Oh god, will you put a sock in it? Merkel has explicity told the people you hope to influence her on your behalf that they shouldn't even try. And the main representatives already reacted to that saying the whole idea that they value the British market more than the EU27 was ridiculous. That whole 'we buy their BMW's isn't going to make any difference.
It will be a bloody miracle if there is a deal at all with fuckwads like Bojo the Clown talking on your behalf. You have to live in an alternative reality where the British Empire didn't disappear to believe it's actually going to be a good deal. It's going to be a bad deal, the main difference for both sides being that it will be merely be bad for us and incredibly bad for you.
The alternative of a fullblown trade war is the most likely outcome of this mess.