First Semester of Freshmen College

[CitizenCain]

Well, having seen more queeny gays than I'd like, I can say with some confidence that there's not as much difference between women and [that type of] gay men as most people think. Seems to me like it's almost exclusively anatomical.

[Aimless]

And nothing helps fix those women-woes like alcohol huh :P

[LittleFuzzy]

If you want to dissuade young folks from using alcohol, don't warn them about death or illness. Teens, as a group, are generally invulnerable and immortal, so scare them off with things that could actually happen. Like whiskey dick, or a face covered with permanent-pen penises or waking up to find all your clothes hanging from the tree in the front yard/common area... and that's just for starters, for drunken shenanigans so common as to be universally applicable.

[i[Nothing[/i] is going to scare them off. Because they do think they're immortal, invulnerable, and everyone else can't have a clue. I don't care about dissuading them. But pointing out how stupid something is? Well that's an activity that I find enjoyable.

There's a lot more to it than that. First of all, like Minxy points out, alcohol does a lot more than just release endorphins. It puts you in a better position to enjoy social activities.

Isn't that an effect of the released endorphins though? So something that can be replicated by doing something which is constructive rather than destructive?

Secondly, recent animal studies on "lesser" mammals (deer and other common herbivores) suggest that seeking out altered states of consciousness is ubiquitous among us mammals (if not animals in general), so, as a matter of fact, being drunk is its own reward.

That conclusion is several jumps ahead of the presumed data. I could just as easily say that it's evidence that mammals are in fact dumber forms of life.

And, just because I can't let such a good opportunity pass... if you're going to rag on alcohol for being a toxic way to have a good time, you need to be fair and make the same criticism of women. Alcohol may kill you slowly and make you stupid, but women also expect half your stuff when you're done with them.

Kane, remember who you're replying to.

[CitizenCain]

Nothing is going to scare them off. Because they do think they're immortal, invulnerable, and everyone else can't have a clue.

You sure about that? Or is it possible that factors like social embarrassment or "peer acceptance" might succeed where the [relatively low] risk of physical harm fails?

I knew a chubby chick once who'd rather use Phen Phen or cocaine to lose weight than some legal, OTC aids, because "blow and Phen Phen don't cause 'anal leakage.'" Seriously. (Personally, I think either a leaky anus or an exploding heart are worse than carrying the freshman 15 around, but I'm weird like that.) Having your heart explode is preferable to social embarrassment, for a whole lot of teens, so I'm not sure it's a matter of nothing working, so much as it's a matter of physical injury just being a factor that the teen mind manages to dismiss out of hand.

Isn't that an effect of the released endorphins though? So something that can be replicated by doing something which is constructive rather than destructive?

No, I think it's something about alcohol. Nicotine releases similar levels of the same endorphins, but doesn't grant the same relaxed confidence or desire to socialize that come from drinking. Opiates and [most] "painkillers" also release a whole host of endorphins, but don't make you confident or want to socialize. Probably more examples too, just none I've experienced that jump to mind at the moment.

That conclusion is several jumps ahead of the presumed data. I could just as easily say that it's evidence that mammals are in fact dumber forms of life.

Another acceptable, and possibly correct, interpretation of the data.

But one that will probably fall apart once "animal studies" routinely move beyond the fuzzy, cute, mammalian forms of life we tend to focus on. I have every confidence that science will eventually discover that humans, deer and lizards are equally dumb, at least in the case of the average members of each species.

Kane, remember who you're replying to.

Fine, relationships in general. I suspect slutty guys can be much more toxic than a bottle of Jack, but have no experiences in that arena to draw on. Though, come to think of it, I was once told that a glass of cyanide was preferable to my company, and that supports my theory, right?

[GGT]

There's a lot more to it than that. First of all, like Minxy points out, alcohol does a lot more than just release endorphins. It puts you in a better position to enjoy social activities. Secondly, recent animal studies on "lesser" mammals (deer and other common herbivores) suggest that seeking out altered states of consciousness is ubiquitous among us mammals (if not animals in general), so, as a matter of fact, being drunk is its own reward.

