Facebook Parenting

[Veldan Rath]

Have you dealt with 15 yr olds lately? For more than a couple of days?

[Ominous Gamer]

Was it a gift or wasn't it??

I don't think it matters if she saved up gift cards, if it was bought with allowance, or if the parents bought it and gave it to her. Its technically hers either way.

Of course, its the same as buying your daughter a Nerf Thor Hammer one day and then having to take it away after a few days because all she does with it is attempt to beat the living hell out of everyone, ignoring every attempt you've made to make her stop.

It was hers, but then she lost it, because she didn't learn the appropriate way to use it. Now its mine...I mean garbage.

[Aimless]

Have you dealt with 15 yr olds lately? For more than a couple of days?

I've dealt with several 15-year-olds, both recently and before. Some of them are mentally ill, others are just misguided and unhappy In retrospect, I myself was very difficult at most ages. In over a decade of trying, my dad never got anywhere good trying to "raise" me. My mum did far more for my personal development and happiness in just half a year--like she has for other kids--and what I've learned from her behaviour has helped me with the kids I've had occasion to mentor/guide in some form or another. There are many ways to deal with people and with problems man. I reckon much of the time our preferences wrt methods are about dealing with ourselves rather than about the people or problems before us. cheers

[Loki]

Which was the original complaint against you. Your usual attempt to over-exaggerate simple facts.

I was basing this on her earlier 3-month grounding, when she lost access to her cell phone as well.

The age has already been shown to be a moot point. See: 15 going on 16. I was making well over $5 an hour a decade ago when I was 16. Even if it was $5 an hour, at $50 (or $40) a week. My notebook cost me $200 new. Thats barely over a month of saving.

Good for you. Other people think that children should spend more time playing and being kids than working.

which doesn't support soley your interpretation

Yes, it does. He clearly says that she buys her big-ticket items with money she is given or provided as gifts. Do you take away gifts from people because they misbehave after the fact?

You've yet to solidify this claim with knowledge or facts

You've yet to demonstrate that you're anything but a partisan troll.

[Aimless]

It was hers, but then she lost it, because she didn't learn the appropriate way to use it. Now its mine...I mean garbage.

A nerf thor hammer has only one or two purposes, a laptop has many. Venting on facebook is one of them, although, funny thing, it's not actually necessary for using facebook. Please don't pretend that shooting the laptop was about anything than punishment, revenge, emotional release and personal gratification. Way to appreciate the value of things, destroying a useful tool. What, he couldn't have sold it? Donated it? Maybe to his favoured charity the MDA? Pff. The guy reacted poorly, but hopefully they'll sort things out

[Aimless]

Other people think that children should spend more time playing and being kids than working.

Well they're idiots. Kids should spend more time reading fantasy

[Loki]

It was hers, but then she lost it, because she didn't learn the appropriate way to use it. Now its mine...I mean garbage.

What a valuable life lesson that is. Maybe we should do that to you. We can start by taking away your computer for a year every time you troll on an internet forum.

The proportional punishment here would be to either block Facebook for an extended period of time or to remove access to a computer for perhaps a month (if you really want to make it hurt, take it away during a vacation). You're basically advocating the death penalty for stealing toothpaste. And you're doing it for a 15-year-old who society does not consider to be fully responsible for their actions.

And this punishment should be done in tandem with a series of conservations where you try to find out just why the child is so resistant to doing her chores and convince her that she's wrong. If you have a good relationship with your child, this really isn't as hard as it sounds.

[Loki]

There are many ways to deal with people and with problems man. I reckon much of the time our preferences wrt methods are about dealing with ourselves rather than about the people or problems before us. cheers

Ditto. Most people I come across who support these kind of punishments are those who were punished the same way by their parents and claim "they turned out fine". Well you know what? No, they didn't turn out fine. They think psychological or physical violence is the way to deal with problems, and that overreaction and vindictiveness are proper emotional responses.

[Nessus]

Ditto. Most people I come across who support these kind of punishments are those who were punished the same way by their parents and claim "they turned out fine".

Oh boy, are we gonna have a spanking thread? Those things are awesome

[Ominous Gamer]

I was basing this on her earlier 3-month grounding, when she lost access to her cell phone as well.

so a previous unknown punishment resulting in no cell phone = hands being cut off? or does it equal no use of technology?
cause neither claim can be backed up with anything said in the video

Good for you. Other people think that children should spend more time playing and being kids than working.

First you claim 10-12 year olds are teens, now you claim 15-16 year olds are children.
Talk about trolling.

Yes, it does. He clearly says that she buys her big-ticket items with money she is given or provided as gifts. Do you take away gifts from people because they misbehave after the fact?

um, yes. As I said above. If you don't know how to use it, you lose it.
Government holds a similiar stance when it comes to such things as well, including computers.

