They shouldn't be different when it comes to defining civil rights.
Gender has been an issue for generations (at least from womens' perspectives) for property, voting, marital, sexual and reproductive rights. You may not agree with me, but it's not "wrong" to see sexuality issues as extensions of gender issues, and religious-based ideology, that's entrenched in political/power structures (read white, male, Christian dominated).
Sexuality issues aren't "new" either, we've just been slow to modernize laws to match cultural realities, with acceptance of anything non-heterosexual.
The federal government recognizes "marriage" as a civil right....but it's
states that have the power to define and regulate "marriage". Can you think of any other civil right that should vary so widely between states....or be on ballot initiatives to
vote the discrimination?
What's the NYT got to do with this? You're using the paranoid "slippery slope" argument, as if marriage equality (between
two people of the same gender) will lead to bestiality, NAMBLA, or harems....social decay and loss of Traditional Family Values. OMG what's next? Gay couples wanting to use IVF or surrogates...or *gasp* adopt children?