Catnip!

And, just because I can't let such a good opportunity pass... if you're going to rag on alcohol for being a toxic way to have a good time, you need to be fair and make the same criticism of women. Alcohol may kill you slowly and make you stupid, but women also expect half your stuff when you're done with them.

Your solution (again) is to go with guys. No pregnancy, no female drama, and you like guys with guns. Problem solved!

[Omega]

Plus, depending on your university, you'll probably be living in freshman dorms the first year, and I think they have all sorts of rules. I know at UVA the guys were on one floor, girls on another. Not that it stopped much from happening but not as wild as the frat row or off campus apartments would be.

Nah, when it came down to it. I chose Toronto over UVA because of many, many factors. And trust me, I know. I was visiting a friend at UVA and during the course of the night, no less than six girls came and hung out in a drunken stupor.

A set of really loud speakers and some noisy gay porn work better, at least in my experience. If you ignore it, they won't stop doing it. On the other hand, if you crank up the gay porn to 100 dB every time someone's blasting their crappy rap collection, well, you end up hearing a lit less crappy music through your walls. Although, come to think of it, I didn't make any friends in my dorm building, and the RA was always hassling me over something... might be related.

But yeah, definitely get some headphones and something to listen to through them. Otherwise you'll end up hearing some crap you don't want to, either way you approach the problem.

Yah, I remember being worried about hooking up with a virgin at Waterloo when I visited there. Turns out I should have been more worried about getting trampled by a herd of unicorns.

I think it would loose shock value eventually, no? And do I really want to be known as "that kid"? I don't think my poor, little heart could survive the scornfully painful glares everyone will be attacking me with. Wouldn't the moaning actually arouse many? Grunting and heaving, regardless of gender or species, is still a sexual social cue.

But you don't know it will make you do stupid things. In fact, until you actually know how you behave under the influence you can't make a definitive statement like that. I know, I know, you could say the same thing about cocaine, but alcohol is slightly less dangerous.

Hey man, I'm in the same boat as you, incoming freshman, and I gotta say you're going into this with a less than optimal attitude. If you keep fantasizing about all this horrible shit your mind will be too clouded to enjoy all of the good times you're forgetting.

You're right; I need empirical data in order to create a marginally well-reasoned hypothesis about alcohol, but I don't drink coffee either. I'm trying to steer clear of potentially potent concoctions. As stigmatizing as not drinking coffee is in high school since you're not a kool kid, I don't really care. I personally find it ridiculous to have a coffee addiction at fourteen. I'll wait until my frontal lobe is fully developed before harming it in the name of social acceptance, or stupidity.

Oh don't worry. I'll have fun. I'd just rather have complete control over my cognitive capabilities when doing anything.

Alcohol is literally a poison. There is absolutely no positive biological facet to its use. Anything you can do with alcohol, you can also do without it, with a less artificially-dulled mind and an unabused liver.

Half a glass of red wine a day staves of cancer and it helps your digestive system. You're less likely to become a corpulent ball of malignant tumor, but that's only red/white wine, not shots, lol.

I dunno if it's that black and white. For example, a lot of guys really don't enjoy talking to attractive girls at parties while feeling nervous, self-conscious and inhibited. But the same guys might really enjoy the same activity while feeling confident, happy, relaxed. They might eventually be able to get that without alcohol but it looks like, for some people, in some environments, it takes a while.

Yeah, the artificial confidence alcohol grants you finally allows you to deliver killer line, "Do you have colon cancer? 'Cause that's a killer ass" without your voice trembling and cracking like that of a prepubescent, Parkinson's patient. Real smooth. :lol"

Secondly, recent animal studies on "lesser" mammals (deer and other common herbivores) suggest that seeking out altered states of consciousness is ubiquitous among us mammals (if not animals in general), so, as a matter of fact, being drunk is its own reward. Engaging in enjoyable activities while drunk is just a bonus.

