Fielding Opinions and Ideas.....

[GGT]

Thanks, they're all fairly pissed at me right now. The kids, the ex, his new wife, all of them. I'm the bad guy....

[Catgrrl]

Unfortunately, the one who is the "adult" usually gets the short end of the stick that way.

But, at least you confronted him which is the right thing to do. Your kids will come around; especially if they think about the whole "health" issue related to the moldy stuff.

[GGT]

Thanks, Cat. I hope you're right. Only time will tell, I suppose. And just so y'all know, my sisters and I already went through this family "thing" when our dad died in 1979, and again when our mom died in 2001. It's amazing how people react after death, and what they think is "important". Mr. Ex buried his mom a couple of years ago, and is having trouble with his ageing father.

Sometimes.....well, I think people get hung up on "stuff" as the important emotional factor, as a replacement for dealing with impending loss or death. (I am no exception.




Indeed, I am exhibit A in finding something valuable, by digging through my grampa's things and finding family gold. Poems his new bride wrote, lovely scrapbook things, with that special flair of individual handwriting on paper, using an Ink pen. Tiny pocket books, bound in leather, with a forward written by village leaders that ended up being district judges, a wedding dress wrapped in tissue paper, that somehow survived a devastating house fire, hat pins and opera glasses, hand stitched linens with embroidered initials, early pewter or engraved silver, hand painted china with initials on the bottom that meant great X 5 aunts.....the same things that would be bagged and boxed and taken to Salvation Army.

[Catgrrl]

That's true. It is hard to let go of things that have a "sentimental" value to you. And everyone's level of sentimental is different.

And it's not like you've sold the stuff or chucked it yet. You simply told them they have to go through it; no different than the stuff they'd normally have at your house I suppose. On occasion stuff has to be gone through, donated or thrown out. Hopefully they'll just grumble, get on with it, and keep what is salvageable and easy to store. Teenagers hate having to go through their stash of "Valuables", but it's gotta be done sometime.

(Like I should talk. My old closet at my parents' house has all of my junk in it, and I haven't lived there in 7 years! Wedding dress, puzzles, books, collector Barbie and Disney dolls....I did tell my mom I would come over one weekend this fall and go through things though. My sister and brother are the same and they've been out of the house almost as long. But they're much farther away and never were good at cleaning out stuff- LOL)

[GGT]

Yeah, people used to laugh at me for hanging onto the early 1900 tin soldier collection, because they had lead paint and my kids couldn't really "play" with them. But they're really cool, especially their guns and swords, and cannon wheels. Not quite the same as my Barbie collection with her tiny plastic shoes and earrings, and her own wardrobe closet suitcase. And definitely not the same as my early Pooh Bear collection, or our family collection of Teddy Bears that date back to Roosevelt.

anyway, point being, that those things have to be "stored" somehow, in order to be "passed on". They need to be taken care of, not exposed to basement floods and ignored. And not just dumped on ex-spouses or young kids.

[Lebanese Dragon]

I was afraid you might come out lookin' like the bad guy, and i'm sure the Ex didn't help stop that image from being created. However, I think you did the right thing, and your kids will forget about it in time. I am kind of worried about instlling some sort of emotional issues/scarring toward you. Hmm.. at the same time i really think you can combat that by showing them you care, and that you care about things they care about. Social problems at school, or whatever it is... I'm sure talk with your kids, and develop that social bond. You'll be fine...