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Thread: I may have to become a Vikings fan

  1. #1

    Default I may have to become a Vikings fan

    So two weeks ago some Democratic apparatchik in Maryland took exception to a player on the Baltimore Ravens endorsing and campaigning for a same-sex marriage proposition over there, calling on the team organization to muzzle him. Last week the Viking's punter had this to say in response

    Dear Emmett C. Burns Jr.,
    I find it inconceivable that you are an elected official of Maryland's state government. Your vitriolic hatred and bigotry make me ashamed and disgusted to think that you are in any way responsible for shaping policy at any level. The views you espouse neglect to consider several fundamental key points, which I will outline in great detail (you may want to hire an intern to help you with the longer words):
    1. As I suspect you have not read the Constitution, I would like to remind you that the very first, the VERY FIRST Amendment in this founding document deals with the freedom of speech, particularly the abridgment of said freedom. By using your position as an elected official (when referring to your constituents so as to implicitly threaten the Ravens organization) to state that the Ravens should "inhibit such expressions from your employees," more specifically Brendon Ayanbadejo, not only are you clearly violating the First Amendment, you also come across as a narcissistic fromunda stain. What on earth would possess you to be so mind-boggingly stupid? It baffles me that a man such as yourself, a man who relies on that same First Amendment to pursue your own religious studies without fear of persecution from the state, could somehow justify stifling another person's right to speech. To call that hypocritical would be to do a disservice to the word. Mindfucking obscenely hypocritical starts to approach it a little bit.
    2. "Many of your fans are opposed to such a view and feel it has no place in a sport that is strictly for pride, entertainment, and excitement." Holy fucking shitballs. Did you seriously just say that, as someone who's "deeply involved in government task forces on the legacy of slavery in Maryland"? Have you not heard of Kenny Washington? Jackie Robinson? As recently as 1962 the NFL still had segregation, which was only done away with by brave athletes and coaches daring to speak their mind and do the right thing, and you're going to say that political views have "no place in a sport"? I can't even begin to fathom the cognitive dissonance that must be coursing through your rapidly addled mind right now; the mental gymnastics your brain has to tortuously contort itself through to make such a preposterous statement are surely worthy of an Olympic gold medal (the Russian judge gives you a 10 for "beautiful oppressionism").
    3. This is more a personal quibble of mine, but why do you hate freedom? Why do you hate the fact that other people want a chance to live their lives and be happy, even though they may believe in something different than you, or act different than you? How does gay marriage, in any way shape or form, affect your life? If gay marriage becomes legal, are you worried that all of a sudden you'll start thinking about penis? "Oh shit. Gay marriage just passed. Gotta get me some of that hot dong action!" Will all of your friends suddenly turn gay and refuse to come to your Sunday Ticket grill-outs? (Unlikely, since gay people enjoy watching football too.)
    I can assure you that gay people getting married will have zero effect on your life. They won't come into your house and steal your children. They won't magically turn you into a lustful cockmonster. They won't even overthrow the government in an orgy of hedonistic debauchery because all of a sudden they have the same legal rights as the other 90 percent of our population—rights like Social Security benefits, child care tax credits, Family and Medical Leave to take care of loved ones, and COBRA healthcare for spouses and children. You know what having these rights will make gays? Full-fledged American citizens just like everyone else, with the freedom to pursue happiness and all that entails. Do the civil-rights struggles of the past 200 years mean absolutely nothing to you?
    In closing, I would like to say that I hope this letter, in some small way, causes you to reflect upon the magnitude of the colossal foot in mouth clusterfuck you so brazenly unleashed on a man whose only crime was speaking out for something he believed in. Best of luck in the next election; I'm fairly certain you might need it.
    Sincerely,
    Chris Kluwe
    P.S. I've also been vocal as hell about the issue of gay marriage so you can take your "I know of no other NFL player who has done what Mr. Ayanbadejo is doing" and shove it in your close-minded, totally lacking in empathy piehole and choke on it. Asshole.
    Deadspin blog
    Last night as I lay in bed, looking up at the stars, I thought, “Where the hell is my ceiling?"

  2. #2
    I like it. We need more people to speak out against this kind of bigotry with more force; this kind of force. Looking at the state of some of these morons today, I often wonder why more people haven't spoken out like this.
    Praise the man who seeks the truth, but run from the one who has found it.

  3. #3
    Quote Originally Posted by LittleFuzzy View Post
    So two weeks ago some Democratic apparatchik in Maryland took exception to a player on the Baltimore Ravens endorsing and campaigning for a same-sex marriage proposition over there, calling on the team organization to muzzle him. Last week the Viking's punter had this to say in response

    Deadspin blog
    I'm not sure about the Vikings, but Kluwe just went up several notches in my book.

  4. #4
    I was listening to PRI (public radio international) earlier this evening, and this is one of the stories they'd been following and updating. They shared reader comments on-air -- one of the best was from a guy who admitted to being a sports fan who'd "always thought of football players as meatheads until now". Until now.

  5. #5
    Quote Originally Posted by GGT View Post
    I was listening to PRI (public radio international) earlier this evening, and this is one of the stories they'd been following and updating. They shared reader comments on-air -- one of the best was from a guy who admitted to being a sports fan who'd "always thought of football players as meatheads until now". Until now.
    All NFL players are college educated. You'd think a good proportion of them are actually quite smart.
    How do you expect to run with the wolves at night when you spend all day sparring with the puppies?

    - Omar Little

  6. #6
    Quote Originally Posted by DecoyMilk View Post
    All NFL players are college educated. You'd think a good proportion of them are actually quite smart.
    Riiight.

  7. #7
    Punters aren't exactly your stereotypical football player.
    Hope is the denial of reality

  8. #8
    Lustful cockmonster is my new favorite descriptive phrase

  9. #9
    Absolutely brilliant
    Quote Originally Posted by Ominous Gamer View Post
    ℬeing upset is understandable, but be upset at yourself for poor planning, not at the world by acting like a spoiled bitch during an interview.

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