hear it. Just a suggestion...." Or were you really referring to yourself?

So, do you have a plan for the stink? Spray can? Burn a candle? I'm partial to the candle thing, myself. Its a more pleasant form of indoor air poison than lysol.

Also, do you still sit to pee so as not to embarrass your lady friends with the sound of your stream splashing?

[Flixy]

I'm always more concerned about the smell than the sound

[rumrunner]

Depending the volume, and reverberation, the sound can be worse than the smell. Well, close to it.
As far as being shy about it, read the book "Everybody Poops". I don't remember who wrote it as I was very young when I read it. I understand that really loud ass noises can make people very self-conscious, but it happens. Get a big box fan and point it at the vent in door. That way you and your guest(s) may decide whether to be heard or smelled.

[GGT]

When it's a studio apartment and you don't know someone that well, yeah few people are comfortable just dropping one. Plus, again, I live in a studio apartment. The bathroom (which has a floor vent on the door) is three meters away from the bed.

Look, if this is the same woman you visited in LA, told this forum about her bald pubic area, and you have a sexual relationship.......I gotta ask, first: is this "white noise" because YOU have a shy colon or because she does? And second, if you can fly coast-to-coast and have sex with each other, what's the big deal about crapping behind a closed door? If you know her well enough to screw and probably have oral sex, then there ya go. Guess you'll each find out how uptight the other one is.

[GGT]

thought I'd share a story, late at night, why not.

Years ago, when I was in my twenties, my serious boyfriend and I were invited to my mom's little island house on North Captiva (this was back before anyone discovered or developed the island, very few stilt homes, no roads or cars, all used cisterns for water and sand septic for toilets---ie, super duper conservatory). The bathroom was off the living area, and my boyfriend had a shy bladder AND colon. He disappeared for the longest time, not that anyone noticed because the house had people playing cards, laughing, music playing, that kind of thing.

But then my mom said, uhm, why has the water been running this long, what's going on in there, is he okay? So I had to knock and basically come in, even tho he said "just a minute!" He'd gone to take a crap but was worried he might be heard, so he turned on the water faucet and let it run! He'd been told how precious water was, and not to even flush urine, but he was just SO SHY and embarrassed.....it was a really awkward situation, because he'd practically drained the cistern, meant for showers and washing dishes.

The next day we (the family) had to secretly reduce our water consumption, and not let on to him, since he'd have been even more mortified. A few of us bathed in the ocean with saltwater, no big deal, we were used to it. I recall he took a longer-than-necessary shower the next day, with what was left of the cistern water. He just didn't "get it". He hadn't ever camped much, didn't take to island life, and was a totally spoiled American consumer. We didn't last as a couple much longer after that.

[Being]

Tell her to go down the street and let it go at McDonalds.

[Flixy]

GGT- why didn't you just tell him?

Also, I have a student room with a private bathroom. I imagine a studio would have more privacy than this situation has, and I have never been bothered about a girl pooping at my place I mean, can you really hear it that well at your place??

[Hazir]

Maybe Americans eat more beans ?

[agamemnus]

McDonald's is the last place ... I'd ever consider ...

[Being]

McDonald's is the last place ... I'd ever consider ...

Well....tell her go down the street to the fancy Italian eatery and let it go.

[Dreadnaught]

Look, if this is the same woman you visited in LA, told this forum about her bald pubic area, and you have a sexual relationship.......I gotta ask, first: is this "white noise" because YOU have a shy colon or because she does? And second, if you can fly coast-to-coast and have sex with each other, what's the big deal about crapping behind a closed door? If you know her well enough to screw and probably have oral sex, then there ya go. Guess you'll each find out how uptight the other one is.

Most couples have that line when you kind of acknowledge that bodily function. Neither is uptight, but we are fairly new to each other and may not necessarily want to sit around the apartment listening to each other take craps.

LAst weekend she decided to come visit me for this weekend, so I guess we'll get a preview to see if the bathroom's proximity is an issue.

Tell her to go down the street and let it go at McDonalds.

Even though there's a McDonalds two blocks from my apartment, I went in a McDonalds for the first time in about 4-5 years this weekend on a highway. The first thing I noticed was that the bathrooms were large and had signs pointing them out.

Many McDonalds bathrooms in NY are unmarked and often require an employee to buzz you in.

[GGT]

Dread, haven't you had any company there yet, who had to take a crap? (And I was kind of yankin' your chain about worrying over this.... )

[Dreadnaught]

Oh I have, but they all lived in NY and weren't here for more than two nights hence my concern.

[GGT]

Then you need an out-of-towner basket in your bathroom. Just in case luggage gets lost. Travel sized things like a toothbrush, tampons, wet-naps, room spray or candle. Put a little radio in there with music playing so she can turn up the volume, if needed. You can leave the apartment "to get a newspaper" if she uses the bathroom and you hear the music get louder.

[Flixy]

Of course, you could also buy the toothbrush, tampons etc. only if her luggage gets lost Radio in the bathroom is always good, especially if your shower is also in there!

[Dreadnaught]

Well her flight just landed. If there are problems this weekend I'll obviously get some kind of white noise maker before she comes out for her longer trip.

[Nessus]

I'm sorry Eric, it's just

It's not gonna work

Your poops, Eric

They are so lackluster

When I poop, it is a jet engine, alright

You?

It's a Sedan

You heard it

I heard it

I'm

I'm sorry