Wedding planning

[RandBlade]

Looking at planning our wedding for Sping 2013. By default we thought a Saturday would make sense, so the date of 27/4 is our first thought.

Considering making it mid-week though, the venue we're looking at could be thousands cheaper if we go mid-week.

My family are mainly either retired, self-employed or have flexible working. My nan was a teacher that continued to work after retirement as supply teachers but she's fully retired now. Amanda's family all live overseas so will be here on holiday for a period of time anyway so it doesn't make much difference for them. I have a few friends who work traditional Mon-Fri jobs but I think with 2 years notice of the date they should hopefully be able to arrange to have that date off.

Personally I work in a business that runs 7 days a week so for me Saturday is "just another day of the week", so my views may be different to others.

Anyone have any experience with a decision like that? It seems a bit of a gamble to move it to mid-week but the costs for this one day look like being extraordinairy (I'd heard they're not cheap) so if we can save money there it looks sensible. I'd hate for people not to be able to come due to commitments though.

[Loki]

I think that's a sensible thing to do. I'm sure any close relative would be willing to take one day off. Out of curiosity, why Spring 2013?

At least you don't have to deal with one party needing to get a visa before you could set the date.

[RandBlade]

Oops, just realised I posted this in the serious forum, rather than General Discussion. Moved.

We need a long engagement both to save (we're paying for this ourselves, not asking anyone else to and we want it to be nice), but also to organise it since her family live overseas. We were already planning on visiting her parents in Canada for Christmas 2012 anyway. Her dress will be made by her mother, who used to be a seamstress. So we want it to be after the visit to Canada in Dec '12/Jan'13 so that means 2013 is earliest date. She wants it in the Spring, so Spring 2013 it is.

Some of her family may need to get a visa. Not her direct family, but some friends and extended family might. She was born and grew up in South Africa but her father is Scottish so she has a UK Passport and moved to the UK. Her direct family moved to Canada afterwards, but some of her extended family have moved to Australia and some remain in SA and not all of them have a British passport.

[Hazir]

You're giving two year's notice. Anybody claiming he can't come doesn't want to come.

[littlelolligagged]

I agree with Hazir.

And there's no particular reason why it shouldn't be during the week, anyway.

[Being]

How long after the wedding before you move to Canada, eh?

[Draco]

You're giving two year's notice. Anybody claiming he can't come doesn't want to come.

Yeah but you don't know what may come up in 2 years time.

[Dreadnaught]

A friend of mine recently sent me a one-year-in-advance invitation.

If you can't afford the weekend wedding, by all means you're giving plenty of notice. But just keep in mind that most people are disorganized, and most people have no idea what's happening two years from now. They often don't know what their obligations are until a few weeks/months out.

No matter how you'll do it, you'll still need to figure out a way to send reminders closer to the date so people can plan ahead. Because while people will say they're free, if they aren't reminded they will forget that they have to stay free on that date.

Also, umm, am I crazy or is this total news that you're engaged? Tell us how it happened!

[Being]

Also, umm, am I crazy or is this total news that you're engaged? Tell us how it happened!

Do you consider it beneath you to use the search function?

[Dreadnaught]

No, last I heard he was buying a house with her without being engaged which I advised him against. That was a while ago. Unless he buried the post somewhere that I missed, I think this is the first we've heard of it.

[Being]

Here's a recap,

Just bought an engagement ring

Plan to ask her on Sunday or Monday.

Have next week already off as a mini holiday. She bought us tickets to Edinburgh for my Valentine's Present for the middle of next week and we're taking the whole of next week off.

She said yes!

The question is, why'd it get pushed out two years?

[oldmunchkin]

He posted it in the "What's Making You Happy" thread a few days ago!

[Dreadnaught]

I don't read those threads, they are too massive. Stuff like that deserves its own thread.

[Being]

I don't read those threads, they are too massive.

Loser.

[littlelolligagged]

This is me, pretending I quoted Dread.

And now for my answer...

Size matters. And, in this case bigger is better. Well, in most cases actually.

(I may have misquoted Vala, I'm not positive and too lazy to check)

[Dreadnaught]

That's why we all have massive dicks instead of massive threads.

Or something.

What?

