What do you think your Golden Years will look like? Will the quality of your life be more important than longevity itself? What about the other people involved?

My mom used to say.....she'd rather have a stroke that left one side paralyzed, and be freee to crawl her way around the garden, than be confined to a nursing home. She didn't want to live life without her own gardens, or be in a place that wouldn't let her crawl around to get around. She was adamant about that. It was important to her that we knew that.

I used to admire that as a strong and independent opinion, but also callous and selfish. After all, it would be her adult children, all living in different states, to make sure her wishes were honored.

In the end, mom died suddenly and without warning. Not even at her home or among her beloved gardens or waters. My sisters spent the next ten years tending her house, the gardens and pool in her absence, maintaining everything the way she would have liked as if she was still alive. Selling her boat was something they put off for ages. They flew to Florida every other week, taking turns, in between their jobs and careers and lives at their homes. Taking hurricane precautions, paying out the nose for Katrina and Rita damages. They didn't understand why I didn't want to be a third party, or why my young children wouldn't think it was a "vacation" to visit their dead grandma's house....when grandma wasn't there!

I don't want my Golden Years to be a burden for my kids. I especially don't want my kids to cling to my Twilight Years, or spend many of their best years keeping me alive.