Quote Originally Posted by RandBlade View Post
Why would you tell someone that?

I get frustrated with tech support sometimes, because I'm not a fucking moron so I hate having to go through 20 "yes, done that" bits where even when I say "already done that" they want me to re-do it with them on the phone before continuing. The problem sometimes is that while too many people are such morons, if this is the 7th time you've had to speak to them and its never worked yet and every time you have to start from "is it plugged in" it gets very frustrating. My Sky Broadband modem was delivered to us DOA, every person I spoke to would require starting from the start until they'd remotely attempt to tweak something then say "give it 24 hours and try again". Try again: Didn't work, call up: "Is it plugged in, have you tried replacing the filter?". Seriously, can you not see on your notes I spoke to you yesterday and the day before and each day for the last 10 days and YES IT'S PLUGGED IN!? "Well just double-check for me please, this is the cause of a lot of errors. Have you tried replacing the filter yet?" "ARRRGGHHH! " "Just try unplugging the filter and replugging it" "That will cut off this phone call you know as the phone is plugged in to the filter and I've done it every day for two weeks now" "Don't worry I'll call you back within 15 minutes"

Took nearly a month and an engineer coming on site and still not being able to figure out why it wasn't working before ultimately they realised my modem was from a dodgy batch and could they replace it? Every single bloody day though, replace the filter, unplug and replug it.
We probably had the same script - however, we actually did take notes and didn't make the customer go through this rigmarole twice (unless he was an obnoxious ass, of course).

Here's my script on how to do a firmware reset on a certain receiver:
Me: "Now, please listen to my instructions before you do anything. This so-called firmware reset consists of three steps, which you have to do in close order, which I will tell you now before you do anything. So please listen to me before acting on it: First you have to pull out the power plug and re-insert it. Second step: You have to..."
Customer: "Okay, power plug is out and in again? What now?"
Me: muttering something

Another one would be:
Me: "Please press the triangular button which shows to the right now. Yes, it looks like a triangle. To the right. It's right to the OK button. Below the info button. If begin counting from the top, it would be the ninth button on the right side."
(That's why we had photos of every remote control and all front panels of every receiver)

Last but not least:
Me: "What do you see on your screen?"
Customer: "A flowerpot."
(In German, "on" and "on top of" are the same word)

Then there was a time where I was working for EuropCar.
Customer: "The car just broke down" (huge noise from the highway behind him, had difficulty understanding him)
Me: "Ok, sir, no problem but could you get into the car again, I can hardly hear you due to the noise."
Cust: "That's not possible."
Me: "Uh, why?"
Cust: "The car is burning."

Caller: "Hello, this is the military police of the US airbase at Ramstein. We have a car parked in a forbidden location. Could you tell us who rented it?"
Me: "Seems to be a Mr. Yusuf Abdul from Afghanistan"
That was during the Afghanistan war.