[Draco]

He posted it in the "What's Making You Happy" thread a few days ago!

In that case, congratulations Rand!

[Being]

That's why we all have massive dicks instead of massive threads.

Or something.

What?

By we, I assume you are talking about you and your girlfriends.

[Dreadnaught]

Word. Back on subject...

[Loki]

I don't read those threads, they are too massive. Stuff like that deserves its own thread.

You want a thread for every person here who gets engaged?

[Being]

Word.

There is not one red-headed jew in the world that would have uttered that.

[RandBlade]

Yes we're engaged, put it in the Happy thread but I too miss most of what goes into those behemoths.

Delaying it 2 years so we can afford it (it'll be expensive and we're paying not asking for any help off parents) but more importantly due to her family being overseas.

Loki, I don't see why not have a thread for everyone - it's not like we have ten thousand members doing it all the time.

Thanks for the congratulations.

[Timbuk2]

Given the reasons you posted, mid-week sounds completely sensible.

[Dreadnaught]

You want a thread for every person here who gets engaged?

Damn straight.

[Aimless]

How long do you have to wait for surgery on the NHS?

PS. Congrats may you have 17 billion cute descendants and also a few that take after you you sneaky bastard trying to fly this under the radar...

[wiggin]

First off, RB, congrats! I rarely follow such threads in GC so it's good to hear of it here.

Secondly, having longer to plan is always good. We had about 6 months between popping the question and the wedding, and it definitely was a bit tight on timing. There are a lot of details that are a serious headache to figure out - since you and Amanda are doing all of the planning on your own, take your time and stay organized.

Thirdly, do your wedding however you want it, including date. My wife and I did things differently - we didn't really care about the party or anything else too much, but her parents did most of the planning and ended up having 'their' party. We were fine with that, but if you guys want to actually have a wedding for you, choose the timing and everything else according to what makes sense. It doesn't sound like a weekday wedding will seriously inconvenience many people, though you should be prepared for at least a few people not being able to make it (or having to cancel at last minute due to an unforeseen problem with work).

In a similar vein, I think expense is a pretty important limiting factor here. Most people (at least in the US) spend a fantastic sum of money on a wedding - easily $20-30k just on the room and food, not to mention things like music, the ceremony, alcohol, clothing, flowers, invitations, etc, etc. If you can economize at all without detracting from what you two want, I'd say you should go for it. Our wedding easily cost twice what the wife and I would have spent had we been making the decisions on our own. There are a lot of ways to keep costs down without detracting from the experience; obviously you'll have to decide which ones work best for you, but don't feel there are any 'rules' about what you need to do. This should make it a bit easier on your budgets for the next two years, hopefully.

Congrats again!

edit: oh, I forgot to mention one thing. Someone was mentioning earlier about having to send later reminders about the date closer to the actual time. I'd suggest you reverse that; send out a cheap save the date (a nicely formatted email/image works, though some people prefer a real card) as soon as you have a venue and date, but send a follow-up invitation with more details 3-6 months ahead of the actual date. We found it useful to have a small website/blog that we kept updated with various bits of useful information (gift registries, transportation/lodging updates, etc.). It was free and easy and kept my fiance happily occupied.

[Hazir]

You can still get married quietly with minimum expenses. If you roll it into a vacation it may even sound romantic.

Anyway, guess that my way of looking at marriage is a bit different than that of people who think it's a romantic arrangement.

[Catgrrl]

Congratulations Rand!

I think a middle of the week wedding is perfectly fine-you can do an evening reception. Even if people can't attend the ceremony, they could possibly make it to the reception later in the evening.

I had a long engagement myself (a year and a half) because we were engaged in late summer 2004 and we wanted a spring wedding-there was no way I could plan it for the next year, I'm not that coordinated. So we were married May 2006.

Plus saving up is a great idea; especially since you have a house now and other grown-up expenses.

EDIT: And the Save The Date card is a great idea. I still have a magnet that a family friend sent us as a save the date-very cute, has a picture of the two of them and the details. She sent it about 4 or 5 months ahead of the wedding if I remember right.

[Dreadnaught]

Are we gonna get the engagement story?

[Omega]

First of all congratulation! and in case someone already made that joke, i was too lazy to read everything, INVITE US!