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Thread: Why don't women report losing their virginity?

  1. #1
    SEÑOR Member Aimless's Avatar
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    Default Why don't women report losing their virginity?

    https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2018...ons-kavanaugh/

    The Kavanaugh business has highlighted just how impervious certain groups are to facts about sexual assault. They live in a different world cut off from the real one, a world where only black men and Muslim men rape women, where men aren't raped, where real victims promptly report being assaulted and where armies of women falsely accuse innocent white dudes for partisan gain. The vast majority of us know this is bullshit, but even then the true extent of these problems may be hard to appreciate. We assume we know what rape is and just go on from there.

    But does everyone know what rape is? Have they always? I thought we'd made some progress, but the kinds of stories shared in this article remain common, and what disturbs me greatly is that, although most teens today appear to understand consent far better than many of their parents, there's still a widespread belief among teens that alcohol and exposure to "risk" somehow fundamentally change the nature of the consent problem. The only good thing about this stomach-turning affair is that it might energize the conversation among teens and help them come to a new consensus.
    “Humanity's greatest advances are not in its discoveries, but in how those discoveries are applied to reduce inequity.”
    — Bill Gates

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    SEÑOR Member Aimless's Avatar
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    “Humanity's greatest advances are not in its discoveries, but in how those discoveries are applied to reduce inequity.”
    — Bill Gates

  3. #3
    SEÑOR Member Aimless's Avatar
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    The privilege of not having to know:

    https://www.washingtonpost.com/ampht...e17_story.html
    “Humanity's greatest advances are not in its discoveries, but in how those discoveries are applied to reduce inequity.”
    — Bill Gates

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    Senior Member GGT's Avatar
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    This is a gut-wrenching, pivotal time in US culture. I understand the arc of justice is long, but it really disturbs me when we repeat mistakes of the past (like victim shaming), but expect different outcomes.

    Was I lucky to have a father who raised me with a suspicion of pubescent boys ("they're only thinking of sex"), and warned me that parties involving intoxicants (beer, wine, spirits, pot) might put me in a vulnerable position? Or was it unfortunate that he didn't have a son, and couldn't teach self-control and 'gentlemanly' behavior to a boy?

    My dad was pretty old school, and didn't like the cultural changes of the 60's or 70's. He didn't like his young daughters wearing bikini swim suits, halter tops, tube tops, mini-skirts, or midriff jeans. It took me a long time to realize that was because he didn't trust his fellow males, who'd use that as an excuse to abuse or exploit us as girls/young women. (He was also a racist, but that's another example of his white male mindset that was very common at that time.)

    I don't know any woman who doesn't have a personal experience with sexual discrimination, harassment, assault or abuse. They're not all the same type of trauma, of course, but they're all very real and traumatic. And most have never told their best friends or families, let alone reported it to authorities. It's a vicious cycle that needs to broken, long time coming....

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    Quote Originally Posted by Aimless View Post
    https://www.vanityfair.com/news/2018...ons-kavanaugh/

    The Kavanaugh business has highlighted just how impervious certain groups are to facts about sexual assault. They live in a different world cut off from the real one, a world where only black men and Muslim men rape women, where men aren't raped, where real victims promptly report being assaulted and where armies of women falsely accuse innocent white dudes for partisan gain. The vast majority of us know this is bullshit, but even then the true extent of these problems may be hard to appreciate. We assume we know what rape is and just go on from there.

    But does everyone know what rape is? Have they always? I thought we'd made some progress, but the kinds of stories shared in this article remain common, and what disturbs me greatly is that, although most teens today appear to understand consent far better than many of their parents, there's still a widespread belief among teens that alcohol and exposure to "risk" somehow fundamentally change the nature of the consent problem. The only good thing about this stomach-turning affair is that it might energize the conversation among teens and help them come to a new consensus.
    Apparently the future:

    https://www.telegraph.co.uk/news/201...-consent-apps/

    Though of course feminists are already complaining about it.

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    Senior Member GGT's Avatar
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    yeah, those damn "feminists", huh

  7. #7
    Administrator Dreadnaught's Avatar
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    Is this a continuation of the "life is a continuation of high school" mode of thinking?

    If we pull out of the supreme court debate and assume everything in the articles is true, it's interesting that today's generation of Amerikan kids is so averse to sex, drinking and drugs (but not Juul).

    It's not like parents who grew up in the 1980s are telling their kids to drink and fuck. What changed and how was it communicated to today's youths?

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    Senior Member GGT's Avatar
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    What changed? Better understandings of inappropriate behavior and consentual sex. Particularly when alcohol is involved, but also among power imbalances. People breaking the vicious cycle of silence is the biggest change, though.

    Today's youth is not averse to sex, drinking or drugs (where'd you get that idea?) but they were raised with an awareness of "good touch/bad touch" from a young age (to protect against pedophiles, predatory priests). In later years that meant teaching/learning that groping is unacceptable, not even for "dirty old men who mean no harm" when they peer down your blouse or up your skirt, put their hand on your breast during a hug, or pinch your butt when you walk by.

    And don't forget changes defining "date rape". Attitudes toward consent were different (ie misunderstood) and it used to be considered 'acceptable' to get a girl drunk and have sex. NO didn't really mean NO, or she never said NO or stop (because she was in a drunken stupor)....and if she complained or reported it to authorities, it was challenged as regret for bad sex.

    Another thing that's changed are yearbooks and bragging about disgusting behavior in print. "No means yes and yes means anal!" would never be allowed or laughed off as harmless boy banter these days. About damn time.

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