Guess I've had enough rum to post here now.
My kids have an idiot for a father. The male role models from his family are bummed out we live so far away. They've expressed some guilt and regret they couldn't have been more involved or helpful. My family is too small and too far away to have been much help for these boys.
After their dad was officially remarried, both sons pretty much said they're done with him. They don't want "visitation", and don't feel "obligated" to visit him....even though they're just a mile away. They're finally old enough to say NO, but their dad doesn't care or understand. He somehow views his own sons in the same light as his new wife's ficking yappy dogs....external clothes to wear and take off, depending on whims of the moment and what Image he wants to project.
These (wonderful, beautiful, smart, loving and lovable) boys also think his new wife is a joke. They don't get along with her, and have lost their patience for being polite to their own father. More importantly, they have no respect for him. They've tried to tell me how hard it's been to placate their father, when he doesn't give a shit about them, and they've reached their limit.
Hard to know how to process these emotions, or know how to proceed. Making matters even harder, their Paw Paw (their dad's dad) has Alzheimer's disease. He's become quite feeble and forgetful, but thankfully he still knows they're his "kin". What disturbed my sons was seeing how their father didn't really care for his own father----put him on an airline flight all by himself, didn't want him in his own home's guest room (it remained empty), made reservations at a hotel but didn't ask for a handicapped shower with grab bars, separate beds or adjoining rooms.
He expected the boys would sleep on the sofa or the floor (which they did), help shower, feed and dress his father, drive him to the wedding and "keep track" of him during everything (which they did). He ignored his own father's needs, and his own son's needs at every twist and turn----expected our kids to "take care of his father" so he could (in essence) ignore them.
His brothers noticed, and were also very uncomfortable in this entirely weird scene. Thankfully, they could accompany the Patriarch on the plane ride back home, and make sure Paw Paw's needs were tended. I was pulled aside with whispered voices, during our pancake visit before the wedding, to talk about Paw Paw's immediate housing needs, and asked my opinion. While it made me feel part of the family, the whole damn thing was filled with too much confusion and hurried words, while the ex and his new wife were calling Territorial pissing rights. Much like she did with her fucking yappy dogs and visitation rights. Similar to what he did with his parental custodial rights and our sons. Neither of them actually care, or want to be caretakers.
To them, it's all about the outward Image. Treating parents, siblings, children, or even pets.....as wearable, interchangeable, or disposable "things". Subjects of their whim and whimsy. Pawns in their Game of Life, dressing for success, valuing everything external but nothing internal. That's what shells of people do, I suppose. Otherwise they're ugly in their nakedness.
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Originally Posted by Loki
. Especially because you can't really know if that thing in the past was really a shot, or that they are being nice to you ("Oh you're great and all, I just don't want you right now" 
