Funeral dilemma

[oldmunchkin]

The question of the day is, how far can you reasonably be expected to travel to the funeral of a friend? Or for that matter, what obstacles keep us from traveling to funerals? Jobs? Newlywed? Financial? Distance?

This has come up for me this weekend. I had a dear friend die in Fall River, Mass. Now, I'm in Eastern Wyoming, can hitch a ride with a trucker friend all the way back East, so travel costs are minimal, but time off, health reasons, etc, are all conspiring to make me think staying home would be best. Among one of my valid issues is the weather...frankly I can't afford to be snowed in somewhere on the East coast! But, if I don't go, I have all the guilt that is there when her sister calls and asks where was I! And yes, P. will do that!

What is a reasonable distance to expect friends to travel for a funeral? Across the country? Internationally? Give me some ideas here please.

[GGT]

...But, if I don't go, I have all the guilt that is there when her sister calls and asks where was I! And yes, P. will do that!....

Just tell "P" that circumstances prohibited you from attending in person, but you were there in spirit. Definitely send a nice hand-written note to immediate family. If they've set up a virtual internet guest book, make an entry there, too. Look at the obituary and see if they preferred donations to XYZ in lieu of flowers. Even a five dollar donation will (should) be shared with the family, not disclosing the dollar amount.

You don't need to give anyone a laundry list of why you couldn't attend a friend's funeral, let alone frame them as "valid" reasons. No one can make you feel "guilty" without your permission.

[Ominous Gamer]

Don't hassle yourself for the dead. They're dead, they don't give a fuck. Pay your respects in your own way, on your own time.

[Hazir]

Funerals are fir the living, not for the dead. Your friend knew the value of your relationship, you will have to decide for yourself how important your relationship with "P" is. Your friend is as far away As he is whether you are in Wyoming or next to his grave.