Abusers often play the victim, and they can certainly have these traits. They can be extremely manipulative not only against their victims but also in their interactions with friends, family, officials etc. Nevertheless, I strongly oppose using this sort of criteria to determine who is a "real victim" and who isn't. It seems like an appropriate heuristic, but the truth is that some of what this person describes is simply what you might see also from a victim with a personality disorder or just a generally messed up behavior. I say this based on anecdotal evidence from my own patients: this heuristic might identify disordered behavior, but it is not a good way to distinguish real victims from fake ones. Nor is the framing accurate: while most victims of domestic violence are indeed women, when it comes to abusive relationships in general, many men are also victims. Most importantly, in many of these relationships, both partners act as both abuser and victim. For most of us, we have neither the need nor the authority to adjudicate the legitimacy of a person's claim to victimhood. If we can help a victim of abuse, we should, and we should do so without requiring an enemy to side against. Just try to be on the lookout for malevolent manipulation. You can use these criteria to identify those who are simply too unpleasant to get involved with, but I don't recommend using them to infer any other firm truths about people.Originally Posted by Steely Glint
Just an aside. Not all dicks etc.
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