Proclaimed shamans and other masterful mages all drank deer urine before have their "prophecies." Deer eat toxic shrooms that inadvertently kill us because of our pathetically weak digestive track, but the deers manage to process the mushrooms rather efficiently. So all these gypsies did was drink some goat/deer/horse urine and feel the second-hand effects (hallucinations) without experiencing any uncomfortable side-effects.

[CitizenCain]

Nah, when it came down to it. I chose Toronto over UVA because of many, many factors. And trust me, I know. I was visiting a friend at UVA and during the course of the night, no less than six girls came and hung out in a drunken stupor.

And to you, this was a bad thing?

*<sigh>* An even split on that, and you've got yourself a foursome, FFS! What am I missing here?

I think it would loose shock value eventually, no? And do I really want to be known as "that kid"? I don't think my poor, little heart could survive the scornfully painful glares everyone will be attacking me with. Wouldn't the moaning actually arouse many? Grunting and heaving, regardless of gender or species, is still a sexual social cue.

It's almost always a mistake to underestimate the homophobia of your average [North] American male, particularly one so inconsiderate as to have frequent, loud sex his neighbors would be forced to hear. Fair enough, not wanting to be "that guy," though... most people don't share the same perverse ecstasy I get from finding creative ways to "turn the tables" on a deserving victim irritant. As to the arousal factor, there's no need to just take my word for it. You should feel free to run an experiment and see what a booming, baritone voice screaming "oh yeah, pound my ass harder" (etc) does to your... erm, "arousal." I bet it gets all floppy and soft pretty quickly.

Proclaimed shamans and other masterful mages all drank deer urine before have their "prophecies." Deer eat toxic shrooms that inadvertently kill us because of our pathetically weak digestive track, but the deers manage to process the mushrooms rather efficiently. So all these gypsies did was drink some goat/deer/horse urine and feel the second-hand effects (hallucinations) without experiencing any uncomfortable side-effects.

Hey, whatever works for you. I'm not here to judge or tell you how to live your life, but I should just point out that alcoholic beverages are both easier to come by and much more palatable than animal urine. Plus, if you don't want to be known as "that guy" who retaliates with gay porn, you probably don't want to be known as "that guy, over there, drinking the deer piss" either.

[GGT]

Omega, if you are averse to alcohol, just walk around carrying a short highball glass, with a Sprite or sparking water and ice cubes, plus a lime or lemon wedge. No one would give you a hard time for "not imbibing", they'll assume you're having vodka or gin on the rocks.

But don't deprive yourself of the general depravity in college. That comes with others getting stinkin' drunk, and making you laugh until you could puke, even if you're just a tee-totalling bystander.

Oh yeah, and the upside of that is being sober enough to study or go to classes without a hangover, PLUS being the one to tell all the funny True Stories to those who were too drunk to remember what the hell really happened. You've got to adopt a sense of humor about it all, and not be a judgmental whiny prick, though. Make it fun, make it work. Also...

These are The Days of Our Lives, As The World Turns, while you are among The Young and the Restless....

[Omega]

And to you, this was a bad thing?

*<sigh>* An even split on that, and you've got yourself a foursome, FFS! What am I missing here?

Girls have cooties. I thought you'd know better.

It's almost always a mistake to underestimate the homophobia of your average [North] American male, particularly one so inconsiderate as to have frequent, loud sex his neighbors would be forced to hear. Fair enough, not wanting to be "that guy," though... most people don't share the same perverse ecstasy I get from finding creative ways to "turn the tables" on a deserving victim irritant. As to the arousal factor, there's no need to just take my word for it. You should feel free to run an experiment and see what a booming, baritone voice screaming "oh yeah, pound my ass harder" (etc) does to your... erm, "arousal." I bet it gets all floppy and soft pretty quickly.

I resent the North American stereotype about homophobia! Most of my friends socially progressive liberals (the Mel Gibson kind of liberals). I like my penis nice and flaccid. I don't ever recall possessing a bad case of limp dick hurt anyone. You might be slightly conscious about your wank retracting into your pubic cavity, but I'll survive since I don't use it.

