I have OCD. First symptoms surfaced when I was about 3 years old, and my parents thought it was "cute" that my Pooh Bear had to be in a certain place on my bed. They thought it was great that I was neat and tidy. Always made my bed, never had clothes or toys thrown around the floor. My teachers thought I was organized and studious, all my papers and books were "in order".

What they didn't know, and I didn't know, was how exhausting these rituals could become. When I was younger it could be channeled into specific activities that required a certain degree of obsession/compulsion (repetition) for success. That's why I excelled at competitive swimming; following the underwater black line, chasing the lead swimmer, counting, timing everything.

But I was still haunted by inexplicable compulsions (breathe only on even-numbered strokes, make only right-sided turns, back-strokes from flag to wall should be even-numbered, etc.) Even singing a song in my head meant stanzas should coincide with laps. And my bedsheets at home should be aligned and even, too!

I used to play a mind game where every sentence had to be "even", and I used to count words, even letters within a word. If things came out odd (uneven) I might add punctuation to make it feel better.

Just today, I used a pet brush to comb the tassles on my oriental rug, and make the strings lay straight....because it was causing me anxiety to see them twisted and jumbled. I knew it was "crazy" but I couldn't ignore it. Hanging pictures has been a small nightmare because the floors and ceilings in my apartment aren't level or plumb, so nothing looks even. I'm constantly moving things up/down, right/left, in increments.

My OCD makes it hard to feel comfortable in a world that's already out of whack. What about you?