Parenting & Social Media

[GGT]

We've all read about the negative influences social media can have on children, especially their mental health. I'm curious how parents (or anyone who works with kids) are navigating this new childhood development variable.

What are your ground rules or limits, and how do you enforce them? Do you base the rules on age or maturity or something else? Does knowing what your kid is doing on-line and on their devices help keep them safe -- or are they always one step ahead at being more tech savvy than you, and therefore still not safe?

I can't imagine how hard this must be for parents to figure out, sort of on-the-fly, since tech changes so fast. (see TikTok)

Kudos to Finland for actually *teaching* elementary students how to identify misinformation/disinformation online and in social media, as part of critical thinking skills. The US is too busy banning books and whitewashing history to be so pragmatic.

[Aimless]

Though my daughter's already a viral sensation, she has no social media presence I expect that'll change shortly after she starts school, in 3-4 years' time, since almost everything people do online has some sort of social media element these days. As smart and fiercely independent as she is, I don't think detailed surveillance and unyielding digital restrictions will be viable for very long—it seems the best we can do is to make sure there's mutual respect, trust, and openness. That said, I think it's reasonable to expect younger kids to be transparent about their online activity—platforms, accounts, groups, messages, etc.

It's difficult but not impossible for us fogeys to stay on top of developments in social media, and both kids as well as those who routinely interact with them have the ability to reflect (sensibly) on what goes on in that world. Think we can do a lot more to enable and encourage that reflection, which would, I think, improve their resilience against several of the most prominent risks that come with being social media natives. Many of the students I mentor are just barely outta high school, and something that's struck me about people in that age-group is a steadily increasing aversion towards reflection. But I also know teachers who work very hard to nurture that ability in their students, and I have a fair bit of faith in that work.

It occurs to me that many people who're older than the first zoomers still instinctively think and speak of social media as being a distinct sphere of human experience separate from the "real" world. But, for younger zoomers, social media and meatlife blend together more-or-less seamlessly. Activity closer to the social media end of the spectrum is different from activity closer to the meatlife end, but they're the same people, largely doing the same type of thing. We can interface with—and influence—their social media life from our end the same way parents have always safeguarded their kids' social lives outside the home—open communication, good relationships with friends and their parents, supporting "healthy" activities, modeling desirable behavior, etc. Seen a lot of GenX and millennial parents trying to keep their kids "safe" by obsessively trying to optimize their journey through life in various ways, and I don't think it's really working. We need to step back a little.

[Ominous Gamer]

There's a lot I want to unload here for how we do and don't police social media but I wanted to drop my experience today real quick.

Nickelodeon used to have a show for kids were the kids would get slimed in front of an audience. One of these shows used to be filmed at Universal Studios. In 94 I was one of those kids that got slimed, but someone messed up and slimed me with the hot mixture. So when they shoved the mic in my face asking how it felt all I did was scream that it was hot.

That was 26 years ago

Well today, the guy who made the slime from that filming shared that story on TikTok, and it made it's way back to me. So my experience is going semi-viral because of someone telling a super old story, and now a bunch of people want me to do a TikTok about my side of what happened (honestly it's very anti-climatic) and it's very surreal how this is unfolding and I did nothing.

[Wraith]

You have to do it. I've already started telling everyone that I know a TikTok celebrity.

[wiggin]

We've all read about the negative influences social media can have on children, especially their mental health. I'm curious how parents (or anyone who works with kids) are navigating this new childhood development variable.

What are your ground rules or limits, and how do you enforce them? Do you base the rules on age or maturity or something else? Does knowing what your kid is doing on-line and on their devices help keep them safe -- or are they always one step ahead at being more tech savvy than you, and therefore still not safe?

I can't imagine how hard this must be for parents to figure out, sort of on-the-fly, since tech changes so fast. (see TikTok)

Kudos to Finland for actually *teaching* elementary students how to identify misinformation/disinformation online and in social media, as part of critical thinking skills. The US is too busy banning books and whitewashing history to be so pragmatic.

My kids are pretty young so don't have much exposure to social media. My 8 year old does have an iPad now, but it's only set up to call or send messages to immediate family members. Frankly, we have her using electronics *way* less than I did at a similar age. She uses tablets in school and in her coding class, and she gets an hour or two on weekends when she generally uses it for art or building 'games' on Scratch Jr. She also uses it for duolingo on occasion, which is the closest she gets to a game. My 4 year old only doesn't do any of this, he occasionally gets to see a video or movie but that's it. Our kids are in school for ~10 hours a day so they don't have any home electronics time during the week, and we have a strict no electronics rule (for parents as well) for half of the weekend; they don't really miss it much.

I imagine she'll start eventually wanting to chat with friends, but frankly we won't open it up until she asks. And even then, we plan on discussing the usual stuff (how algorithms work, how people present a carefully crafted persona/life on social media, not sharing personal information, etc.). But honestly I think the biggest thing we're teaching her are skills that have applied long before social media was a thing - things like having empathy, and dealing with bullies, and building community, and treating people with kindness, and the dangers of talking about others without their knowledge. Those are skills that are quite transferable to social media.

I imagine things will get a lot more complex by high school, but we have time to give her the right tools to handle challenges by then.

There's a lot I want to unload here for how we do and don't police social media but I wanted to drop my experience today real quick.

Nickelodeon used to have a show for kids were the kids would get slimed in front of an audience. One of these shows used to be filmed at Universal Studios. In 94 I was one of those kids that got slimed, but someone messed up and slimed me with the hot mixture. So when they shoved the mic in my face asking how it felt all I did was scream that it was hot.

That was 26 years ago

Well today, the guy who made the slime from that filming shared that story on TikTok, and it made it's way back to me. So my experience is going semi-viral because of someone telling a super old story, and now a bunch of people want me to do a TikTok about my side of what happened (honestly it's very anti-climatic) and it's very surreal how this is unfolding and I did nothing.

I guess you're famous now? I can tell me people I knew you back when you were a mild mannered librarian.

[Ominous Gamer]

You have to do it. I've already started telling everyone that I know a TikTok celebrity.

https://www.tiktok.com/t/ZTRp5vA6n/

The internet is a weird and beautiful thing

[Wraith]

Alright, I've now told everybody that I know the wrong bucket guy. If anybody asks, I was best man at your wedding. The toast was beautiful.

I swear if you don't just go with it I'll write a tell-all book.

[GGT]

OG is famous now

But seriously, I think it's a bit creepy that a story can 'find' you 26 yrs later....which is one of the things that's bugged me about photo sharing on social media. With the culture of selfies and glam posing (with tutorials and even special equipment) to get likes and shares, and young kids wanting to become Influencers -- it seems a lot of kids are too trusting, or don't have many parental guidelines, or parents are too trusting of site moderation, or all of the above?

For example, the Idaho college students' <alleged> murderer started by following one on social media, which turned into stalking, and driving across state lines to see where she worked. No fancy geo-locating is necessary when everything is posted for public consumption. Pedophiles, sex traffickers, human traffickers, drug dealers, romance scammers and con artists seem to find an endless supply of vulnerable victims on social media. It's actually big business for cartels, not to mention international troll farms peddling political misinformation (kompromat).

I have mixed feelings about all the digitized photo/image sharing on social media, especially when it concerns minor children. Since algorithms are collecting all this data, and facial recognition software is being used, and it can never be deleted, it seems to me that AI has the upper hand. Sharing baby photos on Facebook, kids cooking in the kitchen on Instagram, or dance moves with grandma on TikTok may not be innocent fun after all?

[Hazir]

Since I got to know tiktok, I am not so certain about social media being the right thing for adults.