Hey, whatever works for you. I'm not here to judge or tell you how to live your life, but I should just point out that alcoholic beverages are both easier to come by and much more palatable than animal urine. Plus, if you don't want to be known as "that guy" who retaliates with gay porn, you probably don't want to be known as "that guy, over there, drinking the deer piss" either.

I would be consuming the deer ambrosia on my own, personal time. No one would witness the act. I think I'll be safe.

Oh yeah, and the upside of that is being sober enough to study or go to classes without a hangover, PLUS being the one to tell all the funny True Stories to those who were too drunk to remember what the hell really happened. You've got to adopt a sense of humor about it all, and not be a judgmental whiny prick, though. Make it fun, make it work. Also...

But I don't want to urine uncontrollably or vomit noisily as I succumb to venereal diseases I contracted while hooking up with a one-eyed prostitute. I'll be the DD.

[CitizenCain]

Girls have cooties. I thought you'd know better.

They're also insane, infuriating, irrational, lying, insufferable, hypocritical wastes of huge amounts of time and money. Yet they manage to make life worth living in spite of all that, somehow.

You might be slightly conscious about your wank retracting into your pubic cavity, but I'll survive since I don't use it.

Mind if I ask why? Whenever possible, I prefer to know specifically why I should be depressed.

I'll be the DD.

What if they don't need a DD? What if they already have a skilled DDD at their disposal? You'll be stuck in your room, drinking deer urine, all by your lonesome.

[Catgrrl]

They're also insane, infuriating, irrational, lying, insufferable, hypocritical wastes of huge amounts of time and money. Yet they manage to make life worth living in spite of all that, somehow.

Thanks!

[Omega]

Mind if I ask why? Whenever possible, I prefer to know specifically why I should be depressed.

A big, ol' military man with guns should never feel inadequate, especially about the size of his prick. I recall you wanted to laser off the hair on your shaft, if there is no visible shaft, how will your dream ever become a reality?!

What if they don't need a DD? What if they already have a skilled DDD at their disposal? You'll be stuck in your room, drinking deer urine, all by your lonesome.

I'll be willing to perform indescribable acts of homosexual affection if they let me sit at their table and drive them. Who says I won't drink recreationally anyways? :P

[LittleFuzzy]

They're also insane, infuriating, irrational, lying, insufferable, hypocritical wastes of huge amounts of time and money. Yet they manage to make life worth living in spite of all that, somehow.

You couldn't have gone for the lit reference? They're nothing but exasperating, irritating, vacillating, calculating, agitating, maddening and infuriating hags.

[Catgrrl]

Thanks

[LittleFuzzy]

Thanks

I'm not saying it. I'm just providing the reference I think HE should have used.

[Catgrrl]

I'm not saying I disagree either

[CitizenCain]

A big, ol' military man with guns should never feel inadequate, especially about the size of his prick.

Well, I don't. Being depressed about people falling for the same old lies about sex is completely unrelated to personal feelings of sexual adequacy.

I'll be willing to perform indescribable acts of homosexual affection if they let me sit at their table and drive them. Who says I won't drink recreationally anyways? :P

So, wait. You don't want to be known as "that guy" with the gay porn... but being "that guy who'll suck dick for a seat" doesn't bother you? You have some odd priorities.

You couldn't have gone for the lit reference? They're nothing but exasperating, irritating, vacillating, calculating, agitating, maddening and infuriating hags.

I think it's mainly on account of my heterosexuality that lyrics from a musical weren't the first things to spring to mind regarding the nature of women. And, let's not forget, I was born this way, I didn't choose it!

[Crowheart]

I on-lyyyy knew, when he
began drinking urine with me,
I could of burst, burst hymensssss..alllll nightttt

[agamemnus]

Thirdly, there's a reason people tend to combine pleasure-causing activities

A.D.D.

[Omega]

So, wait. You don't want to be known as "that guy" with the gay porn... but being "that guy who'll suck dick for a seat" doesn't bother you? You have some odd priorities.

Don't knock it till you try it.