A nerf thor hammer has only one or two purposes, a laptop has many. Venting on facebook is one of them, although, funny thing, it's not actually necessary for using facebook. Please don't pretend that shooting the laptop was about anything than punishment, revenge, emotional release and personal gratification. Way to appreciate the value of things, destroying a useful tool. What, he couldn't have sold it? Donated it? Maybe to his favoured charity the MDA? Pff. The guy reacted poorly, but hopefully they'll sort things out

The video doesn't make mention of how well this family is connected technology wise, but I highly doubt a family with an IT dad would only be using a single daughter's laptop, so I'm not worried about the daughter not being able to use a computer to complete important tasks. The laptop may have very well been considered a toy by the parents, much like a nerf hammer is. Toys to play with. Not instruments to hurt people with, especially after being warned. Brent has a laptop, and I wouldn't question myself at all if I had to take it away from him for bullying or attacking class mates or family with it. Is he going to suffer a lower quality of life? No, cause we still have several desktops (one thats in his room) and other laptops. His laptop was his toy, nothing more, and he treats it as such.

I've already stated my opinion about wasting a laptop, and that its good he got some parenting counseling. The destruction wasn't the over the line action here. It was the humilation that came with sharing the video. But I also think this is an important lesson, and not nearly as doom and gloom as Loki likes to favor for such things.

[Loki]

I find it amusing that you take the same line toward children who misbehave that Lewk does toward adult criminals. But after all, I'm sure you turned out fine. Especially since you seem to think a parent being "disrespected" is worse than a child committing a crime. Wouldn't want anyone to hurt your ego, especially someone smaller than you.

[Ominous Gamer]

I find it amusing that you take the same line toward children who misbehave that Lewk does toward adult criminals. But after all, I'm sure you turned out fine.

You'll likely scoff at this and reply with another halfwitted insult, but my parenting techniques don't come from my parents, and its sadly not something I was able to wean myself into. Most of how I raise our children comes from my developement classes in college, and the continued research I do at work thanks to game sites being blocked. Since thats pretty much my life now. preteens and video games.

I look back on my childhood and sure I see some stuff my parents did right (who doesn't?), but I see plenty that I understood could have been better handled, especially with my sister.

[Ominous Gamer]

then she lost it, because she didn't learn the appropriate way to use it.

You're basically advocating the death penalty for stealing toothpaste.

This is going to ruin my previous complaint, but you're a fucking idiot.

[oldmunchkin]

Ditto. Most people I come across who support these kind of punishments are those who were punished the same way by their parents and claim "they turned out fine". Well you know what? No, they didn't turn out fine. They think psychological or physical violence is the way to deal with problems, and that overreaction and vindictiveness are proper emotional responses.

I know you all think I'm a neanderthal when it comes to this kind of stuff but...My Dad would have shot the computer AND kicked my ass! Did I grow up to be " They think psychological or physical violence is the way to deal with problems, and that overreaction and vindictiveness are proper emotional responses." this way? I don't think so!

Curious question; what IS the proper emotional response?

[GGT]

Facebook sucks. It's become more like "reality TV", or the place to go for internet gossip. There's so much shit on there I discouraged my kids from having an account until they were old enough to either have a job (14), a learner's permit (16) or shave. It didn't take them too long to figure out why.

[oldmunchkin]

Facebook sucks. It's become more like "reality TV", or the place to go for internet gossip. There's so much shit on there I discouraged my kids from having an account until they were old enough to either have a job (14), a learner's permit (16) or shave. It didn't take them too long to figure out why.

Sure, Facebook is kinda like old ladies gossiping BUT...I have connected again with friends I haven't seen or talked to in almost 30 years! Finding Bill again was worth it all! Then tonight, at his step-dad's 80th birthday party, I got to take some time and visit with him and meet his wife!

PS: GGT...turn on your MSN!!

[GGT]

Sure, Facebook is kinda like old ladies gossiping BUT...I have connected again with friends I haven't seen or talked to in almost 30 years! Finding Bill again was worth it all! Then tonight, at his step-dad's 80th birthday party, I got to take some time and visit with him and meet his wife!

If you haven't seen or talked to "friends" in 30 years, what's that say about your "friendship"? And why would you want to visit 30 years later with someone at their step-father's b-day party...via Facebook? It's all virtual, y'know.

[oldmunchkin]

Ya know...I left high school 32 years ago...and I haven't seen Bill since I quit! His step-brother and I are really good friends too, along with his step-dad! We just kinda fell outta touch over the years. It happens, ya know! And we talked "in person" not online tonight! Lets see...you tell me...how many people were friends back in high school that you would be delighted to see today? Or maybe it's just a small town thing...people go away to pursue their careers. Who knows, maybe where you graduated no one has drifted away that you regret the closeness you had then!

[GGT]

If we drifted away there was probably good reason. No, it's not a "small town thing". Chances are, if we wanted to keep in touch, we would have. Facebook didn't invent that ability.

[oldmunchkin]

Are you actually gonna tell me that there isn't one person you regret losing touch with?

[Aimless]

Ya can't talk to GGT about these things.

My mum's been very happy with facebook. She's managed to reconnect with a lot of people in Bangladesh that she'd lost touch with, and now she can sit at her computer in Sweden and feel like she's still connected to and up to date with people and events At Home. Thanks to facebook and skype the barriers to interaction are lower than ever, it's wonderful